Yes we can't leave God out of this..since the enemy is the one driving this..without him the enemy would kick our teeth in… (sorry for the gruesome visual LOL)

My story (long.. so I’ll make it short) is a real testament God and to MB... My W had an affair after 14 years of M. I had without knowing really closed her spirit to me… she thought I didn’t love her…..After only 6 months….she actually MARRIED the OM... and I had done such a good Plan "A" the "affair marriage" only lasted three months.. (see affairs always end..) and we re-married after talking to elders from the church she started going to and the one she left and I remained at... (she and OM actually LIED to the Pastor and said she was divorced and he did Pre-marriage counseling with them while she was still MARRIED TO ME!! What a WS won’t do…LOL)

Sadly, I was dealing with more than an affair... she is seriously mentally ill... She is on at least 7 meds… and she plays with the dosages all the time…She has been institutionalized THREE times since we got married… usually for about 3 months….. Twice since the affair..

She once asked me to hold her while she committed suicide….It was rough…a lot of tears…

Our second marriage to each other lasted 3 years before she left again…..it was actually very solid… then she got used to her new meds and her illness took over again… After THAT divorce she wanted/wants to reconcile again…she still calls me and emails me all the time that she has changed and how much she loves me and she wishes she’d listened to me about MC and MB…..but I really just can’t do it…

But PRAISE GOD I’m fine.. and don’t be discouraged by my story… if anything like I said it’s a testament to Almighty God and this place that we did recover through all that…the enemy strikes from many angles… mental illness IMHO is his cruelest tool…
Thanks for asking…but back to you…I think you did a great job with the exposure… it put a major hole in the affair… but I think after yesterday and today with your WH saying he does want more times like that and talked about working it out… I would hold off a little (3-4 days at least) on more exposure and having mothers call… (not sure I could have asked my mother to call at all LOL) until you have a chance to do a little Plan “A”…
I WOULD FOR SURE stay in contact with OWH... that may be a nice safe attack point for you... LET HIM DO SOME WORK HERE!!

I’m more of the carrot… than the stick… in my Plan “A” tactics… Might be the WWJD in me...
I know they waffle and lie… but I have a good feeling your WH might not want to lose you. I think the real question is... can YOU forgive him???
Maybe you could talk to your Pastor about it… does he have MC training?

GOoD Luck and Prayers.. Frank

Frank, causing as much conflict in the affair IS Plan A. As Dr Harley would say, "cause as much conflict as possible" in the affair.

I hope you aren't here to blow up this young lady's thread by debating other posters as you have done to other newcomers. That would not be very fair to her.

p.s. pastors are some of the absolute worst marriage counselors, whereas Dr Harley is a clinical psychologist with a very successful track record. Dr. Harley IS a Christian, btw.

I'm not trying to do anything but help.. Why do you say that? I just said that I am more of the carrot than the stick of Plan "A"... Doesn't it take BOTH?
We all are entitled to our opinions...
And there is more than one interpretation of the MB "Plans" than just one... Just like there are many interpretations of the Bible... there are grey areas in both...

I disagreed with SOME of yours but kept silent this time…. and just voiced mine... Can't I do that? If you guys attack me I won't fight back this time.. or if VST asks me to stop posting on this thread I will.

But Mel... can't you and I just get along... I think you do a great job... and I even just agreed with allot you said... I really would like to forget all the hurtful things you’ve said to me (and if you could forget the things I said that hurt you in defense of MY interpretations..) and start fresh.. I think we BOTH have the same goal in mind… I’ll leave it in your court… There is the white flag… can we get along?

GOD BLESS MEL…. Frank

The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years.
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Why?

My experience of Pastors and infidelity is they are pretty much completely clueless. WWJD? Well he would confront evil - He threw the moneychangers out of the Temple. Jesus did not avoid confrontation. Even when He was dealing with people and their sin He did not shy away from confrontng them.

Why would you say to avoid exposing more for a few days? To give WH a chance to spin it before she exposes? SHe should not be driven by her feelings either. Much less should she be driven by yours.

