This was from another site.

In the last week we have had two gentlemen on another site lamenting the fact that after talking, cajoling, encouraging, enticing, and introducing into the the lifestyle, their wives. They now have to deal with unforeseen issues. Like their wives falling in love with men their husband encouraged them to spread their legs for. For the enlightened ones here who believe the lifestyle can enhance their marriage experience, a few thoughts.

Men, you may believe that this could add a little pepper to your marriage. The problem lies with the make up of men and women. A man can look at sex as just that. SEX. He does not necessarily feel a connection with a woman, because of it. A woman on the other hand, in most cases, makes an investment when she allows a man to enter up inside her. In many cases a woman has a deep spiritual connection with the man when they have coitus. While it is true that there are women who can compartmentalize the sex. I believe that this is not the norm.

Think about this for a moment men. When you allow some other man to do your wife, you are risking more then you imagine on a couple of different fronts. First you risk her finding someone who is better then you in bed. And guess what guys, there is always someone better then you in bed. Next you risk her finding someone she emotionally connects with who tells her " Your husband is insane for letting me do this to you. If you were mine, I would treasure you and hold you forever, I feel so fortunate to be doing you." Next you have the wife like in the recent story who after having an affair, comes to her senses and realizes her husband has been using her to get his yayas by watching other men defile the woman he is supposed to love, honor and cherish. Till death do you part. Hopefully this little talk will alert those out there that are considering letting other men inside their wives.

Now there will naturally be those marriages that can survive the lifestyle. But I believe those to be a tiny minority. And someone may come right behind me and say. "Hey my wife and I enjoy the lifestyle". Think for a moment. Would the two men that have shared here in the past couple of days, said the very same thing at one point. So the next time a friend or someone you know approaches you. Or you look on line and see a standing invitation to swing with no strings attached. Remember this............There are always strings attached. And some of them may be attached to your wife's heart.

Enlightened ones? Nobody enlightened would believe this.

Do you seriously believe that men who read this web site might be considering swinging?

I must've missed the 2 swinger threads

Have you seen the show "Snapped"? There was an episode where a woman fell in love with the swinging mate - they plotted and killed her husband. Needless to say the H will never be swinging again.

GG

Betcha $50 bucks there are. But you won't hear about it.

Charlotte

I know that there have been posters who have indulged in swinging and who come to MB because they regret it. However, I cannot see that somebody drawn to MB, who either posts or lurks, considers swinging.

That's like saying that the rest of us consider having regular affairs.

I think that there a men on this site that will consider anything.

Why do you think that about men on this site? Surely men on this site are interested in marriage building.

I can name names of a few that don't but I'll still betcha 50 bucks that there are others who DO think about it, MB or not. Even OWH mentioned it before (he's not on MB, though). He was lamenting because Slag never wanted to try the lifestyle--they had discussed it because he thought they could "handle" it as a couple--then she turned around and had the affair. After expressing distaste about the swinging.

But he NEVER even thought of going at it alone, and there are men who do. I was looking around a bit after that conversation and I was shocked at how prominent it is, hence the 50 buck bet.

All walks of life, too: teachers, business men and women, regular working Joes and Janes...just about every level, the ones that gave away their career status, anyway. Even now I wonder sometimes about people I see or meet and wonder if they are in the lifestyle.

Gray never posed that to me but I'm sure he thought about it.

Charlotte

I was listening to radio clips from Dr Harley today and he had a call about this very subject. A man [15 yr marriage] had pushed his wife into swinging and she was now on her 3rd AFFAIR and had left her husband. The man was heartbroken that he had lost his wife and wanted Dr Harley to tell him how to get her back.

This situation is the RULE, not the exception of what I have seen here over the years. Swinging destroys marriages.

Not to butt my nose in where it doesn't belong, but I know two couples that are swingers and both partners really enjoy it. They are very happy with their partners and love them very much, but their sexual appetites crave more and they are comfortable enough in their relationships to explore those appetites. They have told me that it makes them enjoy each other even more. Usually there are rules to the situations, like swinger parties, there are rules that must be followed and accepted by all parties. But that is just what I am told.

I don't think I could ever do that but I can see how a man or a woman might do it for their spouse just because they love them. I don't think I could even do it then...but not having a spouse or an S.O. right now...I don't know because I'm not in love.

But, nahhhhhhh....it would just feel too degrading, I think.

I do recall some people that hung out where my aunt was working...a bunch of the couples got into that and then there was a question about paternity in some cases witht the children. (My aunt never engaged in the activity but people talked there, so that's how she knew. She was a bartender, if that clears it up. Everyone tells them everything, so I've heard.)

Anyway, I think a couple of the marriages broke up over it when the spouses fell in love with the other people.

Charlotte

It is a recipe for disaster. NINETY EIGHT PERCENT of swinger marriages end up in divorce, so obviously it is not a smart strategy if one wants to remain married. Dr. Harley calls it a "perfect formula for divorce." It does not make marriages happy, it destroys them. We have had countless marriages show up here in dire straights from "swinging."


Dr Harley has some clips on this in this radio archives:

November 29, 2006 Segment: #00848 [this is the caller I listened to today - his wife left him after having 3 affairs. They have had an "open marriage" for 15, married for 22. His wife left him for one of her swinging partners]




December 18, 2006
Segment: #00776

April 27, 2007
Segment: #00465

This is the perfect recipe for DIVORCE. And that is usually what happens with swinging.

Dr. Harley on how affairs start:

"When one intimate emotional need is met outside of marriage, the others are not far behind."

ML, DM, GL,

I do not doubt that many people - or perhaps more often men - consider swinging. I also know quite well that swinging destroys marriages. I can quite well believe that since adultery is more common that not in marriages today, swinging will be common too. Also, as I stated before, I know that people have come here because they have already indulged in swinging and have lived to regret it.

I just doubt that men who read MB "consider" this practise - i.e. think that it might help their marriages and wonder how they might put the suggestion to their wives. I just doubt that there is a recipient for the original post - i.e. someone considering swinging - on this site. But since I'm in danger of distorting this thread with a pointless argument, and since it is 2.30 AM here, I'm going to bed!

Have a restful sleep and sweet dreams!!

(and I'll still betcha 50 bucks....)

Charlotte

I don't doubt that it has ruined many marriages. But I only know of two couples that have ever tried swinging. I can't speak for those that it didn't work for, only for the two that I know it does work for. And I only wish I had the intimacy that they have together. And they are from two different generations too. One couple is in their 50's and the other is in their 30's. And I have been told a lot of the things that they do for each other and a lot of the things that they have done with others. And honestly I am envious of the relationships that they have, because they love each other very much.

I'm not saying I would ever do that, I am too jealous to imagine my H with another woman, even if I am with someone else. But that's just me. Not all marriages are the same.

Yep, I agree. I would have said the same thing to and about mine: pre-A.

Charlotte

Yes, I know people who have played Russian Roulette and lived to tell the story. But that does not mean playing RR is smart strategy.

A person with any sense would avoid engaging in a practice that has NINETY EIGHT PERCENT divorce rate and is described by a leading psychologist as "a perfect recipe for DIVORCE." ..... But thats just me.

Yeah, well, I'm not going to be going on any dates with OWxH whenever I decide to start dating, that's fer dang sure!!

Charlotte