vst, I called OW twice. The only thing I regret, is that my first call was unprepared. I was reeling from just finding out about her and didn't say what needed to be said.

I did tell her that she is messing with a married man with 5 kid (she already knew that and didn't care). I told her to stay away from my husband (she didn't care). I could have really delivered a punch to her if I had thought it out and prepared something strategic.

The second time, I didn't make that mistake. I wrote out an outline of the points I planned to make. She tried to interrupt me and I cut her wicked butt off and stayed in control of the situation.

These OWs are WEAK and FEEBLE.

HaHa

OW called me. We knew each other. She and her H were guests at our wedding.

She said: "I'm sorry this happened."
I said: "Sorry doesn't change things."
She said: "What else do you want me to do?"
I said: "Pay me half the money my husband spend having this affair. Around $5000 ought to do it."

*** silence ***

I said: "Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say. Sorry is so easy."

That was the last time she called.

Ok guys, good stuff. Thanks. I will write down what I want to say and I'll give her a call this week.

I probably don't want to bring up the stuff about the work discomfort and OWH calls do I? Should'nt I wait until he says something else about it?

I would not bring it up.

But when he brings it up, I would say what Mel said.

wow, $10k ?? I don't know for sure but I'm figuring around $2,000 or $2,500.

Ok, will do.

Someone sent me a link to Violet's reverse babble but it isn't good anymore. Does anyone have this?

I can RB rather well and I have...the trouble is that it tends to come out very sarcastic when I did it and that isn't good when you are in Plan A. I had gone into Plan FU and I really didn't care at that point.

The trick is to practice so that it does NOT sound sarcastic.

Just thinking about you, vst.

How are you holding up?

Pep.......

your my hero......

Wish I had thought of that one.....

I would figure mine would be around $30,000.00........


gosh, I HATE affairs....

not2fun

Hey SMB. Thanks for thinking 'bout me. I just hung up after talking to the OW. I told her she was not special that adultresess were a dime a dozen. I also told her that she was not his first. She seemed a little thrown by that stmt. It was ok but basically a waste of time. So that is that.

My WH totally hates me right now and doesn't want to hear from me at all.....

I told her that any fantasy she had of waltzing into WH's family has been squashed, they now know what she is and will have nothing to do with her. And, that my daughter also knows what shes done and knows that she is NOT a friend of this family. I also told her that I've been pretty nice up until now but no more. If I get one inkling that something is going on, she is going to be surprised by the magnitude of my reaction. I assured her that she doesn't want to go there.

VERY WELL DONE......

And by what you have done earlier with the exposure, your words have MEANING behind them..... :twobyfour:


and your WH not talking to you...well, don't sweat over it. Right now, he thinks you are his ENEMY. IF he decides to Recover and come home, in time he will see this. Not at first, but in time.....Mine thought he was being manipulated too (ESPECIALLY after I told him about this place....my biggest mistake in the whole thing....), BUT 6 months into Recovery, he told me he was glad I stood up for the family, especially since no one else did.....and that it AMAZED him all that I endured and did. But, it took awhile for that to come.....

Your doing good.....just keep it up.

Oh....one more thing....

even if he isn't talking to you or coming over, ALWAYS BE PREPARED.......

not2fun

OMG, What were they DOING?

His hatred really hurts though, like really deep. I've endured so so much and he thinks what he's going thru now is hard!

Ok, always be prepared......to Plan A him??

That total is the amound spent to HAVE his affair.

He moved out.....rent for year...$10,000.00
Bought new furniture for Ratsnest.....$12,000.00
Airline tickets (COW lived elsewhere and he paid for ALL of HER airline tickets...and his).....$5000.00
Jewerly (which he "claimed" was for me..... )....$2000.00
(which I did CONFISCATE.... )
Lingerie (which was all "for me"..... )....$100.00
Flowers (all delivered, since she didn't live here....)...$1500.00
Various expenses, activities, and whatnot when she came into town for those weekends.......$10,000.00
One winter coat (cuz COW was from the south, and couldn't handle a little "chill")......$60.00
Start up for the new business they were going to do together to make their "relationship" seem legite to others....$1500.00

And that what I KNOW.....my WH (and my Husband in general) is a big spender.......and FS is a HUGE HUGE HUGE EN's of her's...like her H said, "She's all about the money...."

Anyway, it really doesn't matter at this point.
Some of it still hurts to this day, but I am walking through it.....

not2fun

wow, that is incredibale! Sorry I asked you to dredge all that up.....that probably wasn't cool.

Your WH is still in WAY SELFISH MODE. He cannot even SEE what you have endured because life has always been about HIM.

All WS's are this way while still foggy...he sounds VERY typical. My FWH was that way for a very long time...seemed like forever.

We're 2 years into recovery and now he thanks me for what I went through and how hard I fought for him. But it's taken a long time...patience, my friend...patience. Remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. You have a long ways to go, I am sorry to say.

Just take it one day at a time...

Yes, be prepared at all times for him to come over, to call, to email...sometimes he will be all nicey-nice and other times he will be that "alien". YOU need to be the lighthouse and always remain the SAME nice, loving, Plan-A'ing wife...the place where he WANTS to come home to.

You can do this, keep going. I know it's hard...affairs are horribly unfair and painful and I know the pain feels excruciating at times...I have been there.

But the world keeps going 'round and inevitably you wake up 1 year...2 years...down the road and somehow you have made it. And you will too.

yes....always be prepared for him to just "show" up, call, or email. Just always be prepared.

Now, while I understand what you are saying, I have to say, for me, while everything was doing and saying was very painful and hurtful, for me it hurt more to see what he was doing to himself. Honestly. It literally tore my soul apart when he was around, because he looked AWFUL and MISERABLE. While part of me was glad and thought he deserved it, I really empathized for the man.

Remember though, the COW didn't live here, so they saw each other only every couple of weeks. So he was constantly in a state of withdrawl of some sort. In fact, for a while in early Recovery, I was angry because here I was feeling sorry for the poor chap during the affair, I find out later it was more over her than us....

BUT, I got over that as I learned he was really just in turmoil all the time over everything. Including me and the family.....

not2fun

Don't sweat it....really. Yeah it hurts, but its in the past for me now. I just continue my journey through it....besides, you didn't ask for specifics, I just gave them to ya......

More than anything its just a waste at this point.....and my H NOW is very disgusted with himself over this......

not2fun

VST,

What MF wrote is so DEAD ON....(great post MF.....). Re-read it....

not2fun