Yes, leave it alone...when she sees how NICE you are being to someone who has just about killed you with this heartless, cruel actions, she will come to admire and respect you even more for being a lady of grace.

P.S. your H is re-writing the marital history, the same thing every other FWS does.

He must do this in order to save face, especially to family and friends. He would look like a real a**hole if he admitted that you were actually a pretty good wife...because that just incriminates him even further that his actions were purely selfish and stupid.

Ignore his comments.

Yes I know MF....Thanks.

I'm tired and sad so I'm going to bed now.

Wow, I am noticed.

I just hope it is not for comic relief.

She is just protective of her son. Don't apologize for exposure. It is not your secret to keep. It is not about revenge, it is about killing the affair and being honest. You didn't do anything wrong. I exposed my husband's affair over two months ago and it still chaps his hide. He understands it now and knows that I did it to save our marriage. It is still causing him discomfort though. It is a consequence of HIS actions. He is more mad at himself now. Mothers are always on their children's side.

Well, not much to tell today. WH isn't speaking to me. I sent an email saying hello how are you? and his reply was that he isn't ok and made reference to things being in a uproar there. I assume he means the A has hit the rumor mill. He didn't blast me though which I took as something good.

Just wondering how much I should reach out right now. I don't want to push myself on him if he wants distance.

Make calculated contact!

Make sure you have a plan for showing your Plan A side whenever you make contact with your WH.

Agree with tst.

Contact him from time to time and make sure every contact meets an EN.

Flirt with him or tell him a dirty joke (SF)
Tell him of some fun activity you've done recently (RC)
Admire him (duh...Admiration!)

Keep the house looking and smelling great. Candles, maybe, or fresh flowers. Good music playing.

And of course keep yourself looking top notch.

Be upbeat, be fun, be irresistible.

OMG, right now that will feel like as Elaine said once on Seinfeld .... fake fake fake fake....:)

And I think he'll see it that way but I'm up for the challenge!

He is obviously going thru some rough stuff right now...which is good, he should.

I'm just wondering. After all this, could they still hope that things will just settle down and they can go back to cake eating?? Or has this shaken them up? I haven't spoken to the OWH since last week. So I don't know what his stance is on her looking for another job. My WH may eventually make the decision to leave but I see that as being a long way down the road in this process. And I'd probably be willing to eat my hat if he does....

So, what is going on with them now after the explosion? Do you think they dare still be in contact? Do you think they dare do anything??

Come on FWH's can the spell be broken now?

It's funny, two days after exposure, when my DD called him crying for him to come home and stop the A, he says to me, ok I can't take hearing her cry, I'll commit 100%, I'll stop being friends with OW....ok so they're just friends now? and stop? Is he still thinking it can go on two days after E?? I've kind of hyperfocused on that one statement, "Ok I'll stop being friends with OW". What was that? And "she makes me feel good, I have feelings for her." Is this going to end? Can it? He's in deep I'm afraid.

My guess...yes they are still in contact.. just more carefully...It would AMAZE you what some of them do to remain in contact..they’ll use pay phones…calling cards….. third parties to relay messages…

I think they began talking about what a mess they are in…. THEN… how UNFAIR everyone is being… you OWH….your DD….. DON’T they want US to be HAPPY??

OW--- Your W didn’t care about you BEFORE.. she is just tricking you now…. and your DD is a selfish brat… Look at all you’ve done for her… She'll be FINE once she stops this temper tantrum and actually gets to KNOW me...and She will see you happy!!

WH--- Yeah.. and your H practically pushed you out the door with (insert whatever she complained about) and NOW he wants you back? He just being competitive…I’m a guy I know… when he wins you back…… he’ll ignore you again.

BUT.. don’t worry….VST They are kidding themselves… exposure is to shed light on the affair for what it really is.. WRONGO…… It sheds a light they have to hide from for a while….so they will slink into the darkness… but you can’t hide from the truth forever…. There is a MASSIVE wound in the affair… and it can’t be repaired with a band aid… and band aids is all they have….

