Ummm, with all due respect, honey, that isn't MB advice. I'm sorry to have to be the one to say this, but, well.... how do I put this nicely? Ummm.... People don't come here looking for Your personal brand of marital recovery, they come here for MB. Leap should still be very much in the Plan A. It's not about living *for* her spouse, it's about standing by her spouse and giving the marriage every opportunity to survive, and hopefully recover and thrive. They've got alot more years into this than you have, so let's not just be willy nilly advising her to toss it all away because, let's face it, the divorce rate is as unreasonably high as it is these days because we are a fast-food and fast-thrills culture, and people oft forget that the best things in life don't come easy.

Leap, (((hugs))) stand by your man, with a REAL Plan A, complete with carrot and stick, and alot of good snooping. Lean on us for support. I lean. Ever notice that when 2 lean against eachother, they hold eachother up? You can do this. There are many qualified recovered MBers here to help. You can do this.

If you have any friends that are NOT his friends, you can ask them to follow him.

**edit**

Lets keep posts productive and focused on Marriage Builders concepts so this newcomer can be helped. If you are not familiar with Basic Concepts, please familiarize yourself with them before you try to help others.

Basic Concepts
How to Survive Infidelity

Thank you, Revera

Leapfroggy, we have combined your threads.

Thanks, Revera

Oh, thank you, Revera!

MG, I do love this site and the people here. Absolutely the best!

Verizon assured me that there is absolutely NO way WH will ever know I'm monitoring him this way. And I checked his phone when I did the first Locate. Nothing happened, no beep, no display. It's working very well for me!

Sad, I am very sad for you. Hookers so much must be hell for you.

Is he a sex addict?

White, thank you for clarifying the MB concepts so well.

I am standing by my man - to the extent that he allows. He just left to go for a ride in his new truck and I said I could go with him. He said that's ok, you don't need to. But he did take me for a ride yesterday when he brought it home.

I guess I just have to practice patience...although it's so very hard. I want us to be close again, NOW. I know that's not gonna happen, though.

I thank everyone so much for their support! With your strength, I can get through this.

Nope, all friends in common. And he knows my sister's car too well.

The gps is working well, though.

So you know where he went on his little ride? That kind of unaccounted for time would make me nervous. That is one thing I have going for me, I think, is that my H is pretty much accounted for. I have to look into that tracking, though

I really am happy to be able to be a support. You're helping me, too. If there's one thing you notice FAST, it's that this kind of shocking stuff shakes you to your core and makes you unsure, so even though I am by no means an expert, since I'm into this a few more weeks, I can at least kinda offer a little bit and if nothing else be a support and benefit in my own education. Know what I mean? It's like when I have taught classes, I've often noticed that for as much as I teach, I've learned more in learning TO teach it. (((hugs))) Hope today is an up day

Yes, it does make me nervous, White. He's always liked to just go and drive around though, so this is nothing new. I've just got to stop doing a locate on him every 10 minutes, though.

Lord, does it ever shake you! I've had an almost constant stomach ache since this started.

One thing that is crazy-making: Most nights he wakes up, says "Baby, where are you?" and then cuddles me for a long time. Last night (while sleeping) he invited me to go hunting with him if I wanted to. I said I would, that I just wanted to be with him. This morning when I mentioned it, he said he couldn't believe he'd say something like that.

He takes his meds with him every am, wrapped up in a kleenex. I've been putting little notes in there. Today I said that he is the most important person in the world to me. I hope he will think about that during the day.

{{{hugs to you, White!}}}

He lied about where he was on his little ride. The gps says he was local, within about 7 miles. He said he went 25 miles in the other direction then turned around and came back.

A few days ago WH said he was thinking about going to stay with his best friend for a few days. He doesn't know when.

Opinions please: I'm thinking I'm going to tell him to go today. Maybe it's time I showed some strength in this situation, instead of letting him lead, or not lead, the way. Help!

Why don't you confront him on his lying?

Just ask him where he went and when he lies tell him that you know that's not true and that lies have no place in a marriage.

Then just be quiet and see what he does.

Don't you DARE tell him how you know. Let him think a mutual friend saw him, or that you have hired a PI or whatever.

I think "telling him to go" is a very bad idea. I'm not sure how good of a plan A you've done, so you might need to do more Plan A. Also, you don't have your Plan B lined up with all the i's dotted and all the t's crossed. So sit tight on that idea for now.

That's why I was hesitating to say anything - I sure don't want him to know he's been gps'd.

I did go for a ride with him, and we just got home. He said he's feels like I'm smothering him and he doesn't like it, because he's gotten used to being alone. I said that I thought if I was with him, maybe he'd get used to me again. He said he didn't know.

I'm just so discouraged and weepy right now.

Good. I do know that GM's phone tells him when I locate. He thinks it is funny, he asked for it to help me feel better. If yours does not then that is perfect! Go for it. I wish I had snooped, it would not have helped much but it might have been stopped earlier.

Hi!

Thanks, is is hell but I don't think anyone here is not feeling the same way sadly. I am not sure it matters how long or how many, it was the underlying emotional problems that caused it. Some here say it was sex addiction, Steve and GM's Dr. here say it is just addictive behavior and that there were many facets to it. I don't care, I don't need to know the specific addiction I just have to treat it like I have before with his substance abuse.

Ya know, it sucks really badly but by working with Steve, following incredible suggestions and advice from people here and attending the MB weekend we are making progress. This really does work, it is incredibly hard but it really does work. I just hope that I can hold it together for myself long enough to make the correct decision.

Leap, did it say he was driving the whole time? I'd tell him the odometer blows his story

Don't let him go that easy. I always say "How can we work on US when we are not an US anymore?"

Get strong. Don't be loud or destructive. For me, I had to give it to my H with both barrels. "How can you lie and lie and look yourself in the mirror? I didn't marry a liar, how did you decide it was OK to become one? How can our child use your behavior as a role model? Really, how can you stand yourself?"

I think I'll wait until tomorrow to ask him about his little trip today - it will seem more like I got the info elsewhere.

How do I deal with WH hardly wanting to touch me in the day, and cuddling and saying he loves me at night?

So many mixed signals...

***sigh*** Aliens are all mixy in their heads. **edit**, and H was along for that ride, but then WHAMMO needed space. Oy. The aliens suck.