I seem to have hit a nerve and wasn't trying to. Was trying to give an idea of where I am mentally. And where I come from as well. I agree that there seems to be some hero worship toward the Harleys but I understand it. If your marriage is in the toilet and someone helps you restore it they definately deserve high praise and since I want my marriage to work I have been willing to do things that I didn't have a lot of faith in logically.
We started counseling in week 2. Rolling into the weekend, this is 6 weeks now. I came here because the approach they have to dealing with infidelity made sens the first time I saw it. Most other things I looked at didn't. And I find it helpful to say what I am thinking and what I think I am experiences and consider the comments of others and also just to come back and look at it after I've had time to about it. While I might not use the lb shortand I recognize the advice as having great merit. I sometimes question the viewpoint people hat on here of how some of these concepts should be applied. Perhaps in time I will change my own view of these things.....but I don't think you'll find me hanging out at home in a bunkbead, wearing sneakers and a blue jumpsuit, waiting for my "ride" to show up.

Anyway. I'm not sure if my situation should still be here on this subfoorum. She is doing everything she said she would do. I am the one having the struggle now. Forgiveness is a beast. anger, hurt, and fear area also tough.