And.... they will NEVER trust each other...
Everytime OW finds out H was with you... she'll LB

Same for him....



I’ve never seen ANYONE that was in TOO deep though….

This is why you are in Plan “A” to fill the needs she fills that make him “feel good” That’s why it’s so important not to LB right now… Harley says that usually the OP only fills one or two EMs… they just happen to be (usually) in the top three…..

BUT PLEASE REMEMBER VST…. There are soooo many that the OW can NEVER or will EVER fill…
SHE CAN’T BE….

The mother of your DD
The woman he’s been married to for so long…
The one that provides that “family” comfort… they will have to run from your family… OWH family and some of their OWN family and friends……
The one he can turn to and say… “Remember when?” That…will be you he’s thinking of….
Etc…etc..

You’re doing fine… remember.. you can fix this FAST or… you can fix this RIGHT…

Good Luck and Prayers Frank

You’re doing fine… remember.. you can fix this FAST or… you can fix this RIGHT…

Good Luck and Prayers Frank

---------------

Thanks Frank, I needed to hear that. It's just hard not knowing what is going on, you know? I'm still feeling strong though!

Good..draw strength from where ever you can find it...and... let God worry about what you DON'T know.. we can usually guess the rest for you...and you'll be blown away by what God does in the background...

LOL.. as sad as it seems there really is a script to this.. this should give you comfort....because they follow the script pretty much to a "T"
That's why Harley's plan works... it prepares you for EVERYTHING and has a way to deflect just about EVERY attack...

There have been sooo many stories here...some would make your hair stand on end... that STILL have had a happy ending...

WE know ALL the tricks... and ALL the lies...

Here's one that'll shock you...

A WH invites his W to dinner with his best friend and his friend's new girlfriend...

The thing is... the "new" girlfriend is actualy the WH's OW!!
So sometime during the GREAT evening they are having together... The best friend asks the W to dance...

This leaves the WH and the OW free to dance too....

This is how brazen they can become.... Pretty ugly huh?

BUT... ALL AFFAIRS END...

I was talking to a friend today. She's been my #1 supporter thru this. It's funny how you can see where God has worked if you look back. We ended up here in a wonderful semi-small town in S.C. where we discovered an awsome church and I've got lots of Godly friends. Something that I've never had and my walk with Christ is like it's never been in my life. So, I know it was no mistake that I ended up here for this horrible thing to happen to me so I'd have the support I needed. Now I just have to ride this out and try to let God lead me thru it. I'd love to be able to walk into my bible study group, where we've been praying for my WH's salvation for over a year now, and say, it finally happened!! And see the happiness and tears from everyone!! I'm hoping that is in His plan...

Oh and I don't want this A to just end....I want it to CRASH AND BURN!!!

Then stay out of the way and let it.........

This is a great attitude.....

not2fun

THIS IS SOOOOO TRUE....

My WH was not being "truthful" to COW about how much he was seeing us, which INCLUDED me. He wasn't being "truthful" to her about his talks of reconciliation with me. And he NEVER told her how I was making his head turn and his poor fried brain think EVERY TIME he saw me because I was in Plan A...and doing an AMAZING job of it, I might add.

So, when C day arrived, imagine her surprise, when I told her EXACTLY what had been going on on MY end of all of this. And when she turned and asked him if this was true, he was SPEECHLESS!!!!!!! The look on his face was absolutely priceless.....

After that, suspicions ran abound, she LB'ed him constantly, he returned fire, because afterall, she was still living with her H.

BUT,,,,,it still took about 7 more weeks before the A TRULY died and NC was established. And my boundaries were met. And I could VERIFY NC.

So, patience, my dear friend....affairs cannot last.....

not2fun


ps...Frank, I can TOP that.....

I'm going to do my best at Plan A. I hope I can do it was well as you!

How did C day come about?

Oh yes, absolutely. This is why he won't end contact with her. As long as he still works with her, they will continue the affair to some degree. This can easily turn into a 5 or 10 year affair unless he stops working with her. This is why you must bring this up every time you talk to him. He has to leave the job, vst. There is no other way. You will never get your H back any other way.