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Sorry for your renewed pain.
Maybe you and goldpig can compare notes? It sounds like you married the same woman.
I wonder what muted and lindz do for fun? Club seals, burn puppies, eat children?
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Spartan--I don't believe that I have ever posted to you either but I have been following MS's thread and posted to her a day or so ago.
I am so sorry that you are finding yourself going through this yet again. It must be horrible.
From a FWW's point of view I can tell you that I am appauled by your wifes continued actions. And, her lies to us all here about the NC... 50 times over the last month? She made it sound as if it were once. How disappointed we all are and we can't imagine how you must feel.
I promised my BH NC and that is what I meant. I have not had any contact with OM in about 8 months now. But, the continued contact between MS and her OM must be unbelievably excruciating to you....again, I am sorry.
What is it that you want to do? Do you even WANT to stay married at this point? I don't think I would.
You need to protect yourself now and remove yourself from the continued pain this woman is giving you. I would suggest Plan B at a minimum.
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Spartan, how exposed has this A been?
When this SAME THING happened to me, I went all-out, nuclear exposure. I exposed and then I exposed some more.
I recommend you do the same. Don't hesitate, do it NOW.
Even if you exposed before, do it AGAIN. It's your only hope.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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When this SAME THING happened to me, I went all-out, nuclear exposure. I exposed and then I exposed some more. I remember that night well. Spartan, Nuclear exposure and right into Plan B.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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When this SAME THING happened to me, I went all-out, nuclear exposure. I exposed and then I exposed some more. I remember that night well. Spartan, Nuclear exposure and right into Plan B. I hear that often.  It must have made quite an impression because lots of people remember...I believe I did a good job and my exposure finally ENDED the A. That's why I recommend it so highly, because it WORKS!
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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When this SAME THING happened to me, I went all-out, nuclear exposure. I exposed and then I exposed some more. I remember that night well. Spartan, Nuclear exposure and right into Plan B. I hear that often. It must have made quite an impression because lots of people remember...I believe I did a good job and my exposure finally ENDED the A. That's why I recommend it so highly, because it WORKS! Is your nuclear exposure in a thread somewhere us newcomers can read? 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Spartan, I am so, so sorry your WW has dishonored you, her marriage and her children in this way. She is broken and I'm not sure she's fixable. What she has done is sick and twisted. It's as if she's two different people.
Do what you need to do to protect your heart from any more abuse. From this point on, I'd say it's on her to do any more work in this marriage, starting with staying away from you and getting some help (not that this has worked in the past).
I feel so bad for you. But know, this... this is NOT your fault, in ANY way.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Spartan, I'm sad to see this false recovery. I'm sure it hurts.
But to be honest with you, it's not a suprise.
The only real difference between your situation and some other people on the board is MS's multiple affairs.
MS's false recovery is just like so many others we have seen.
I'm just not sure you have bothered to take the time to equipt yourself in this battle?
Have you read "Surviving an Affair". MS said you would not read this book with her or any other books. Is that true? or is that just inaccurate info from her?
Do you even want to equipt yourself?
I know you had an affair at the same time as one of her past affairs. Did you do any work to recover from that? or did you both just brush it all under the rug and hope it would just go away?
Do you still want this marriage? Is it worth it to you?
And I'm not sure why we on the board get so mad when a false recovery happens? She's just a typical wayward, doing typical wayward crap.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Here ya go... MFs Exposure Thread You can even see part of the thread that I started on the message board where they met, and where I exposed, there is a link for it. This is what an effective exposure looks like.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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And I'm not sure why we on the board get so mad when a false recovery happens? She's just a typical wayward, doing typical wayward crap. ooh-ooh  pick me! pick me! looks like me doing the potty dance, doesn't it ?
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Here ya go... MFs Exposure Thread You can even see part of the thread that I started on the message board where they met, and where I exposed, there is a link for it. This is what an effective exposure looks like. OMG MF, I've never read that thread. Your exposure was amazing! I found my self saying, "you go girl", even though I knew I was reading about something in the past.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Princessmeggy,
You did some incredible work on muted sparkels thread regarding all the conflicting statements. As I stated after reading and referencing your post, no reasonable person can walk away after reading that, and knowing that she has been in contact with him virtually daily, that she did not resume the PA. And I said as much after your quotes. As of yet there has been no denial to what you or I had written.
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Here ya go... MFs Exposure Thread You can even see part of the thread that I started on the message board where they met, and where I exposed, there is a link for it. This is what an effective exposure looks like. OMG MF, I've never read that thread. Your exposure was amazing! I found my self saying, "you go girl", even though I knew I was reading about something in the past. I feel like that neighbor kid that rides the big wheel on The Incredibles and catches Mr. Incredible being Incredible..."THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!" Awesome...just awesome.
Last edited by Dealan-de; 04/23/09 12:39 PM.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Well pm and kimmy...whatever I did, it WORKED, the A ended THAT DAY.
I am so greatful for all of the help and support I had here during that time...incredible.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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Spartan, if you still want your marriage, I would suggest that you require much from your WW. She has a long history of infidelity, lying, manipulating, and blameshifting.
Expose the affair to....
your children (yes, they should be told)
her parents and siblings
church friends
church pastor
anyone else you consider having influence over Sparkle
Tell Sparkle that you require a legal separation and she is to move out immediately.
Then IF you decide to reconcile, it will be on your terms, which I suggest should include a post-nup and a polygraph to just BEGIN.
She must give up ALL independent behavior and ALL sense of entitlement.
Require nothing less than that.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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I know your exposure is over and done but you were one bad MF. Fantastic job!!!
I know at the time it's not funny but in hindsight I seriously have to wonder what was going on in the APs minds as their heads were exploding.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I want to thank everyone for your posts, as you can tell im not a big poster so i will only pop in once in a while. right now i feel crushed. i do love my wife but she needs serious help. she could be an awesome wife if she wants to be, but i am not sure she can truly separate real life and fantasy. i want my wife back 100% but i dont think she will get my trust back for a long time. and i dont think she will be able to deal with it. i still feel that there are alot of things that she has not told me the truth about and until that is done i dont think we can move past this one. sorry, i cant type well or fast, but i sure can fix a car. unfortunately its in my nature to try and fix everything even if it cant be fixed. and yes i am not completely innocent, during her first A i had a revenge affair. short lived and not satisfying at all. wish i had never lowered myself to that level, and never will again.
BS (me)- 43
WW (her) 39 MutedSparkle
DS - 8
DS - 5
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Just remember you have a tendancy to be a little naive where she is concerned. OK, I have sat back and watched this thread go from good to bad in a matter of seconds. My wife Sparkle has been doing alot to change the way she conducts her life on so many levels that you just don't know. I am proud of the progress that she has made in the last few months. And I know that her sense of humor may seem that she is making light of the situation but it is not. She has owned her actions and reactions to the things she has done and said to me and others. I have told her that I will stick by her side no matter what happens. I can understand that some of you still deal with triggers just like sparkle and I do but this is supposed to be a place to go to get help and info from all sides of the spectrum, when sparkle came home to me tonight almost in tears because someone did not understand the way she said something, I felt that I needed to say something. So please, be quick to listen, slow to speak, andslow to get angry. James 1:19. Thank you for all the help and insight that you have given her, please be gentle. Spartan
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Two things I would require before taking one baby step forward:
Polygraph and make sure you know the truth.
Lawyer up and have an agreement drafted that will give you full custody and all the material objects if she chooses to do this again.
Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
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This is really starting to remind me of Zen and Coho's interchanges on their respective threads. I hope that MS and Spartan's ending is a better one.
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