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Respond: Is it raining where you are?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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No response to his email.
You can't plan A if you get in an argument. You're not going to change his mind right now, and you've stated your boundary. Nothing more needs said. He wouldn't hear it anyways.
He's a wayward alien. BTDT.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Do I respond to his response? If you do... something like... "I'm not trying to get anyone fired....I'm trying to save OUR marriage because I LOVE you" BTW... that email was GREAT!! Don't worry.. he's "bargining right now" This is good... BUT you have to hold STRONG... He'll understand soon
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vst, do not let your WH bully you into backing down. That's what he's trying desperately to do. That's what all his threats and anger are about. Stand your ground and let HIM take 100% of the consequences.
Your marriage CAN withstand his anger. It CANNOT withstand him dating other women.
Mulan Thanks Mulan! I appreciate the fact that I can come here in a crisis and get immediate support! That is awesome!
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Respond: Is it raining where you are? OK, PM, I liked that one. SMB and I are 
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Respond: Is it raining where you are? 
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Thanks tst. BTW, what does that stand for??
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Oh.. Try and keep your replies a little shorter...they can't take in too much all at once....LOL....
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By the way VST, Tst and SMB are a MB recovery success story. You should read SMB's thread if you get a chance.
Actually, now that I think about it, you're getting excellent advice from some of the most respected posters on MB. Absorb it like a sponge.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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He just said that he doesn't believe for a second that I love him. That during my E I didn't tell anyone that I loved him (wrong I did). That he is stretched as thin as he can get. That I need to stop trying to control and manipulate him. That if I want to guarantee that our M ends, to keep doing what I'm doing.
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VST - Pep is the current queen of wit but a number of qualified revfogtalks can do it too.
For example; he's fog talking and spewing right now - it's all wayward insanity so don't take any of it personally.
Since exposure is over a week old and he's still boo-hooing about his latest exposure discovery, you may want to respond; "oh that? it's so in the past - wanna potato chip?" To which he spews more - to which you say "Oh - I think I heard something. Can I get back with you on this?" and hang up.
He wants to hurt you - to get you engaged in a lovebusting fest so that he can blame you for how he feels. Disengage - do not take what he says or does personally - because he brought this on himself - get out of the way and let him feel it full force.
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Pep is the current queen of wit but a number of qualified revfogtalks can do it too.
For example; he's fog talking and spewing right now - it's all wayward insanity so don't take any of it personally.
Since exposure is over a week old and he's still boo-hooing about his latest exposure discovery, you may want to respond; "oh that? it's so in the past - wanna potato chip?" To which he spews more - to which you say "Oh - I think I heard something. Can I get back with you on this?" and hang up.
He wants to hurt you - to get you engaged in a lovebusting fest so that he can blame you for how he feels. Disengage - do not take what he says or does personally - because he brought this on himself - get out of the way and let him feel it full force. Thanks KA, I do for the most part understand that it's fog talk, but some does make it in for a stab here and there. I think I've handled it pretty well by standing my ground in a loving way....I'm done with communication tonight though.
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He wants to hurt you - to get you engaged in a lovebusting fest so that he can blame you for how he feels. Disengage - do not take what he says or does personally 
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This is where I left it: "I'm doing this for us and for our DD. I do believe in you. I know that somewhere inside you is a man that can and will get back on the right track and do the right thing for his family."
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I know that somewhere inside you is a man that can and will get back on the right track and do the right thing for his family." Ah... a little judgemental... and educational... be careful with that....
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I know that somewhere inside you is a man that can and will get back on the right track and do the right thing for his family." Ah... a little judgemental... and educational... be careful with that.... oops....ok I'll watch that kind of talk. Thanks.
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It wasn't really bad.... just fine tuning here... 
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Ok I said this "I am sorry for my part in the mess our marriage became. I love you and want to spend my time making that up to you. I know that all contact with OW has to end or our marriage can never recover. I want our marriage to recover more than anything. I know the only way I can ever live in any peace with any hope of rebuilding trust is if one of you leave that company. The fact that you are still discussing anything with her, whether significant or not, is not something I can live with. I've made it clear to you how much I want our marriage to work, but I need you to know that is what will have to happen for us to begin reconciling. There is no other way. I know that you will find a way to fix this for our family. I have confidence in your ability to do the right thing." Very good!! just keep on saying this over and over again!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He just said that he doesn't believe for a second that I love him. That during my E I didn't tell anyone that I loved him (wrong I did). That he is stretched as thin as he can get. That I need to stop trying to control and manipulate him. That if I want to guarantee that our M ends, to keep doing what I'm doing. This is nothing more than a manipulation to get you to SHUT UP and back down. vst, you need to prepare for Plan B.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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His response: I'm not going to leave the co. I have no say in what the OW & OWH do. If she leaves, I don't care. If she stays, I don't care... If you are or have been trying to get one of us fired, that will not work." Does he know that you have exposed at work? TO WHOM have you exposed the afffair there? Was it OFFICIALLY exposed to the Director of Human Resources?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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