Would it be ok to tell him that I've been fighting for him for over a year now and I'm loosing steam. That please don't push me to the point that I don't care to fight anymore.

No? Yes?

Can't I put some uncertainty out there for him?

Interesting development.....WH came inside when dropping off DD, which he hasn't done lately. Was cordial and asked for my help with some insurance stuff. On his way out he said be thinking about what to do this weekend......I said really? He said yeah be thinking about it and let me know.

blow me over with a feather......

How are you doing?

Lots of ups and downs......but I'm hanging in there.

Thanks for asking

Your words won't make him uncertain. He has been trained to do what he wants without consequence. He doesn't believe you will do anything to stop him. Talk has no TEETH to it. He will not take you seriously unless and until there is ACTION backed up with your talk.

He is only concerned with his own selfish interests because he has been trained to be this way. All you have to do is tell what your REQUIREMENTS ARE and make sure he is clear on that aspect.

Then when it is clear he won't comply, you use the remaining leverage you have and go into Plan B.

But be assured he is still fully in his affair, vst. He is seeing her in the parking garage or some other place. He just can't get together with her on the weekends so he needs you to fill in the gaps for him.

See, he knows there will be no consequences. You will be there waiting no matter what. He doesn't even question that he is in full control of the situation.

Well dangit...ok so what are you saying? Is that ok for now that he thinks that? I mean even though I've told him otherwise.

VST,

Sounds like you need to be PLANNING.....as in Plan A'ing. DO THIS WEEKEND WITH HIM.....

I agree with Frank, that while you have been VERY good at applying the "Stick" of Plan A, NOW is the time to apply some "Carrot". Plan an AMAZING, KNOCK-HIS-SOCKS-OFF, COME-TO-ME-JESUS weekend.

With LOTS AND LOTS of YOU meeting his EN'S.....RC, PA, ADMIRATION, and FC

WOW him with all YOUR guns BLAZING....

NO relationship/marriage/affair talk.....NONE****NADA****ZIP

If he brings it up, politely change the subject....

SHOW him how this CAN work.....and do it confidence.....

He does think he can call the shots....let him think that, KNOWING that really YOU hold the cards.....

And your next hand is to VERY VERY soon go into Plan B.....


But you need to apply some more carrot.........I know he hasn't given you much chance, so TAKE the oppertunity when it arises......and it has risen my dear.....


((((vst)))))

now, get you butt in gear and PLAN....PLAN .....PLAN .....PLAN....


not2fun


ps...and while you plan this, and do it....REMEMBER....NO EXPECTATIONS. Do not expect him to meet ANY of your EN'S....take it IF he does, but meet his ANYWAYS......

Thanks Not!! I will put aside my desire to stomp his face in and do a great Plan A. I need this opportunity and I'll make the best of it!

Its ok, we already knew this. I am just pointing out that he believes he can do anything and you will be there waiting. He will have a strong reaction when you go into Plan B.

No, not "make the best of it".....

You MUST be perfect......

That ALSO means,,.....

NO LOVE BUSTERS....No Angry Outbursts, No Disrespectful Judgememts, No Sarcasism

And you do ALL of this with GRACE and CONFIDENCE....

IF you do this, you will leave him wondering "WTF is up with VST??"...."Did I MISS something?"...."Have I messed up BIG time?".....

YOu show him that you have not a care or worry in the world...(even though we know you do)

And let me tell you something, you will KNOW when you have him confused. It will be there. TRUST ME on this. Every time I Plan A'ed WH and I NAILED it....I knew.

This is a HUGE moment for you......are you ready for it???

not2fun

Not is right on with this.





But I have to disagree with this.

My Plan A was perfectamundo. But it did not appear to get in...AT ALL.

I know now how many things did get in because tst has told me. The look into his eyes, the touch on his face, the never blowing up at him. It was what he did not expect.

Please do not expect to SEE anything from WS except fog. That way, you are protecting yourself. If you go into this expecting to see any results from your Plan A this weekend, you are setting yourself up for a big crash.

The affects of this weekend may not be felt by him until you are in Plan B and he REMEMBERS.

Stay focused this weekend on what Not said about how to do this Plan A. No matter what he says, no matter what he does, do NOT love bust. Come here and rant.

You are getting *great* advice from not and smb.
Please memorize what they have written

Then be your absolute, most stunning BEST self this weekend.
He may be mean, hateful, non-responsive, fun, encouraging, hopeful, planning divorce... NONE of that matters. You keep your eye on your STRONG PLAN A and just avoid relationship talk completely.

