Dude I felt very much that everyone including my family were beating me up as well.... but they were not. They were telling me what I did not want to hear. The truth as they saw it.

Its NOT about beating you up Dude

we could lie to you all you want and it wouldn't help you one little bit.

On the other hand we can try to get you to see what we see and think about that a bit.

I am glad that you and your wife may be able to at the least resolve some of the outstanding issues... glad you decided to take that on.

Dude,

FWIW, I think you are getting some bad advice.

As a general rule ... Once you've got rid of a WW, I think its best to move forward, rather than looking backward.

There are just too many other good women out there that are better options, than putting yourself through the misery of RECOVERING from all of the baggage that both of you would bring to this new and old relationship.

From reading your thread, you appear to have quite a bit of difficulty in thoroughly severing old relationship ties, and this decision seems to be a continuation of that bad habit.

IMHO, you've made the break ... MOVE ON!!!

You are exactly right about me. Its very hard for me to leave her completely, especially when the M was so good for so long.

Just to "pick" at your post for a moment, but do you see that dwelling on what "was so good for so long", rather than what caused the split keeps you connected to bad relationships. Try viewing them as a whole ... good and bad ... with recent events having more emphasis than memories from long ago, and see if your perception changes.

I can't recall your WW's MB username, but I remember her being here and most of the backstory, and how her continued deceptions broke you after you discovered "most" of the truth ... and I emphasize "MOST", because I don't think ANY of us ever get the WHOLE story.

You just need to stop looking at your WW through rose colored glasses and see her what she really is ... and what she actually did.

Good Luck to you!!!

Dude,

The idea that you two could recover your marriage is possible.

The idea that you could move on to another marriage is possible.

Both require work, because regardless of the choice you make, you will need to figure out what went wrong in your marriage.

What were your contributions to the problems in your marriage?
What behaviors do you have that you need to CHANGE in order to be a better man, and a better husband?

Because whether or not you return to recover the marriage, you need to be able to clearly state the problems and you need to be able to address them in a way that results in positive changes in YOU.

If you do not, then you will simply repeat the problems in any future relationship - regardless of the woman you are with. New woman, first wife, new wife, doesn't matter.

Identify the problem.
Work on yourself.


And in the meantime, while you work on yourself, STOP DATING.

Because you need CLARITY. And you cannot possibly do that with the distraction of a relationship with a new woman pulling you around.


SB