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Kudos with your parenting rod. Your wife (the idiot) blew rule number 1. Don't trash your spouse, or even infer fault. "I wasn't happy for a year" It would serve her right if your 13 year old wrote a letter back to her
"Regarding your comment about not being happy for a year, first off it was a lie, or you were already cheating on dad. Secondly if we are speaking about not being happy. I will not be happy with you for the rest of my life. I guess that I should runaway from you. And leave you. I think I need to find a new mom. Like you found a new man."
I know you would never suggest it. But can you think of a more accurate response?
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You have hit a struggle I am having right on the head .The responses my WW needs dont go along with proper healthy child rearing .This is such a catch 22 .What I want to say and should or what the kids should say isnt healthy for them .THAT SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to continually remind myself that my first priority is my children . I have to jamb my "Feel good" ,fully justified verbal barrages back down my throat before they see teh light of day . I so wish I could say what I want. I am proud of the fact that I have managed to protect my kids from my vengeance !
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Are you journaling those feelings. Or getting them out some way?
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I am part of a support group every tuesday night .I also consider my threads on this site and surviving betrayal.com as my journal. As with many things in life to do the "Right" thing isnt always the most personally satisfying but tha is where character and strength come in .Through the support group and the people involved I am learning to be not self centered but, centered on ones self . That includes putting my kids first and foremost.
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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I had a female friend over last night for tea .I had beleived that my older son would be out for some time .He came home and was visibly not happy with another woman being in our house .I spoke to him later asking him if he was ok with the fact that I have female and male friends .If not I said than we need to talk about this as his feelings were very important to me . He came to grips with it I think . We are all learning to adapt to our new life. My little guy had gone with my WW. Before leaving I asked her when her lawyer was going to get on with the separation agreement .I want this thing done ,I said . She seemed visibly shaken by this . OH WELL !!!!!
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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She seemed visibly shaken by this . OH WELL !!!!! That's right! fwiw, I really think you might want to think about introducing your kids to anyone who comes to the house before it happens. Just because of accidents like this one. Dating outside the home is one thing, but home is supposed to be THEIR sanctuary from all the insanity. He's probably wondering now if you're going to replace him just like his mom did.
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I was not intending him to run into her .He had stated that he wouldnt be back for some time .He had also said previous that he didn't want to meet any of my female friends .I had tried to do this but it didn't work that way .All I could do after the fact was do damage control and tell him his opinion was most important to me. Trying to do the right thing all the time when you really arent doing anything wrong is hard .My sons come first but I do need a life. I must do better!
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Rod, you are still married. Being alone with a lady friend in your home is not the way to go. You need some very tight boundaries for your own honor and for the sake of your children. Do not put them in the position of having to tell you they don't want you to have "friends". You are the grown up, you do the honorable and righteous thing.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I now realize the error of my ways .I cleared things up with my older son .We are good and I am more aware of yet another limitation that I must abide by . I let my guard down momentarily .
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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You haven't deliberately exposed your children to a bunch of strange women. It was tea. The only thing you did wrong was doing it without his knowledge. It had the effect of doing something wrong. Hey you're not perfect. Surprise!
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Mother's day was hard at times for me.My youngest and I went to church listening to many woman extoll the virtues of wonderful mothers (My WW prior to July last year) .We then went to my sisters for a dinner celebrating my mother and my sister . At no time did my little guy ask about his mother . Later that night she called ,not asking for me ,and berated a six year old for not phoning her on Moms day . He cried and I comforted him . I have to admit I looked for a "You were a wonderful Mom before you became a self centered scum " card but couldnt find one .
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Rod, didn't I tell you. She will be an after thought in their lives. what did your oldest do. Did he call her?
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I think you should call up everyone in her family and tell them what she did.
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My eldest was with us as well as he doesnt go see her ever.He had no interest in calling her .When I asked him if the phone call (From her) bothered him he said "NO. How can she have done what she did and expect things to be normal ". Such wise words from an amazing young man . I'm sure the fact that neither of her two older children 23/25 called her added to her displeasure.
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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Later that night she called ,not asking for me ,and berated a six year old for not phoning her on Moms day . He cried and I comforted him . I have to admit I looked for a "You were a wonderful Mom before you became a self centered scum " card but couldnt find one . I think the correct card would be one that said she lost her mum's ticket when she walked out the family. Check Hallmark to see if they don't carry any of these cards!
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Now would be the perfect time to press her on the papers.
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I did just that a week ago . She appeared taken aback by me asking her to get on with the legal end of this .I had my lawter draw up a separation agreement back in Dec. We are still waiting for her reaction.
Last edited by rod24773; 05/13/09 07:08 AM.
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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I still think you should tell her family what she did.
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CP-There has been a misunderstanding >Her family all know what she has done ,if you Are referring to the affair .Mind you , the explanation for the most part came from her and her perspective so it is twisted completely .
46 YO ,18 YO marriage ,DDay Nov 1/08 ,Affair start date July 23rd /08 /14 YO son ,7 Yo son /25 Yo stepson /23YO step daughter
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