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Actually, we do. Right now, your aptitude as a mother is measured by how you've treated the most important man in their lives and yours.
These are not unrelated.
The way you treat your spouse is a direct reflection on your fitness as a parent.
Courts may not believe this, but it's true.
The priority of relationships for believers is:
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Family
4. Others
Your husband comes before your children, therefore how you treat your husband is directly correlated to how you are treating your children. Treat your husband poorly and you are in fact treating your children poorly.
Abuse, yes I said abuse, your husband with all sorts of LB's and an affair and you are abusing your children.
It doesn't have to remain this way. But please, don't try to tell us you are a good mother when you've hurt and abused them with your treatment of their father.
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No one knows the mother that I am to my children and those are the comments that hurt the most. ????? The kind of mother that would risk destroying their safe family to have a fling?
Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
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GOD is weeping at your continued deception. And was before you got caught. He knew you were lying before Spartan did. He knew you would before you did it. And He still cried every time you did it. Mark I have been constantly praying. No one here can take my faith away from me or convince me that I do not deserve His grace and mercy. I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HIM FOR THAT!
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it upsets me to see you lecture tst on his posts after what you have done. He abbreviates. You lie, cheat, manipulate, deceive and break the vows of your M. You really have very little right to lecture anyone.
tst gives up his time to HELP on this board. He doesn't have to. He chooses to. He is gving back. He has helped my FWH and me so very much. He is, however, lke all of us, a little frustrated with your apparent posturing.
I hope I am wrong about you. BUT!!!!! You do not seem humbled. You do not seem broken.
Your children deserve MUCH better than they have had from you thus far. Spartan deserves much better.
Please don't let them down again. I hope you can see the damage you are doing and I hope you can begin your journey towards recovery. No one knows the mother that I am to my children and those are the comments that hurt the most. Oh now Sparky, but WE DO know the kind of mother that you have been...Just as I know the kind of mother that I was during my affair...It was NOT good...Not even close... Ask yourself, Does a good mother: Go about destroying their child's happiness and security by having an affair? or affairS as the case may be... Drink to escape her conscience? Continually lie? And the list of what active waywards do that does NOT qualify them for "parent of the year" goes on and on... Of course that stuff stings, it is the truth...You have NOT been a good mother while having your affairs...Humble yourself and admit that...it is fact... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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it upsets me to see you lecture tst on his posts after what you have done. He abbreviates. You lie, cheat, manipulate, deceive and break the vows of your M. You really have very little right to lecture anyone.
tst gives up his time to HELP on this board. He doesn't have to. He chooses to. He is gving back. He has helped my FWH and me so very much. He is, however, lke all of us, a little frustrated with your apparent posturing.
I hope I am wrong about you. BUT!!!!! You do not seem humbled. You do not seem broken.
Your children deserve MUCH better than they have had from you thus far. Spartan deserves much better.
Please don't let them down again. I hope you can see the damage you are doing and I hope you can begin your journey towards recovery. No one knows the mother that I am to my children and those are the comments that hurt the most. Oh now Sparky, but WE DO know the kind of mother that you have been...Just as I know the kind of mother that I was during my affair...It was NOT good...Not even close... Ask yourself, Does a good mother: Go about destroying their child's happiness and security by having an affair? or affairS as the case may be... Drink to escape her conscience? Continually lie? And the list of what active waywards do that does NOT qualify them for "parent of the year" goes on and on... Of course that stuff stings, it is the truth...You have NOT been a good mother while having your affairs...Humble yourself and admit that...it is fact... Mrs. W You're right. But I never stopped loving them.
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it upsets me to see you lecture tst on his posts after what you have done. He abbreviates. You lie, cheat, manipulate, deceive and break the vows of your M. You really have very little right to lecture anyone.
tst gives up his time to HELP on this board. He doesn't have to. He chooses to. He is gving back. He has helped my FWH and me so very much. He is, however, lke all of us, a little frustrated with your apparent posturing.
I hope I am wrong about you. BUT!!!!! You do not seem humbled. You do not seem broken.
