He used to get me flowers every 1-2 weeks just because. I am getting my flowers today.

Well i hope you got your flowers and i hope you properly thanked him for them !!!

I did get my flowers and I always show proper gratitude.
Are you feeling better after the weekend?

Not really, it was a bad weekend for us.

Ours had it rough spots too but we were able to finish on a really good note. It is nice to have a fresh start every day. Hope today is better for both of you.

I just noticed that we are the same age and have kids the same age too - my kids are the younger two.

When is your B-day? I will be 45 in August. I will also technically be an empty nester in June.

My DS will graduate in May and then turn 18 in June. So even though him and my YDD still live at home, it is very different thatn when they were in school.

My H is a little older than yours, he will be 52 this year.

My birthday is in July. My husband turned 49 today. My daughter is already out of the house. My son graduates next month and is going off to US Navy bootcamp in July.

Our ODD moved out shortly after D-day, our YDD is talking about moving out but that is all i think it is right now is talk. Our DS has not even talked about it one way or another, he has senioritis really bad !!!

I would be scared to death if any of my kids were joining the military !!

I have really been in a funk the last couple of weeks and i do not know why.

H and i had a talk last night regarding "his" anxiety issues and he said that he had spoken to my niece on Easter Sunday regarding "anxiety" because she understands because she has it as well.

I just said something to the fact of "yes i know how horrible it is" and he just said "well yours is not as bad as mine" and it set me off. I could just hear the selfishness in his voice, like he has it so much worse than i do.

So i told him that i just deal with it better than he does. So after having a horrible night sleeping (i just tossed and turned) i told him this morning how upset that comment made me.

I told him he has NO IDEA what i have been through because of his betrayal and how it is likened here on MB to the death of a child or rape. He seemed kind of amazed by that and although i guess i was glad that he listened to me and i think it stuck in his head (because he called me later this morning just to tell me he loved me ) it still made me ANGRY to think that he is JUST NOW realizing this after everything i have said to him for the last two years.

I know that part of getting so upset is that i have been in this funk and i am not sure why or how to get myself out of it darn it!!

His fog took longer to burn off?

Funk? Find someplace to volunteer at. Foster an orphan dog or cat. Visit an old folk's home. Work at Good Will. Help someone. Best funk-get-rid-ofer in the world.

I would like to hope that was the case but somehow i believe it is that he is just a selfish person and he thinks of himself first most of the time.

Right now i am so busy with working and preparing for my DS graduation and prom and baseball season. That could be part of my "funk" as well because i will soon be "technically" an empty nester. My YDD and my DS live at home but it is not the same after they graduate and turn 18.

I only have one daughter, and she graduates in 2 months, and moves out for college in 4.

So you know what i am talking about.

At least mine will still be living at home. Our ODD moved out around D-day but the YDD is still there and our DS is talking about college but it would be close to home and he will probably live with us. But it is still not the same.

You have been at this longer than me but from what I have been reading lately in the Harley books it sounds like your lovebanks are running low. Sounds like both of your Takers are stepping up and fighting for attention. Have you been spending enjoyable time together or just going through the motions? Are you getting enough undivided attention doing things that you both really enjoy?

Sounds like your Giver is ready for a break. What can you do to treat yourself? Are you taking care of you? Are you eating right, working out, getting enough sleep, and having some fun? Or, are you too busy doing for everybody else?

We spend enjoyable time together, we spend all of our time together. I am not sure if i ever (or anyone else for that matter) have my H's undivided attention. His brain is always elsewhere and you have to repeat yourself or you get a response like 10 minutes later and you are confused because you have already forgot the question and he has always been that way. He has "lost" our children a couple of times when they were younger because i "thought" he heard me say i was leaving the area but he did not.


I do not have much taker in me, i am a giver all the way. I do very little for myself but i am okay with that, it is what i enjoy.

My husband gets like this sometimes too.

Are you taking care of yourself? Sometimes when our bodies get rundown, it affects our moods. It may be as simple as eating better and going to sleep earlier.

Everybody has a taker. It really sounds like your giver is tired and that is what is giving you that funky mood. You need to take care of yourself too. If you re-read your post, do you see that you are sounding cheated and under-appreciated? That sounds like your taker trying to fight for your needs. I don't have all the info for your particular situation. This is just what I am noticing from your posts. You may not feel as badly as it reads. I know that I can come here and vent and then go back to my life and feel much better so I am keeping that in mind.

Unfortunately my H is always that way and has been that way for as long as we have been together. I guess i have just gotten used to it through the years.


I have not been sleeping well because of the "funk" i have been in, i toss and turn all night. I have been eating well but i have been busy running around in the evenings taking care of graduation stuff and prom stuff and going to games (i do not want to miss any since this is his last year to play). My H goes with me so i am not doing it alone it is just it seems like there is something to do every evening here lately.


I think it has more to do with the fact the i am "tired" of "recovering" my marriage. I am simply tired of thinking about it all the time and analyzing everything to death. Pre-A life seemed so much simplier to me. Post-A i have a hard time dealing with the same things that my H has done for the whole 25 years we have been together that did not bother me Pre-A.

I do not let it effect how i interact with others but it does effect me.

You have a lot going on. Are you enjoying yourself in the moment or worrying about "the next thing"?

I miss normal too! My husband has said the same thing. Everything about the affair sucks! Things that used to be easy are now impossible.