It is unfortunate that in America you have a better chance of winning a coin toss than staying married. Let alone happily married.

That simple fact tells you that at least half of all kids come from a broken family. Most people like to call it a broken home because they cannot conceive the notion that they really broke their family. At the very least, allowed it to be broken by another member.

Now with divorce as common as day and night, it is easy for one to forget the importance of family. While in the end it will take both spouses to make the final repairs, all it takes is one to remember that they are a family unit and take action restore it.

The first thing to do is call an emotional truce with yourself. If you are going to succeed in saving your marriage, you can't go into it angry or hurt. No matter what your situation or the cause of your problems, you must be at peace with yourself.

I know from experience the pain of a cheating spouse, so I am not just quoting some text book or telling you what sounds good. No matter what your spouse did you are still responsible for the emotions that you feel. You have a right to be angry, but do you really want to carry that around?

Can one person save a marriage? Yes, if you value your family and are willing to work hard at it. Yes, if you are willing to work long enough and wait your spouse to join in the effort voluntarily.

Here is a suggestion for settling the issues of blame when it comes to getting the ball rolling. Everything bad happened because of influence from outside the family. It all happened because the both of you lost site of what was really important.

No, it's not each other, but the family unit itself. It is bigger than both of you and what is truly worth saving because it is God's greatest gift to you.

You can single handedly rebuild your marriage

1 Set ground rules to make negotiations pleasant and safe: a) try to be pleasant and cheerful through your discussion of the issue, b) put safety first--do not threaten to cause pain or suffering when you negotiate, even if your spouse makes threatening remarks or if the negotiations fail, c) if you reach an impasse, stop for a while and come back to the issue later.

2. Identify the problem from the perspectives of both you and your husband. Be able to state the other spouse's position before you go on to find a solution.

3. Brainstorm solutions with abandon. Spend some time thinking of all sorts of ways to handle the problem, and don't correct each other when you hear of a plan that you don't like. You'll have a chance to do that later.

4 Choose the solution that is appealing to both of you. And if your brainstorming has not given you an answer that you can enthusiastically agree upon, go back to brainstorming.

You've been away for a while Kez, guess its time for a 'refresher'


and this from the good Dr himself
can one person save a marriage?

and this impact of divorce on women

I am not printing my answer to T.C.'s question. Instead, I am just printing the letter to show what happens when marital problems are confronted too late. T.C.'s wife did not tell him what was bothering her because she did not want to be a complainer. Little by little her love for him diminished until it had completely disappeared.

T.C. is asking the question, "can one spouse save a marriage" when the other spouse has walked out the door.

I ask again, Kez, have you told your husband how you feel about the revolting sex and persisted in teaching him how to please you in a non revolting way or have you given up trying to communicate with him about sexual things at all???

Communication is the key.