Isn't bringing that up LBing?

OK N2F... you have me curious....

NO!! Of course its not. He has to be politely reminded every time that he has to leave the job. You must be a broken record. That is the only hope of recovering your marriage, vst. How do you expect to save your marriage if you don't bring it up?

I guess I thought I plan A'd him for a while and then bring it up and then plan B if he refuses..... He's going to anyway, quite honestly, I'm probably wasting my time....especially if he's still talking to her.

And why has he been so silent this week after having a pretty nice weekend?

I mean, how can I politely bring up one of the most painful topics ever??? Oh, just wondering if you've reconsidered leaving your job so our marriage will have a chance? He isn't invested in our marriage and hasn't been in years!! He's telling everyone how he just doesn't love me anymore and probably never did. I honestly think I might need to go to plan B very very soon.

Mel is right.. it isn't...Here are the Love Busters....

Selfish Demands, This is not a SD…It is for BOTH of you to repair your M

Disrespectful Judgments…. You aren’t making a Judgment…Its part of a plan to restore your M

Angry Outbursts….Well.. this is up to you….it could be…

But if it is said with respect for his feelings and in a admiring way (he can fix this!)

like we talked about the other day it could be a deposit in his Love Bank
EVERY TIME you bring it up!!


Annoying Habits, Independent Behavior and Dishonesty… None apply except maybe you are being dishonest making him believe it’s OK for him to work with OW…


Go back and read the good ideas about how to bring it up...
Its true... it could be 5 10 years down the road before they aren't led to the REAL WORLD of honesty and faithfulness...

Frank

This is usually good... when they are silent.. they are usually THINKING...

I've seen some of the BIGGEST turnarounds after the WS was silent for a time... UNLESS.... THE BS TOOK IT AS A BAD SIGN AND STARTED FEELING INSECURE AND ENDED UP LBing...



Don't worry... God's got that covered remember? He's got your back...

Where good ideas mentioned on my thread? I don't recall talking about how to bring this nasty subject up....nicely.

That is what I would normally do! But....I'm a different woman now!

Ok... slow down... Take a DEEP breath.... now take another...

NOTHING HE SAYS WILL LAST MORE THAN A DAY OR TWO RIGHT NOW...

It's funny.. SuperNanny is on in the background and the mother just took away the little boy's video game..
And as he walked away he said... "Bad Mommy.. I HATE YOU"

THIS IS YOUR WH right now...he's a spoiled little child that had his little toy taken away...

HE WILL.... Say things in anger he doesn't really mean..
Re-write history... COME ON VST you where there... DID HE LOVE YOU? Of course he did/DOES...

I keep telling you do not get on his rollercoaster..

You keep your two feet on the ground.... DO NOT REACT.... it's something THEY ALL SAY... they ALL say this.....All of them....there aren't any that DON'T say this... it's all in the script... we are gonna RE-WRITE it and your marriage will be better than before....

DEEP BREATHS>>> that's it....

vst, this needs to be brought up NOW with him. This is PLAN A. You can't avoid this. Go back and read my posts about what to say to him. It needs to be made CRYSTAL CLEAR that this marriage is not going forward unless he leaves the job.

Oh right the Dear Joe thing you wrote. Ok, got it.

Well, I guess I hope the answer will change from last time. You know the "I'm not leaving my job for a loveless marriage..."

What if he says the same thing again, what do I do?

Here's what I said. and Mel liked most of it....
It's only a couple of pages back...

Thanks Frank....I needed that

Here's where the problem may lie......our marriage has been disconnected for sooooooo long I don't know if he can go back to when he felt love for me. And, he's accused me of marrying him on the rebound and still being in love with my old boyfriend. He's questioned if I ever really loved him at all.

And here's something I don't think I shared. I've been "replaced" before by another "work friend". She pumped his ego and they talked shop all the time. Same situation, she and family where friends that were constantly hanging with us every weekend. He says it was never anything but his enjoyment of her respect for his knowledge. She was a huge stitch for me and we fought about her often back then. We moved away and it fizzled away. Boy I have stories about that crap. I was miserable, just like with this one and just didn't know what to do about it....he has a history of doing this but this one is far far more serious.

vst, I like what Frank wrote, just be sure you don't convey that this is an OPTION. IT AIN'T AN OPTION. Here is what i had suggested:

"Dear Joe, and I am sorry I made life so hard for you. I love you so much and want to spend my time making that up to you. From what I have read, it is clear to me that all contact with Slankyhola has to end or our marriage can never recover. I want our marriage to recover more than anything. I know the only way I can ever live in any peace with any hope of rebuilding trust is if one of you leave that company."

vst, this has to be addressed every time you speak to him. He needs to know this is the only way your marriage can survive. Make this clear to him. And go back and read my posts about Plan B. Most affairs do not end in Plan A and it takes BOTH A and B.

Now you have us... and you WILL know what to do..

THIS time..When you get the chance...it will be YOU that fills his Love Bank to the brim.. and he will yours... and this will NEVER happen agaon... because you DID before...you guys DID before you just didn't know HOW you were doing it...


We'll get those thoughts out of his head because:

HE WILL FEEL LOVED...because you will be filling hos MOST IMPORTANT EMs... as well as the ones you fill naturally...

When I E to his mom, she even mentioned that OW from back then. She said, "I always that she was in love with him, the way she looked at him!"

I'm sitting here remembering some things I haven't thought about in a while and I'm getting sick to my stomach....he was having an A with her too wasn't he?

He was good friends with her H!!!

vst, your marriage can change, but it won't unless you both make some serious changes. The biggest issue I see is that this is not your H's first affair. Your marriage never recovered from the last affair so here you are again. Your H has been trained to believe he can have an affair and then just go on with life as usual. It can't. He has to leave the job and commit to a serious plan of recovery which includes AFFAIR PROOFING your marriage. His "friendships" with women at work have been a disasater to your marriage. That has to stop, surely you can see that?

Your husband has affairs because he has NO BOUNDARIES. He allows other women at work to meet his needs. And this will continue until he stops doing that.