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Originally Posted by Dealan-de
Quote
I know I can do this. I'm not a bad person. I've made mistakes, but I am not a mistake.


I'm saying this with love and compassion:

"Yes. Now prove it."



It really is that simple.

I am so sorry, Dealan-de. cry

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I know.

Have you ever had one of your kids wander off when you were shopping?

You know that terror feeling in your gut when you first realize you can't see them...it's the feeling that something could be threatening them...right?

That's the feeling a Betrayed feels when contact is made between an OP and the wayward....but it doesn't get better, Sparkly. It's not like, "oh, I found my kid, so everything is okay..."

The terror and feeling that your FAMILY is in danger and that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach lasts for days, and days, and days, and days.

It's the last thing you feel when(if) you go to sleep, and it's the very first thing you feel when you wake. It's fight or flight syndrome 24/7.

Please understand that for Spartan's sake.

It's not just a hurt...it's an anxiety that is VERY difficult to get ahold of.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Originally Posted by Dealan-de
Have you ever had one of your kids wander off when you were shopping?

You know that terror feeling in your gut when you first realize you can't see them...it's the feeling that something could be threatening them...right?

That's the feeling a Betrayed feels when contact is made between an OP and the wayward....but it doesn't get better, Sparkly. It's not like, "oh, I found my kid, so everything is okay..."

The terror and feeling that your FAMILY is in danger and that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach lasts for days, and days, and days, and days.

It's the last thing you feel when(if) you go to sleep, and it's the very first thing you feel when you wake. It's fight or flight syndrome 24/7.

Please understand that for Spartan's sake.

It's not just a hurt...it's an anxiety that is VERY difficult to get ahold of.

I've gone through severe anxiety attacks before and they're enough to make you want to die. I will do everything that I can to put him at ease and to put him first after God.

I downloaded a ringback tone just for Spartan that wholly and completely expresses how I feel.

Hoobastank "The Reason"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjC9k7U0Wzc

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I am on Verizon too. If you need another ear, the Mrs. has my email addy.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Originally Posted by Dealan-de
I am on Verizon too. If you need another ear, the Mrs. has my email addy.

I'll take you up on it. I'll send the admin my number.

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So he made me a cup of coffee this morning before he left for work, but didn't want to kiss me. I texted him and told him that I would be joining a group of coworkers for lunch (he has one of their phone numbers that he can verify with) and he didn't respond. I called him to make sure that he got the text and he said yes but he was really busy and hung up without saying goodbye.

There's a part of me that wants to ask if I can stay with our Pastor and his wife for a couple of weeks because I know just looking at me hurts him, but then again I don't want him to think that I'm giving up. It's so hard because I don't know what to do or what he wants me to do. Do I ask for a kiss? Do I sleep in the same bed or bunk with one of the kids? I'm afraid to even ask.

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Sparky --

I haven't posted to you...but I've been following your story.
I'm also a FWW.

I know what you're up to. I know you felt a thrill when OM contacted you. I know it met a need for you. I know that your inner thoughts were filled with the thought "he still wants me, I must be great/beautiful/sexy/wonderful/etc because he can't get over me". I know that Spartan probably isn't meeting your need for admiration -- and that left you vulnerable.

If you TRULY want your marriage -- you need to learn how to put your TAKER away. You're not going to get your needs met for awhile. You want to be admired, but there is nothing for Spartan to admire right now. To get what you say you ultimately want -- you have to GIVE.



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Originally Posted by Dealan-de
Have you ever had one of your kids wander off when you were shopping?

You know that terror feeling in your gut when you first realize you can't see them...it's the feeling that something could be threatening them...right?

That's the feeling a Betrayed feels when contact is made between an OP and the wayward....but it doesn't get better, Sparkly. It's not like, "oh, I found my kid, so everything is okay..."

The terror and feeling that your FAMILY is in danger and that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach lasts for days, and days, and days, and days.

It's the last thing you feel when(if) you go to sleep, and it's the very first thing you feel when you wake. It's fight or flight syndrome 24/7.

...It's not just a hurt...it's an anxiety that is VERY difficult to get ahold of.
Thank you for this, Dealan-de.


Me (FWW): 45
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Originally Posted by Lexxxy
Sparky --

I haven't posted to you...but I've been following your story.
I'm also a FWW.
I'm honored that you took the time to respond to me and I thank you for that.