Frank, hopefully you won't mind if I disagree with your advice in kind? I would just hate to see her thread blown up in catfight like I have seen others.

I am all about making sure she gets the BEST GUIDANCE possible. I think she is very much in the right place and will benefit from sticking as closely to MB as possible. Marriage counselors have an 84% FAILURE RATE so I am not sure that would be a wise path.

vst, as far as getting your MIL to call the OW, I can refer you to as least one marriaqe that is fully recovered TODAY because the WS's mother called the OP and put the fear of God into him. Your MIL could be a great help in this regard.

Just know that Plan A means causing AS MUCH CONFLICT as possible in the affair. The more you squeeze, the greater the odds of your recovery.

Ok, thanks all. I'm still on track!

He was over today and I was able to be affectionate. It was his b-day and I gave him a card and a hug. We didn't have any relationship talk. It was quite pleasant really. He's leaving for a couple of days on business (no AP isn't going). So we'll have a little break.

Have you spoken to OWH to make sure she is not going? Please stay in close touch with the OWH and PUHLEESE consider asking your MIL to call the OW. That will take the winds out of her sails. And the only way your H could know is if he ADMITS contact.

The OW never travels with him. I'm sure about that. I did send my MIL an email saying if you just happen to feel like venting to the "black vision of unhappiness and ruin" (my MIL's name for her) feel free and gave her all the contact info.

Oh and about my church and M counseling, the two I've talked to, one being one of the pastors, was interested in hearing about MB. They do just happen to give out the book His Needs, Her Needs to people seeking M counseling so they wanted to know about it for sure.

vst...you really, really need to stop worrying so much about this. If he wants to repair your M, he CAN make this work.

My H also was in a job that he loved, worked very hard to get to and was SURE he would not find another one to suit our needs.

Well, guess what? Our recovery was worth MORE than that to him...he looked and looked until he found something that would work.

It IS possible, please stop "thinking" for your H...if it is a boundary of yours, then that is it ~ either he will find another job because it is WORTH IT TO HIM, or he won't.

IT sounds like your H WANTS to recover with you, and if you make this a boundary he WILL find a way to make it happen.

But if you start allowing him to negotiate on the terms for recovery NOW, YOU WILL REGREAT LATER, I GUARANTEE IT.

good girl!!

Perhaps you can send your H some flirty text messages while he is on the road?

PLEASE listen to MarriedForever, vst. She has been in your shoes and has FOUR, count em, FOUR children and is a SAHM. She has been to the MB weekend, counseled with the HArleys and come out on the other side. Her guidance is INVALUABLE.

to Mel, that means a lot to me.

Hi vst. You are doing so well!

Just a few short things that came to mind as I read through the day's posts.

1. VERIFY with OWH that she is NOT out of town at the same time as WH is out of town. You can think they never travel together, but that doesn't mean they won't hook up this time. Please VERIFY.

2. AWESOME job on giving MIL contact info. Now it's in her court and you didn't actually ask her to do it.

3. I think you are doing a terrific job at Plan A and that you still have some left in you--at least a few good weeks!

BTW....


Happy Easter!!

Thanks everybody! Your encouragement is what keeps me going!

SMB, I will email the OWH tomorrow to verify that she isn't traveling. That will at least give me reason to start communicating with him about this.

MF, I know you're right and I actually do intend to make NC a solid boundary. I'm really really just hoping she will leave.....that I can convince the OWH of that...gently.

Ok MIL says she won't communicate with OW. So much for that~!

Can I take that as YOUR white flag?
There will be no more catfights....I can't be a cat anyway.. Peace and love Mel...



You know I have to confess... I have been a little bit of a closet fan... Like the above I think is PERFECT! Skankyhola..

I do like alot of what you say.. it's just that we end up fighting and I can't admit I like your wit and spunk.. but I really do...

And... I've come realize that no one even myself is always 100% right.

Pepper 40 years... yeah I get it... I guess I only have 30 years left....Oh well... we all have to go sometime...LOL

GOoD Luck and Prayers Frank

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Frank}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

p.s. I love your spunk too, you feisty rascal, you!

ok what does IMO mean? Probably something simple but I don't see it....