Your children deserve MUCH better than they have had from you thus far. Spartan deserves much better.
Please don't let them down again. I hope you can see the damage you are doing and I hope you can begin your journey towards recovery. No one knows the mother that I am to my children and those are the comments that hurt the most. Looking at my gorgeous children in the aftermath of my H's A was what hurt me most when my FWH betrayed me and our children. Everyone thought they knew the father my H was to our children. I thought I knew the father that my H was to our children. We were all wrong. He risked their futures for a quick ****. Was he thinking of them when he was with the OW. Was he thinking of the impact that his decisions would potentially have on them for the rest of their lives. NO HE WAS NOT. HE WAS BEING A SELFISH JERK. THAT hurts the most. I hope you are not telling me that a comment from someone who you do not know compares to the hurt a BS feels when they look at their children and realise that their lives and future happiness meant nothing to their spouses when they were arranging their next session with their OP's. Please redeem yourself by putting their needs and Spartan's needs before your own, and that starts with the realisation that until now your needs have come first, not theirs.
Me - BW
FWH - BB -(PA Jul 08 - Aug 08)
D-Day - 8 Aug 2008
Recovering nicely
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You're right.
But I never stopped loving them. You just loved POSOM more?
Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
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Should have stopped at you're right.
I'll tell you what, I'll believe you never stopped loving them when I believe you are fog free, no excuses, no trying to make yourself look better, etc.
Please stop with the justifications and trying to feel good about yourself. It will only irritate folks trying to help you, and probably irritate Spartan.
How about we leave it at you are trying to demonstrate that love you believe you've always had, but didn't always demonstrate.
Even that's tough for me to swallow, but since you are here, I do believe that you have love in your heart for your children.
I'll believe you are letting that love flourish based on how you act, and what Spartan reports.
Not based on what you say or what you say you've done, feel, think, etc.
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You're right.
But I never stopped loving them. Sparky, Love is an ACTION, not a "feeling"...Your actions weren't loving... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I'm not looking for any sympathy from this but my doctor is very concerned about some lumps that she found and ordered the mammo and ultrasound with a doctor's presence. I'm sorry, I'm scared. Nevermind. Sorry.
Last edited by princessmeggy; 04/24/09 02:03 PM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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MS, here is a clue
If you say A, but B, 'but B' negates A.
You have a lot of this thinking that is coming across in your posts.
I.E. I had an affair, but I'm a good mom.
I had an affair, but I always loved my kids.
I'm not looking for sympathy, but I'm concerned about...
Do you get it? The wayward mindset always has a, "but...."
What we are asking you to do is to drop the But...
I.E. we are looking for you to say AND LIVE out the following:
I had an affair.
My affair hurt my children.
My affair hurt my husband.
My affair was a selfish hurtful act.
Practice those things and practice eliminating the but... thinking. It's a little thing, but (sorry) it will really pay big dividends with how you think about this and how other will perceive you.
As long as you not only adjust your speech, but adjust your mindset and ACT in the same way, I believe you will do fine.
It's not just about words. It's also about living a "no buts" life.
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MS
I'll give you the same advice I gave Lindz:
Step 1. Stop having sex with men that aren't your husband. I can explain in more detail what that means if you need it.
Step 2. Go see a shrink and find out why you have so little respect for yourself that you do these things.
You have more value than how you are behaving. What do you think our children would think of you if they knew what you have been up to? Stop being that woman MS.
What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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I am not running away from the board.
I'm signing off for today and going to get some quiet time with God.