Originally Posted by Lexxxy
I know what you're up to. I know you felt a thrill when OM contacted you. I know it met a need for you. I know that your inner thoughts were filled with the thought "he still wants me, I must be great/beautiful/sexy/wonderful/etc because he can't get over me". I know that Spartan probably isn't meeting your need for admiration -- and that left you vulnerable.
Absolutely true and today I feel sick inside because of it.

Originally Posted by Lexxxy
If you TRULY want your marriage -- you need to learn how to put your TAKER away. You're not going to get your needs met for awhile. You want to be admired, but there is nothing for Spartan to admire right now. To get what you say you ultimately want -- you have to GIVE.
I am preparing for that. It's gonna hurt and I'm going to feel shunned, lonely, diseased, rejected and unwanted. But I know that it was my own actions that caused that. I recognize that it's NOT because I am those things.

I will give all of me that I can and be the wife that he hasn't seen in so many years. I used to be the "over the top" Supermom, Superwife and now I'm not even close to that. I have a lot of work to do. Whatever it takes.

I have purged any and all reminders of him that I could find. I also blocked him from e-mailing me at work. Each step makes me feel lighter and less burdeoned.



Last edited by MutedSparkle; 04/21/09 11:45 AM.
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Quote
You're not going to get your needs met for awhile. You want to be admired, but there is nothing for Spartan to admire right now. To get what you say you ultimately want -- you have to GIVE.


OMGosh!

I love me some Lexxxxxxxxxxxxxy (I never know how many xxxx's to write) today.

Shelf your taker for right now, Sparkly. She's only gonna hurt Spart-man right now, cos he's all given out and runnin' on empty.

You will become a Proverbs 31 Woman, Sparkly. You must if you want to earn your family back.

10 [a] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate


The really wonderful part about being a Proverbs 31 woman, is that once you ARE her, your taker is quieted naturally, and nearly always satisfied.



I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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> I also blocked him from e-mailing me at work.

Better yet, have 'em forwarded to me. I'll take care of 'em.

Ptooey!


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Originally Posted by Dealan-de
Shelf your taker for right now, Sparkly. She's only gonna hurt Spart-man right now, cos he's all given out and runnin' on empty.

You will become a Proverbs 31 Woman, Sparkly. You must if you want to earn your family back.

10 [a] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate


The really wonderful part about being a Proverbs 31 woman, is that once you ARE her, your taker is quieted naturally, and nearly always satisfied.

This has been printed out and put up in the forefront of my cubicle. Thank you, Dd

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Dd is the pig (yes, I had a pet pig once).

I'm Kimmy.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Originally Posted by Dealan-de
Dd is the pig (yes, I had a pet pig once).

I'm Kimmy.

Oh gosh I'm sorry, Kimmy!! I was shortening Dealan-de to Dd! I feel sooooooo bad.


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We're texting.

Spartan: You have made me feel empty and numb inside. I feel sick.

Me: I am so sorry, Spartan. I will do whatever you need.

Spartan: I really don't believe you can.

Me: Because you don't believe in me or because you don't want to do this?

No response from him yet, but I'm afraid of what the answer might be.

Last edited by MutedSparkle; 04/21/09 12:18 PM.
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ROTFLMAOPIMP!

WOULD YOU QUIT APOLOGIZING TO ME!!!!

I was trying to make a funny!


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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>Me: Because you don't believe in me or because you don't want to do this?


Quit asking these things. DO.

Words whisper.

Actions SHOUT.

Or...to quote Jedi Master Yoda:

"Do or do not...there is no try..."


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Originally Posted by Dealan-de
ROTFLMAOPIMP!

WOULD YOU QUIT APOLOGIZING TO ME!!!!

I was trying to make a funny!

I'm really outta sorts today. :crosseyedcrazy:

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MS, he is only going to believe you by consistant actions, not words. Right now your words are meaningless to him. Each time you get a text like that you should only tell him how sorry you are that you let him and your family down again.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
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Originally Posted by faithful follower
MS, he is only going to believe you by consistant actions, not words. Right now your words are meaningless to him. Each time you get a text like that you should only tell him how sorry you are that you let him and your family down again.

I will do that. When he says angry things to me, I will understand. I'm not going to smother him (as much as I want to) but will wait for him. I'm sure that right now, just the smell of my perfume pi$$es him off.


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