This is actually HILARIOUS!! I woulda been hard pressed to NOT laugh in his face about this.

"Uhhhh....well, if you are worried about 800 people "looking over your shoulder", then maybe you SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT!!!!".

Wayward fogbabble at it's finest! This is one for the "Wayward Fogbabble Hall of Fame"!

The OWH just called me and just didn't know what to do. He said I know I can't believe what she says. She's trying to tell him that they just "talked". I tried to explain that she isn't herself right now and isn't capable of being honest. But there is hope and he needs to educate himself on what she is going through and how he can deal with it. I gave him this website and encouraged him to take the time to read and that he should continue to have HOPE.

the big problem now is how are we going to separate them? Somebody has to make a choice to leave.....I don't know if that is going to happen.

You just took the crackpipe away from the crack head so of course they will be furious! It is an expectation. But once he sobers up, he will be grateful you took charge.

Your marriage can survive his temporary anger, it can't survive an ongoing affair.

He can't have his affair now because everyone knows.

And

You did the WRONG THING by exposing?????

Do you see what he just told you in that statement? YOUR EXPOSURE is making iT hard for them to carry out their affair. Do you hear this? He just told you that YOU DID THE RIGHT THING for your marriage!!!

He is saying everything we told you every WS says when their dirty fantasy is exposed to the light. And he even admits that EXPOSURE is damaging his affair!!


I say....


WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO....GOOD JOB, GIRLFRIEND!!!!

vst, the best thing he can do for his marriage is expose the affair. It should exposed to her family, his kids, close friends, pastor. It would help if he complained to Human Resources too.

Exposure is ruinous to affairs because affairs thrive on secrecy. Getting it all out there in the open is the first step towards recovery.

He will act like a 2 year old having a tantrum....

scream
yell
threaten
kick
thrash about on the floor
cry
pout

Whatever he can think of to bully you into giving him what he wants....

his affair fix.

VST --

You did SO SO SO SO good!

Just let anything WH says to you just roll right off your back.
Keep holding the mirror in front of his face. Everytime he tries to blame YOU for the destruction...put the mirror up!

It isn't the TELLING that is causing the problem...it is the DOING.

The fact that they are still trying to LIE to their spouses should tell you that they fear the consequences. OW isn't being honest with OWH, because she is scrambling to hang on to her family -- and she thinks if she reveals the truth, he will be gone. That alone should tell you that her desire is to preserve her family (not take your husband).

Just shelter yourself from the storm!
Be calm. This is all expected.

WH just called again and said he was calm now and wanted to talk to me about taking our DD to the amusement park this weekend. He said he didn't think he could stand to be around me right now so would I consider letting him take her without me. What do you think?

What did you say? I think its great he wants to spend time with your DD! I would go for it and be sure and be as pleasant and attractive as possible when you see him.

Will your DD bring up his affair to him?

Nope. Take her together.

(He is attempting to normalize daddy/daughter weekends as if he were divorced. Plus he'd have difficulty explaining you being their to OW...)

So nope. He'll just have to suck it up.

Tell him she was promised a family weekend, and you are determined to give it to her. She needs to be with both of you right now.

I agree.....if you're not in Plan B, you and WH should spend time with your DD together. Don't let him separate the family further.

I am SO PROUD of you!!! You are doing *great*.

If you can manage to step back and re-read all the stuff he said YOU did, it's actually pretty funny. You may not be able to do that, but give it a try. If you can find the humor it will help dispel the fear and give you a bit of relief.

Regarding the outing with your DD, you should definitely GO. He can come along or not. HE suffers the consequences of his actions. If HE is uncomfortable around you, boo hoo for him!

I'd plan on looking and smelling *great*, even if he says he's not going. He may change his mind at the last minute or even show up unannounced. Plan A Plan A Plan A.

And if he does go, NO LOVE BUSTERS. Bite your tongue if you have to. The only thing you should be saying is exactly what you have done: You are committed to the marriage. Then change the subject.