If the opportunity presents itself, take a few photos. Get someone else to snap a pic or two of the two of you having a great time. Then later you can email them to him with a quick note of how much you enjoyed yourself.

Here is potential ammo ..... (Chinese menu style ... pick your choices)

A. touch yourself when he is talking to you - I mean, place your open hand over your heart - smile and nod (even if he's saying nonsense)

B. lick your lips when you can see him in your peripheral vision and you know he's looking at you

C. accidently drop something at his feet - and keep looking at him while you bend to pick it up (Legally Blond)

D. if there is food involved - eat slowly and carefully - chewing slowly - comment on how "wonderfully delicious" everything tastes - "Mmmmmmmm. WH, You should try this." Offer a fork of your food. If he refuses, say "You're missing out. It's wonderful." Keep smiling.

E. comment on something he's wearing "Nice jeans. You look like you've been working out." Come up with some sincere compliment about his looks.

F. wear your hair in a pony tail if it's long enough - and let it loose half way through the event - if you have shorter hair run your fingers through it a little (not too much)

G. if there is an awkward silence - close your eyes - and tilt your head back and smile with your mouth closed - WH: "What?" YOU: "Just thinking nice things."

H. if there is an opportunity to lightly touch his arm, take it - hold it there and look him in the eyes and say : "Hi you."

I. When leaving. Thank him for a very enjoyable time. Even if it kills you. Say it. Your parting words should feel like a light kiss.

J. and if you can give a light kiss - give it.

VST,

You there???

What's going on with you today???

You had BETTER be knee-deep in Planning.......

Pep gave some great tips....(I ESPECIALLY love H. I did this ALL the time....now its a habit.... too got great advice to do this OFTEN from Schoolbus, another great VET.... )

Don't forget as well, to look your BEST....this meets PA. Wear something you know he especially likes you in. Wear whatever color he likes seeing you in. You said PA was high on his needs, so make sure you NAIL this one.

And as far as something to do......

Go bowling....great "busy" activity for the whole family that doesn't leave a whole lot of time for "talk"

Go play putt-putt......another good one

Go race go-carts......

I personally, say do something that isn't "normal" for you all. YOu want to add an element of excitement and mystery to yourself.....something he wouldn't "expect"...

And be PREPARED to have something to do. DO NOT rely on him to have everything planned out. If he does, GREAT, follow his lead, but this way you will be prepared to have something to do.

You can do this. I know you can....

And everyone is right,......NO LOVE BUSTERS....It does no good to make deposits with meeting his EN'S if you are putting holes in the bucket......

not2fun

YOU CAN DO THIS...!!

I think you go for a kiss...( never ask for a kiss just go for it!) Wait for the right moment early in the day....physical contact is VERY important to men...

Start slowly... hold his hand for just a moment... Put your arm around his waist when you are laughing about something....Kiss him on the cheek.... a little at a time... like you are on a third date... like everyone says... FLIRT... you KNOW guys can't resist flirting (naughty girls...How you love to torture us! )

Think of this...we men ALWAYS have to try this or that and get shot down ALL THE TIME!! Do we quit? No... and you are glad we keep trying.....

So if he shuts you down once or twice...MAN UP!!!

I think you are going to be surprised....

GOoD Luck and Prayers Frank

WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU REALLY HARD!!

http://www.geocities.com/darrt.geo/dogsprayer2.jpg Check us out praying.....

Hey, I'm here. Just read all the great advice. Thanks so much! There is a festival here in town that we're going to. Some kid activities, food, music, etc. I like the bowling idea. DD would love that so I will throw that in as well. It's going to be a nice weekend and he's already mentioned the "boat" but I just ignored it. (we communicate via email..) He's already said he will go to church Sunday as well. So, I'm soaking in everything you all said and I will be ready and in top form and ready to Plan A my [censored] off! Thanks everybody!!

Real quick,

What are you going to do if he cancels???

I only ask, because that happened to me on a few occassions. You need to be PREPARED for this, JUST IN CASE.......

not2fun

DD and I will go to the festival anyway....I don't think he will. He wants to spend time with DD. He's been pretty nice since yesterday evening. His emails have not had any hints of anger. But if he does, life goes on!

Good thinking N2F

"Expect the BEST.....Prepare for the WORST"

VST... Did you check us out praying for you?