|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
I'm sitting here remembering how he treated me due to the old OW and it's no different that with this one.
Why do I even want to bother with this JERK??
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I'm sitting here remembering how he treated me due to the old OW and it's no different that with this one.
Why do I even want to bother with this JERK?? If he CHANGES, there is a chance. But if he doesn't, your life will continue this way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018 |
just be sure you don't convey that this is an OPTION. IT AIN'T AN OPTION. Right...there is no other way...and HE has to figure out a way.. REMEMBER... how scared you were about exposure...you thought he'd NEVER talk to you again...Then you had the day at the park... Don't worry...this is a script...you have to stick to your part.... Mel and many others have watched this movie.. OVER AND OVER AND OVER.... it always plays out the same.... it is clear to me that all contact with Slankyhola has to end or our marriage can never recover Mel.... 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
it is clear to me that all contact with Slankyhola has to end or our marriage can never recover Mel....
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
Honestly ya'll I'm PISSED thinking back to that time!! I think I just shut it out because it was so painful but the comparison is huge.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018 |
Honestly ya'll I'm PISSED thinking back to that time!! I think I just shut it out because it was so painful but the comparison is huge. OK... Deep breath..... THAT IS NOT NOW... The enemy is working on you now.... IGNORE HIM... you already forgave him for that... it's off the table... and you didn't know what to do so it happened again... THIS IS WHY WHAT MEL IS SAYING IS SO IMPORTANT!!! Last time you fixed it fast.... and stayed in your comfort zone... Time to get out of the CZ and fix it RIGHT..... Need some inspiration??? Look into your daughters eyes....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
I have a lot of resentment in me. A LOT! He's treated me like CRAP for a long time. Well no more will I take it. He's either going to step up and be a man or he isn't.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
Honestly ya'll I'm PISSED thinking back to that time!! I think I just shut it out because it was so painful but the comparison is huge. OK... Deep breath..... THAT IS NOT NOW... The enemy is working on you now.... IGNORE HIM... you already forgave him for that... it's off the table... and you didn't know what to do so it happened again... THIS IS WHY WHAT MEL IS SAYING IS SO IMPORTANT!!! Last time you fixed it fast.... and stayed in your comfort zone... Time to get out of the CZ and fix it RIGHT..... Need some inspiration??? Look into your daughters eyes.... Thanks Frank!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
The thing he says about wanting to be sure he can commit 100% to our marriage is that he wants to be sure he won't get involved with someone else down the road......of course he's telling me that while unbeknownst to me he's still involved with her....saying it's not about her it's about the possibility of someone else.
I'm married to a serial cheater!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
The thing he says about wanting to be sure he can commit 100% to our marriage is that he wants to be sure he won't get involved with someone else down the road "yes, I want the same thing too. I am willing to work on the marriage as long as we are both committed to making this a happy marriage with boundaries in place to prevent a repeat affair. I can't live in a marriage where adultery is a way of life. The first step is complete no contact with your OW. The next would be to set up boundaries to ensure this doesnt happen again. What suggestions do you have to make sure this doesn't happen again?"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
Thanks Mel. That's good and I will use that. It's perfect.
Well, I'm going to bed now.
Later!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018 |
Good night VST... dream of the angels....
Look VST.. This is a very hard time…we all know how hard it is believe me… I lost FORTY POUNDS in 2 months… and I wasn’t overweight.. The first time my mother (God rest her soul) saw me… she shrieked and then cried…. and cried….
I’m a man and I cried EVERY DAY….I called out to Jesus to help me over and over and over the first night she was gone… and he came and I’m not kidding.. I felt TOTALLY calm.. then he led me here….
The thing that I cried about the most was…. as I learned here… I learned how I had closed her spirit to me… The two most important things I learned was WHAT I DID… and what needs I needed to fill to make her “Feel Loved” again.
The first thing she said to me on DDay was with a shocked look on her face… she said.. “I thought you didn’t care anymore…” But.. she was deep by then… and it took ALL I had to do a good Plan “A” .
So…you need to FOCUS.. you can’t stay in Plan “A” too long… it will be damaging for you… put a number on it…see a light at the end of the tunnel… You won’t have to do this forever… just do it RIGHT…while you are doing it
Stop thinking so much about how hurt you are and FOCUS on WHAT YOU NEED TO DO….before you find yourself 4 months into a poorly done Plan “A” to tired to go on without losing yourself altogether……and in a Plan “B” that will just end in divorce…..
Again.. look into your DD’s eyes… DEEP in there… and notice the fear…. and the HOPE…. That this will end happily for her and you and your H…..and your family…she already knows her odds…. 50/50….. What she DOESN’T know is.. we are going to turn you into a WARRIOR…. and you will FIGHT the enemies of your marriage and you and God will CRUSH them…. IF YOU FOCUS….AND ….
If you follow the PROVEN battle plan that brings your odds up to about 95%... of not just salvaging a weak marriage… but building a fireproof (have you seen the movie?) affair proof LOVING marriage that will be safe from this forever…. YOU CAN DO THIS……. YOU CAN DO THIS…… YOU CAN DO THIS…….. YOU can …….
God’s Blessings… Frank
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
Ok, I need help please. My WH is blasting me for exposing and telling me all the horrible things he's having to deal with at work and with family. He says I'm pushing him away. He says "Go ahead and keep pouring gas on this fire if you feel you must... But I can tell you that right now it isn't helping in any way." And "But, things will continue to circle the drain or go down the drain if you continue to try to manipulate and control things... That is pushing me away, and right now, except for our DD I want everyone to leave me alone. "
How do I respond??
Last edited by verysadtime; 04/18/09 02:53 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
Oh he also said "I am not discussing stuff with the OW, at least nothing significant..."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698 |
Oh he also said "I am not discussing stuff with the OW, at least nothing significant..." Sure he isnt  
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
The OWH has called him twice with "veiled threats" he says. He he now has strained relationships with a few people at work.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698 |
Ok, I need help please. My WH is blasting me for exposing and telling me all the horrible things he's having to deal with at work and with family. He says I'm pushing him away. He says "Go ahead and keep pouring gas on this fire if you feel you must... But I can tell you that right now it isn't helping in any way." And "But, things will continue to circle the drain or go down the drain if you continue to try to manipulate and control things... That is pushing me away, and right now, except for our DD I want everyone to leave me alone. "
How do I respond?? They ALL say this or a variation of it. You respond with quiet true. I love you, I believe we can fix this, I am fighting for my family and my marriage.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 716 |
That is what I said (via email) that started this rant!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698 |
The OWH has called him twice with "veiled threats" he says. He he now has strained relationships with a few people at work. Karma is a b***** isnt she? Its all part of the consequences of HIS actions, not yours. Remember the stick part of the carrot and stick??? Do NOT save them or shelter them from the consequences of thier actions
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698 |
keep saying it.
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
I love you, I am fighting for my marriage
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
162
guests, and
63
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,619
Posts2,323,475
Members71,921
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