And don't let him place any of the blame on you. It is HIS to own. This is not revenge, it's necessary for healing and recovery. He HAS to own his behavior in order to change it in the future. Do NOT protect him from the consequences of his actions. It might "feel" loving, but it's not, not at all.

HECK YA you should have SISTA!!!!!!!.....

WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBUUUUULANCE is calling......

VST,

This is all ordinary. Your WH is sounding no diffent than mine or anybody else's on here. Seriously. When I exposed the FIRST time, he said the same thing. FURIOUS as all get out.....he even had the audacity to tell me "Why would you do this?? You know it makes you look bad, since obviously YOU couldn't keep your husband happy???"...and then he left in a tizzy. Three hours later, he came back and cried for 2 hours..... :RollieEyes:

And don't buy into anything he says. Of course there is hope for you....look at all of us on here. Just keep stating the TRUTH. Be the sane one in the midst of the storm.....


And as far as going with your DD to the amusement park, that one is up to you. I can see how it would be a good oppertunity to for some Plan A but if he wants to sulk and pout, it can be aggitating. And IMO, some time alone with DD and seeing what life would be like without YOU is good for the waywards. My H and I were seperated as well during his affair. The weekends he had the kids were MISERABLE for him. And to be perfectly honest, when he moved out, he told the kids they would have fun, spend time together, they could swim at the pool at his condo, and you know what??? They didn't do ANY OF THAT. And the kids HATED it. That fact wasn't lost on their father either....(but he was telling the COW that it was wonderful and great, the kids were enjoying it..... ...). During those times it was VERY CONFUSING for him.......

Anyway, that is my experience. Like I said, there can be good from both angles no matter what you decide to do......but whatever you decide, remember to keep your spirits up and positive.....

You did well girl. Be proud and hold that head up high....YOU did the right thing....

((((((VST)))))))

not2fun

Thanks Turtlehead. You say I'm not to allow him to place any blame on me but how do I defend myself without LBing?

And, when WH finds out I told our DD....which he will tomorrow when he picks her up....ohhh my gosh....he is going to blow a gasket. How do I explain that to him?

Thanks Not, you've been here for me!!

Letting them know that the affair hurts the family in a respectfully honest way is not a lovebuster according to SAA. That is a consequence of the affair. It is part of the stick in Plan A.

Your DD has every right to know what he is doing to her. Tell him he owes his daughter an explanation. He needs to explain to her why he abandoned his family for his adulterous affair. You and DD have something to be angry about, not him.

WS: but you dragged our daughter into an adult problem!

BS: I will not whitewash what you are doing to this family to our DD. That is not fair to her. You owe it to DD to explain your affair to her since this effects her life. Kids can handle the truth, they can't handle lies.

DD needs your explanation of why you would choose to leave us over your affair.

ML already gave a great response but really if you can avoid angry outbursts and disrespectful judgments, while standing up for yourself and calmly expressing the truth to him, you'll be doing great.

WH: You probably just cost me my job, I hope you're satisfied!
VST: If your job is at risk, it's due to your adulterous relationship with OW.

WH: I can't believe you told everyone. You've ruined my reputation.
VST: Your adulterous affair has harmed your reputation, but I have faith in us and I'm confident you can earn back your good name if you choose to.

It helps me to stop and take a mental step back whenever I hear a comment that hurts to the quick or makes me immediately angry and defensive. I "step back" and take myself out of the picture. I don't put on my defensive hat, I put on my calm, rational, and objective hat.

turtlehead gave great suggestions!

Thanks Mel. It helps so much when you guys give me the words....because I'm in such a state of wordlessness.......

I emailed him and said this: "I asked DD about the park and she wants you and I to go and to get along. She says she just wants us to be a happy family. So my plan is to go and if you come that will be great and if you choose not to, then that is your choice."

whatca think?