PS and what are you doing fighting with her? Choose not to fight. Leave the room is she is angry or disrespectful - don't defend or fight back. Fighting destroys love.

No LBs!

I am TRYING not to provoke any confrontations with her but it seems that whatever I say sets her off. She doesn't want me "hovering" all over her. And I'm not. But a simple "how was work" gets a huge sigh, drops her head and a "it was fine Gary".

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells here. I realize that when she told me that she no longer loved me that it was a smokescreen. Just her way of lashing out at me. I just simply replied that I still love her and will be her for her when she's ready to start putting this back together.

The wound is deep and I'm truly at a loss as to what my next step will be. It's hard to help with her EN when she won't communicate them. All I'm trying to do is to try to make our home a place where she feels wanted and loved, unconditionally.

She just went in to take a nap. I covered her up, kissed her cheek and told her I loved her. Then I left the room without waiting for a reply. Didn't want one.

These past couple of weeks are NOT a deal breaker as far as I'm concerned. We don't trust each other and I can understand the reasons why. I just don't want to waste anymore time if there isn't at least a flicker of hope for us.

Still dazed and confused.

So it wasn't wrong when you were the OM doing this to her first husband, but it's wrong for an OM to do this to YOU...Why is that?

Mrs. W

In the interest of saving space and time what I did not mention was that my wife and her first husband had been separated over a year and that he had been living with his girlfriend for 8 months before I ever met my wife. Kinda hard to be the OM when the first husband had already left and moved on.

When I came into the picture, my wife was alone trying to raise 2 children with no financial support from her soon to be ex.

Sorry, I just don't see this as a tit for tat situation

if she has a smart phone, check into flexispy pro. google it.

Send a letter to her employer. Expose what they are doing. Human resources usually frown about these things as it opens them up to possible sexual harassment suits.

Call her parents and let them know.

Tell your/her friends and ask for support.

You have to bust the affair if you are going to have a chance of fixing this.

Good job on telling the OM's wife.

And of course she has no feeling for you right now, she is in luv with this other dude.

Since you are both serial cheaters. Have you tried the, "aren't we a pair talk" You may consider telling her something like this.

" As far as it goes we are both adulterers. We got into our marriage cheating and there is a good possibility that we are going to end our marriage cheating. You are rightfully angry at me for four years ago and I am rightfully angry at you for the affair you're having now. Let me ask you this question. You are with the same type of person that you are with now, an adulterer, right. We lasted 19 years, How long do you think it will take for you two to get bored with each other and start cheating once again? I want you to think back when we were first together. How did you look at your husband then? Do I look like him now? Do you think that you will ever look at your cheating boyfriend the same as me, or your first husband? The chances are you will. I do not want to drag this out, if you think that you no longer love me and there is no chance for us, lets take a few days to think about it and if you feel that you want to move on to the next guy, that is until you tire of him, we can separate and then divorce. I would like to reconcile, I think the scales are balanced now with both of us cheating. So as far as I'm concerned I would like to try again. If you don't give me and answer in a week, I will just do what I think is best for us. I do love you, but I won't share you for another summer."

If this talk doesn't work, do what comfortably numb suggests.

Well I guess it's update time. Had a big ruckus over nothing Thursday am. She claimed that she was no longer going to be paying any of the bills. OK, fine. i went to the credit union and discovered that our account, that had $11,000 in it on Monday, now had a balance of, I swear to God, $.86.

I guess that was my final wakeup call. Took her name off of the accounts, and headed home to pack up. She wanted to know what I was doing and I told her that I was leaving. She went back into the kitchen where my oldest and her boyfriend were sitting. At one point I heard her say to "squeeze harder" but didn't pay much attention to it.

Just as I was finishing loading up my clothes, two police cars turned up. They wanted to know the problem was and as baffalled as I was, just told them nothing and that I was leaving. They then went into the house and came back a few minutes later, slapping me in cuffs. WTF?!?

It seems that my daughters boyfriend was squeezing her arms to make it look as if I had assaulted her. So I spent the night in jail. Lots of love here, huh?

I bonded out Friday am and was given a no contact order. No problem there. So I'm typing this right now on the laptop she attemted to hide when I came back for my stuff today (an appearance only made possible with a police escort). Sungay night, feeling like my life has just totally caved in, sitting in a hotel room.

I guess monday brings apartment and lawyer hunting. My only consolation is that my youngest keeping sending me text msgs. telling me that she wants to live with me. Funny how kids can end up being the strong one.

****edit****

Then a few days later, this...

So your W hatched a plan to have you thrown in jail by having your DAUGHTER ask her BF to hurt her? And they both agreed??

That is bizarre. I don't understand why any of the three would be motivated to do that. What do you think their feelings and motives were? Have you left something out??

Other than your affair 4 years ago - is there anything about you that you could change that would stop this kind of thing happening again?

Anyway - I guess you've abandoned all hope of saving this M. In which case the divorced / divorcing forum might be a good place for support.

If that's true, it's just more proof that WWs are the most evil creatures on this planet. I've never heard of any WH conspiring to have their BS thrown into jail. However, with WW's, it seems to be a part of the M.O. at times. Even worse, not only has she conspired to have you thrown into jail, she has also involved her own daughter in the conspiracy.

The "no contact" order might be a blessing in disguise. IMO you should have no contact with that creature anyway, unless it's through a lawyer or the police.

Furthermore, concerning that credit union account, I suggest that you "return" the favour by taking all of the money out of the rest of the accounts that were joint, and cancelling any joint credit cards. And pursue a legal separation ASAP that absolves you of being responsible for any new debt incurred by her.

I have retained a lawyer but until the domestic violence charge against me is resolved, he stongly suggested to wait on the divorce. Why feed the fire right now?
And yes, I think i have given up on this marriage. If she is willing to go this far to make me the bad guy, then what's the point in trying anymore? I think my best course of action is just to lay low and as soon as the criminal charge has been settled, hit her with papers and move on

You're not getting it. Your WW is now actively working AGAINST your interests. Your approach at the moment should be to minimize all possibilities of her taking even more advantage of you.

The fact that she went as far as involving your daughter in a scheme to have a criminal charge filed against you should be enough to show you that she will not hesitate to take advantage of you using any other option open to her.

"Laying low" will just give her time and opportunity to do so.