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I have found that my D18 opens up the most when we go for walks.
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I asked my older son how he feels now that his little brother was going to mom's and he was staying .He did open up a little saying that it felt weird and sad but he still didnt want to go to her place . I told him that I to was very sad about the two of them splitting up but that we would all be ok .
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Thanks .I was of that same mindset but , when one child is so damaged right now as to not want a realtionship with his mother I don't know what I can do . I will try and am trying to get them back together for his sake when the time is right.
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Its amazing that she actually thought that you could leave and that it wouldn't effect the interpersonal relationship between all members. When something like this happens its like tossing a grenade between all the members of the family. She has definitely made their road in life a lot rockier.
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I relate this to an atomic bomb .The radiation spreads far and wide damaging many on both sides .For myself I have managed to find all the pieces of my heart and pick them up off the floor .I now have to somehow put them back together . This will take some time .
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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My younger guy after spending the 4 days with my WW informed me of an unfortunate tidbit. He told me he had spent some time with the OM and he was actually OK . I didnt react to this (As far as he could tell).Inside I nearly died .I knew this day was coming but it STILL HURTS LIKE HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't let on as to my feelings .I have to cover up what a scum _ickhead immoral _sshole this jerk is to protect my son(s). I wish I could let loose with the truth BUT I CANT .RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
We are to teach our children to avoid pedofiles etc but have to cover for an adultering ,wife stealing scum !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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I'm so sorry. MY H is having an A and my girls (15 and 12) know the OW. They used to babysit for her and liked her and I'm sure when my H starts having this woman around our girls, they'll remember they like her. It will KILL me too.
Good luck.
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I HATE THIS MAN !!!!!!!!! I dont like to use that word but this time I HATE someone . I wish he treated my son horribley so that my son would see the real person not this phoney "Nice" guy. I hang on for dear life the idea that both my WW and the OM are full of pain , guilt and anguish . I see none of it but I have to believe that they will rot from within for what they have done .
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Rod, does your little guy know that what OM and mom are doing is morally wrong? You need to emphasize this to him or his moral compass will get off track.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Rod, does your little guy know that what OM and mom are doing is morally wrong? You need to emphasize this to him or his moral compass will get off track. Yes. Another thing, the devil does not tempt people wearing convicts clothes. He comes as someone inviting.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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I told him last night that I didnt "Hate" ,as he had put it, the OM or my WW .I hated waht they did .I told him it was wrong. So wrong that it was wrong in the eyes of God . He said he knoew that .I told him his mother and I are married and she just went off with another man .I asked him if what they did hurt a lot of people . Again he told me he knew that . Today my boys have agreed to go to dinner with her .As it turns out they are going to her apartment for dinner as they went out for dinner last week afterall????? It hurts to think that my older son is beginning to give in .I know this is the best for him but DAMN IT HURTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Well, the good thing is you're being honest enough with yourself to admit that them opening up to her is a blow to YOUR ego. That's good to know. Because it shows you how easy it is to let your children become replacement ego-strokers for you after what she's done. And that's no job for a child.
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It amy be an ago stroke having them turn their backs on her but moreso not having them reinforces this overwhelming felling of loneliness .I CANT STAND IT .If I go out somewhere all I can think of is "Look what I am doing ,look what this has come to .I cant believe where I am in life". IT SUCKS. The two adulterers appear to be living a dream whereby I feel like I am in hell .
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Rod, it only appears to be a dream. Don't worry, it will implode on her eventually. Just be sure to protect your boys from the fall out.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I dont know if I can protect them from anything anymore .At one time I thought I could but, now I am not too sure.
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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As long as you provide a safe haven at home and are honest with them, which you are already doing, they will be ok. I just wish I could say the same about you. Are you taking care of yourself?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Thanks for the concern .I am taking care of me .Today I am just having a bad day .I havent had one in a while .Then again my boys have had their backs turned away from their mother for a while (2 months). That is the burr that has got under my saddle.
I have to "eat' the fact that they are doing things with her again.
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Oh joy ,oh bliss ,today would have been our aniversary .I wonder if she remembered .I hope she choked on the fact.
Last edited by rod24773; 04/12/09 08:12 PM.
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Rod,
Your letter was fantastic. It is very simply stated but heartfelt. So much so I'm going to be using it for my Plan B with some editing. It too made me choke up.
I'm sorry that your going through this too. It is a twisted comfort to know how many there are out there who know your own pain. I hope and pray for your success even though I am not religious. I've found myself wanting to believe from all of this and hope that my own WW will come back to me.
I wish you the best and hope you don't mind my borrowing of your letter.
Regards,
-Monc
Last edited by Monc; 04/12/09 08:19 PM.
BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009
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