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I know. I have not apologized for exposing and I won't. Do I respond?
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keep saying it.
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage OK
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This is good!
This is why you expose all at once. It worked beautifully!
He got hit with all the consequences at once.
Now you sit back and plan A
He is going to stomp around and brood like a 2 year old, but it will pass!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Oh he also said "I am not discussing stuff with the OW, at least nothing significant..." vst, are you telling him he has to end all contact? Are you telling the OWH that the infidels are still in contact? Just keep the pressure up and stand your ground. I suspect you are going to have to go into Plan B, but you must be telling your H that he has to end all contact. Be a broken record.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Dont respond. Using Tst's child thing, you dont repond to children who are thowing tantrums, you just wait for them to get over theirselves
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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Ok, I need help please. My WH is blasting me for exposing and telling me all the horrible things he's having to deal with at work and with family. He says I'm pushing him away. He says "Go ahead and keep pouring gas on this fire if you feel you must... But I can tell you that right now it isn't helping in any way." And "But, things will continue to circle the drain or go down the drain if you continue to try to manipulate and control things... That is pushing me away, and right now, except for our DD I want everyone to leave me alone. "
How do I respond?? "Would you like a potato chip?" 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh he also said "I am not discussing stuff with the OW, at least nothing significant..." vst, are you telling him he has to end all contact? Are you telling the OWH that the infidels are still in contact? Just keep the pressure up and stand your ground. I suspect you are going to have to go into Plan B, but you must be telling your H that he has to end all contact. Be a broken record. Mel, I didn't say anything today because he was in such a bad state.....I knew the response would be very bad. I don't think now is the time either, right after this email.....or should I go ahead and put it out there using your suggested dialog?
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Mel, I didn't say anything today because he was in such a bad state..... vst, the best thing that can happen is for your H to crash! His house of cards needs to fall! It's hard to watch that happen, but it really is the BEST thing for him! Keep up the pressure just as Mel has said. Until they no longer work together, there is no chance of restoring your M.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Mel, I didn't say anything today because he was in such a bad state.....I knew the response would be very bad. I don't think now is the time either, right after this email.....or should I go ahead and put it out there using your suggested dialog? The response will be very bad no matter when, but it will be WORSE the longer you wait. Put it out there now and continually bring it up. He is still operating under the illusion that he can maintain contact with the OW. That is going to cause you trouble if you don't get to work here, vst. The goal is to save your marriage, NOT TO AVOID MAKING HIM MAD AT ALL COSTS.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. he has told you he is still in contact with his lover, that information needs to be conveyed to her H NOW.
Do you know who the OW's parents are? Can you contact them and ask them to use their persuasion to influence their daughter to leave your H alone?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did you read my other points? vst, avoiding conflict by not bringing this up is making it worse. Your H continues his affair to this day. His affair is getting more and more entrenched and he is getting more and more entitled in his thinking.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok I said this "I am sorry for my part in the mess our marriage became. I love you and want to spend my time making that up to you. I know that all contact with OW has to end or our marriage can never recover. I want our marriage to recover more than anything. I know the only way I can ever live in any peace with any hope of rebuilding trust is if one of you leave that company. The fact that you are still discussing anything with her, whether significant or not, is not something I can live with. I've made it clear to you how much I want our marriage to work, but I need you to know that is what will have to happen for us to begin reconciling. There is no other way. I know that you will find a way to fix this for our family. I have confidence in your ability to do the right thing."
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His response: I'm not going to leave the co. I have no say in what the OW & OWH do. If she leaves, I don't care. If she stays, I don't care... If you are or have been trying to get one of us fired, that will not work."
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My WH is blasting me for exposing and telling me all the horrible things he's having to deal with at work and with family. This is GOOD....VERY GOOD.... [qoute=verysadtime] He says I'm pushing him away. He says "Go ahead and keep pouring gas on this fire if you feel you must... But I can tell you that right now it isn't helping in any way." [/quote] Foggbabble at its finest....Isn't it AMAZING how they all sound the same??? My WH said the very same things....  Of course you aren't helping in keeping their "Fantasy" alive....you aren't supposed to.... And "But, things will continue to circle the drain or go down the drain if you continue to try to manipulate and control things... Of course they will....his AFFAIR will circle down the drain... That is pushing me away, and right now, except for our DD I want everyone to leave me alone. " translate.....I want YOU to leave me alone, because I luvsmesomecrackho and you are making it IMPOSSIBLE to get it......  CALMLY and PATIENTLY....you tell him that you are sorry if things are rough for him, but this is a CONSEQUENCE of his actions. That you love him very very much, and you have GREAT HOPE for your MARRIAGE and the TWO OF YOU, but that this cannot possibly happen until he ends all contact with her one way or another. You BELIEVE that he is a strong and capable man of doing the right thing for himself and his family. That you are sorry for the pain you have caused in the marriage and that you are working TODAY on what things YOU need to do to rectify YOUR mistakes.... YOu can do this....I know it seems difficult, but don't listen to him. He doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt right now...... and all this is VERY VERY NORMAL..... stay strong for you and your daughter..... not2fun
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Ok I said this "I am sorry for my part in the mess our marriage became. I love you and want to spend my time making that up to you. I know that all contact with OW has to end or our marriage can never recover. I want our marriage to recover more than anything. I know the only way I can ever live in any peace with any hope of rebuilding trust is if one of you leave that company. The fact that you are still discussing anything with her, whether significant or not, is not something I can live with. I've made it clear to you how much I want our marriage to work, but I need you to know that is what will have to happen for us to begin reconciling. There is no other way. I know that you will find a way to fix this for our family. I have confidence in your ability to do the right thing." very good.... now, do you have OWH's email address???? I would email him a copy of that email your H sent you where he states that him and OW are still talking...... not2fun ps...I BET part of his tantrum, is because YOU did expose and they are fighting about it..... 
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His response: I'm not going to leave the co. I have no say in what the OW & OWH do. If she leaves, I don't care. If she stays, I don't care... If you are or have been trying to get one of us fired, that will not work." Translation: Boy, I'm in hot water... blah... blah... blah... I wonder if one of us really IS going to get fired. 
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Do I respond to his response?
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vst, do not let your WH bully you into backing down. That's what he's trying desperately to do. That's what all his threats and anger are about. Stand your ground and let HIM take 100% of the consequences.
Your marriage CAN withstand his anger. It CANNOT withstand him dating other women.
Mulan
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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