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DD and I will go to the festival anyway....I don't think he will. He wants to spend time with DD. He's been pretty nice since yesterday evening. His emails have not had any hints of anger. But if he does, life goes on! BUT how will you RESPOND to him????.....(I want you to think about what your EXACT response will be, so IF it does happen, you WON'T LB....) not2fun
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DD and I will go to the festival anyway....I don't think he will. He wants to spend time with DD. He's been pretty nice since yesterday evening. His emails have not had any hints of anger. But if he does, life goes on! BUT how will you RESPOND to him????.....(I want you to think about what your EXACT response will be, so IF it does happen, you WON'T LB....) not2fun Oh...I'll say I'm sorry that you won't be going....you'll miss a fun time....are you sure you won't change your mind?
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Perfect, and make sure you sound SINCERE and NOT upset at all.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Good thinking N2F
"Expect the BEST.....Prepare for the WORST"
VST... Did you check us out praying for you? Yes! That is too cute! Frank thanks for your words of encouragement!
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Perfect, and make sure you sound SINCERE and NOT upset at all. Ok Thanks MF, I'm in a pretty good state of mind so I'm feeling really confident!
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Oh...I'll say I'm sorry that you won't be going....you'll miss a fun time....are you sure you won't change your mind? VST,  Very good....and then you come here and vent.....  I am LOVING the way you sound.....This is very good. Strong and Confident.......I'm thinking you'll do quite well this weekend.....keep it up..... ((((VST))))) Gotta run now....I need to work on a few of my H's EN'S before he gets home..... not2fun
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I have a question....Not, I'm reading your 1st thread and wow...it blows my mind. I also noticed something someone said to you and I've seen it before here in other threads. "The problem is you could lose your love and respect for him. It can happen very suddenly, and once it is gone, it's gone." This is why my WH says he had the A to begin with (the love part).....so how can I possibly expect him to get "it" back if "it's" gone? ok maybe I'm thinking when I shouldn't be thinking..... BUT I have wondered about that one. You'll probably tell me it's fog babble anyway, right?
Last edited by verysadtime; 04/24/09 06:38 PM.
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Well, we had our day as a family. It went ok. I didn't do any LBing and I was pleasant, etc. No physical contact as he was careful to keep his distance the entire time. If I moved closer he moved away. I laughed at his jokes and made some myself and had some chit chat but that was it. So, now I feel like crap. We were here alone when we got back as DD went out to play with other kids. He hung for a while and then said he didn't feel well and left. He is going to meet us at church tomorrow. He could very well back out on that since he isn't feeling well. oh and I think I looked pretty good too... So that was it.
Last edited by verysadtime; 04/25/09 03:34 PM.
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We just spoke regarding our DD and I sweetly asked him "if I had tried to hold your hand, would you have let me?" and he said "I really don't know.."
Know what? I don't deserve this. I did nothing to deserve this.
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"The problem is you could lose your love and respect for him. It can happen very suddenly, and once it is gone, it's gone."
This is why my WH says he had the A to begin with (the love part).....so how can I possibly expect him to get "it" back if "it's" gone? Why did your H have the affair? I am not clear on what you are saying..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He said because he hasn't loved me in a long time, if ever.
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He said because he hasn't loved me in a long time, if ever. That is the result of his AFFAIR. This feeling came AFTER the affair, not before.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm not sure I believe that....
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How did he happen to meet the other woman?
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How did he happen to meet the other woman? They work together. He brought her and her family (husband & kids) into our lives as "friends".
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I'm not sure I believe that.... It may be true in your case since this is about his 3rd affair, but that kind of talk is classic fog talk of someone who is in an affair. Even so, your H may have fallen out of love with you, but he has never HATED YOU. You are experiencing the kind of ABUSE from your spouse that often results in HATE, if not severe emotional and physical symptoms.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have a question....Not, I'm reading your 1st thread and wow...it blows my mind. I also noticed something someone said to you and I've seen it before here in other threads.
"The problem is you could lose your love and respect for him. It can happen very suddenly, and once it is gone, it's gone." VST, What they are saying is regarding Plan B. That one needs to go into Plan B because Plan A is difficult. It is done WHILE the spouse in their Affair. It is done KNOWING that their spouse is in contact with the affairpartner. And it is an emotionally abusive situation to be in. And if you are in it for TOO long you end up losing your love for you partner..... Now, I have said this before and I'll say it again, I don't believe in this. It is the ONLY thing Dr. H says that I disagree with. I can see how a BS's love bank would get into the red. I can see how they may think they HATE their spouse (ME....), but as far a losing love COMPLETELY....I just don't agree. Even if the BS thought they had lost their love, I think the WS could WORK to get it back...... So, while you WS may THINK and BELIEVE that he doesn't love you, it is because he is putting his ENERGY into HER. Which blinds him. Again, its the fog. AND IF, he is willing to end all contact with her for LIFE, put in the hard work of recovery, follow Dr.H's 4 rules of marriage, then YES, he can fall back in love with you..... My WH didn't believe he could either......now HE DOES....... not2fun
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I'm not sure I believe that.... It may be true in your case since this is about his 3rd affair, but that kind of talk is classic fog talk of someone who is in an affair. Even so, your H may have fallen out of love with you, but he has never HATED YOU. You are experiencing the kind of ABUSE from your spouse that often results in HATE, if not severe emotional and psychological symptoms. so why does he hate me? or does he have phychological problems?
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Third affair? How long do you have to put up with a man who has three affairs on you?
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I'm not sure I believe that.... It may be true in your case since this is about his 3rd affair, but that kind of talk is classic fog talk of someone who is in an affair. Even so, your H may have fallen out of love with you, but he has never HATED YOU. You are experiencing the kind of ABUSE from your spouse that often results in HATE, if not severe emotional and psychological symptoms. so why does he hate me? or does he have phychological problems? huh?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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