This is so true, smb.

Well said SMB.

Krazy is a long time poster here ... he has fought the good fight ... and he has made a FULLY INFORMED decision.

This was not a rash decision, but one formed over 2.5 years. That decision has now been made, communicated to the rest of the immediate family members, and a plan of seperation has been put in place.

He has every moral and legal right to make this decision, and therefore, should be supported by his peers.

I find the questions, criticisms and second guessing by the "marriage at all costs" crowd very distasteful and disrespectful towards one of our own.

For my part, I will support a respected fellow BH in this tough time.

Krazy is one of the few members here that I would genuinely like to meet in person. Along those lines ... Krazy if you read this ... shoot me an email to the address in my sig so we have a means to contact each other offline, and the next time the setters and us are in KS chasing quail and ringnecks ... if you're anywhere close, I'd love to meet you over a few cold ones and get to know you even better.

You have earned my RESPECT, Sir!!!

It's seems to me that their is some gender bias afloat here, If Krazy were a woman that came to the same conclusion after 2 years would you be posting the same solutions and asking him if he is sure about all of this?

The sad truth is he may get D and then realize he can't live w/out the family. It is the famed catch-22. It sux!!

I actually think SMB's posts are brilliant and I hope Krazy has considered this aspect.

Krazy has the right to a divorce by any measure and I wish him well. He should only be sure this is what he really wants.

I think for numerous reasons women are able to tolerate an A far more than men. They just can't deal w/ it even though there WW was having relations before the married I'm sure. I was going to marry a woman that I just dated when we first got together and I know I wasn't her only one, yet she fell in love w/ me and we were going to get married. I knew a couple of nasty dudes my fWxW was with before I got w/ her. I think its all messed up, but being w/ other women, I don't even remember what fWxW looks like nude. When my first wife and I split up, she started going w/ this guy we both knew. I was grossed out about it, but then my ex and I got together for a weekend.(She actually cheated on him w/ me her seperated H) It didn't bother me at all. I think its just knowing the rules that makes the difference. "I don't mind if you want to separate and date other people, BUT TELL ME FIRST!" I'd been all for it! DUDE

ITA, MyRev!!

This bears repeating.

Charlotte

I agree with you Myrev.

Krazy gave it a real try. Especially considering his D-day and the length of the A. More than most probably would have tried.

Based on some of his more recent comments it sounds as if he was dealing with more than he let on about her committment to the M.

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Krazy just decided not to go crazy.

Krazy,

I have no grand pearls of wisdom, no stories to tug at your heart with. I will not plead with you to stay and fight more. We all have to find our own way. My decision to divorce was an informed one, armed with all the statistics and reality of my daily life, and the firsthand, hard-earned knowledge that you cannot control what other people do, good or bad.

I pray for you to have the strength to deal with this next step.

That was my thought, too. To be truly SURE that this is what he wants and can live with. D hurts children and it hurts adults. It is not like mgolfer's WW who has continued to cheat, but the fact that the films in krazy's heads won't stop.

BTW, yes if this was a woman BS I would say the same thing.

Thanks to everyone who responded. Whether I agree with you or not, I know you're all just trying to help.

I haven't given you all of the negative details of my marriage...I thought only the A was relevant here, but there's more.

Recently, it's like my eyes were opened to everything. I've been physically assaulted more times than I can count, been taken hostage emotionally, and cheated on online, emotionally, and of course, physically.

I deserve better, and for a long time I thought I didn't, nor did I think I could do any better...I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of being the "bad guy" who split up the family.

Now I fully realize that you get one shot at life, and not many chances at happiness. I've been miserable for so long that I've almost forgotten what it's like to be truly happy.

I'm not a bad guy, I don't hate my wife, and I don't want to hurt my kids, but I refuse to go through this life in misery any longer.

And you DO deserve better. Good luck!!!!

Krazy,

Even though I vent on this board, and espouse an ego larger than life itself, I was scared when I first left as well. Even w/ all the confidence I had in myself, I was reluctant to leave. When you leave, and when you begin dating women, you will see there is an ocean of them who had rotten husbands. They are very skeptical of men and rightly so, but if you show them the real, good, honest you, they will fall in love and you will be happy again. The unknown is whats scary.

DUDE

I understand.

I'm not trying to get you to change your mind, and I'm not a marriage at all costs kind of person. I don't think I could have done what you have done. So, I'm supportive of whichever choice you make.

It seems as if you are saying you don't want to divorce, but you feel you have to because you are unhappy, it is killing you, and you deserve better. I think many of us have been there.

What is the purpose of the trial separation? I mean are you considering it just a step that has to be done prior to divorce, or do you have hopes that something with your FWW or yourself will change?

To me, the seperation is a step prior to divorce.

Telling her I wanted to split apart is the toughest conversation I've ever had...I'm giving it time as a courtesy to her, but if I had my druthers I'd be divorced tomorrow.

I have never heard anyone except my mom (and of course me too) use this comment before. It made me smile as my mom has been gone for 10 years now.

I understand. I hope it works out for the best.

OOPS! Sorry about that. I don't know where my post went. LOL

I'll try again...

Your earlier posts sounded ambivalent to me. If you are confident in your decision to divorce, I support you in that (not that you need my support, ey? )

I've never preached a "marriage at all costs" message, although some on this thread insinuated that I was. I also don't join in the "divorce is a fix-all" crowd where there are no consequences other than to free the BS from the baggage that ties them down.

I wish you well, Krazy, whether you attempt recovery or divorce.