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No one knows the mother that I am to my children and those are the comments that hurt the most. Would that be the mother you were before the affair or the mother you wish you had been during it? I just know you want what is best for your children, Sparky. How was ripping your family apart doing what was best for them. You say... And yet you act(ed) some other way. Words, WORDS, WORDS! Blah, BLAH, BLAH! This isn't going to be fixed by this weekend. It might not be fixed by a year from now. You can't just move past it and get on with doing things better from now on because your actions have even proved to be false. Mark
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I'm signing off for today and going to get some quiet time with God. While you're at it, read Proverbs 6 beginning at verse 20 and Proverbs 7. Also see Micah 6:6-8 and Psalm 51. ETA: Sparky, I get the feeling you think I am being unfair and judging you unfairly. I base this entirely on the way you respond to what I post to you. Believe me when I say I am not trying to beat you down but to make you think, feel and acknowledge that faith in forgiveness without seeing it as the greatest privilege you could ever be granted is a worthless faith. I'm not saying you are beyond redemption or that you are not worthy of salvation or any of those kinds of things. What am looking for here is an acknowledgment that you have not exhibited anything resembling faith in a Christ who dies to pay for your sins. You claim to have faith and you cling to forgiveness and salvation, but have you given your life to Him? Think about this for a minute before you respond. You claim Christ as your savior and LORD. This would mean not only that He has saved you but that you let Him lead you. Would He lead you into adultery? And if He did not lead you into adultery that means you weren't following Him. You weren't tricked, fooled by the devil or forgot to do the right thing. You made a choice to break your vows, shame yourself and bring despair to your savior. You did in fact put yourself before God, Spartan, your children and a whole lot of people some of whom you will never even know or meet. And I am also not saying I or anyone else is better than you, Sparky. I am saying that what you did does not match what you are saying. Your forgiveness is not cheap. It came at a very high price; He paid with His blood for you to be forgiven. What you claim as faith is more like a wish. I'll stop now, but please realize that your actions simply do not line up with what you claim in the way of saving faith in Christ. Look at what happened to the Northern Kingdom (Israel) when they thought God would protect them no matter what they did or how they acted... Mark
Last edited by Mark1952; 04/24/09 02:49 PM.
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I have been constantly praying. No one here can take my faith away from me or convince me that I do not deserve His grace and mercy. I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HIM FOR THAT! ~emphasis mine Actually Sparky, the scary thing is that the path you've been on could absolutely take you away from God. FOR.EV.ER. Remember, there will be no unrepentant adulterers in Heaven... Secondly, none of us "deserves" his grace and mercy...Not one single person on this earth does...He chooses to give it anyway to those who repent and ask for it...Amazing, powerful stuff...So graciously given, but never, ever "deserved"... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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No one knows the mother that I am to my children and those are the comments that hurt the most. I DO!!!!! Not because I was a wayward....but because YOU are just like MY MOTHER...... An adulteress MOTHER puts her INFIDEL before the children...... An adulteress MOTHER will spend HOURS on the phone with her INFIDEL INSTEAD of with her CHILDREN An adulteress MOTHER will take her children around the INFIDEL and tell them "We don't need to tell Dad about this".... An adulteress MOTHER will lie to her children when they happen upon a scene and tell them "It wasn't what you think"..... An adulteress MOTHER will tell her children the INFIDEL is a "friend" and that mommy "can have 'special' friends"..... and then when the Adultress MOTHER's children grow up, they will do EXACTLY what they have learned......FROM their "loving" mother (that my dear, is my SISTER......mom's first words to her when she found out??? "Didn't you learn better from me????".....Yes, mom, I'd say she ACED that lesson.....it was all STILL about HER.....  ) Don't bother blowing smoke up my butt missy, because I KNOW......I have walked a MILE and then some in your children's shoes...... If you don't like the fire honey, get out of the kitchen..... not2fun
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Hello-
New here, your thread is the first I've read...just by chance. I have read from the beginning. I must say that I really feel sorry for your kids. I can't say how many times I have heard about you going to the gym, out to lunch, etc. but never ONCE about an activity concerning you spending one on one with the kids. So many comments regarding your physical appearance, but nothing about children. I know this site isn't about kids...but it isn't about appearances either or working out. I just think it is so telling of what type of mother you are. sorry
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No one knows the mother that I am to my children and those are the comments that hurt the most. Trust me here. I've not steered you wrong yet. You are nowhere NEAR the mother you can and should be.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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My H said the same things during his A...that he was a "good dad".
He wasn't, at all. He SUCKED at being a father during that time.
Now he is an AWESOME father, he knows he has a lot of making up to do.
I hope you get to the same place...you are still foggy.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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