I gotta admit Mel, telling your hubby that your friends on MB said to give him two stress balls,(and you could put little pictures of buns or tatas on them),

and handing them to him next time he grabs ya would be funny and might make him think twice..

It would me...

But you own guns too.. and you were looking for a pink pistol.. so..that would be even more scary..

Stress relief, huh?

BUT...he has a bigger gun than me!

Melody-It doesn't matter whose gun is BIGGER. It matters who is the better shot. HAHAHAHAHAHA

true dat!

Mel:

The old groping thread is back...

Lets go in another direction....

I believe that most of us are interested in "affection" as noted by Dr. Harley. The gentle touch, the hand holding, the hugs, etc. The things that bring us close together.

Then we have "Groping" the rough handling that crosses the line from affection to something else. Some have described it as "feeling the merchandise" because they can.

Well, that can be construed as assualt, sometimes...

My thought is to discuss "Sensory Intregation" or SI. SI is the ability of the body to process the signals about where the body is at all times, and what is happening to it from external sources.

Great Athletes have high SI, as they can make that perfect pitch, or catch, or adjustment when needed. They know where thier arms, legs and body are at all time.

The truly klutzy have little SI. They move and thier hands spread a little wider than needed, or they get there feet tangled. The brain just isn't processing where everything is as fast.

We all fall along that continuum. From the truly klutzy to the athlete. most of us are in the middle and ok.

The other side of this is that it can also make you super sensitive to anything touching your body in an unexpected manner.

If can be that certain fabrics make your skin crawl, while others have no issue with wearing them, and can't understand what is wrong with you. And anyone touching or even bumping into you, can make your brain want to react in a seemingly outsize manner to what may have happened.

My son, who has some issues with this, could never be anywhere in the line at school, but the end. If he was in the middle, the pushing and shoving could be excruiating for him. And all this extra touching could be and usually was completly unintentional.

The doctor prescribed MORE TOUCH as a way to minimize the effects. So, we would give him massages and use brush like items to reduce the sensations that he was feeling to a more manageable level.

And pressure on the skin can give some relief. My son continues to wear a heavy leather jacket, even in nice weather, becasue it allows that part of his brain to relax.

What does all this mean for groping? When you KNOW its happening, its fine to be touched. When you are not expecting it, the reaction can be more painful than the action really is.

Just a thought.

LG

What LG said made me think of my issue of "noise". I cannot stand loud TV my husband has one, his scanner noise, his music too loud.

I tell him I dont like loud things.

But then when he gets ready to drive my car, he notices that I have the radio turned up wayyyyyy loud in there!

I tried to explain that when I picked the music and the volume I am OK with it but when he picks it, I am not ok with it.

It is interesting the things we have control over and choose for ourselves VS things that others choose for us.

This makes sense. Being sensitive to touch can be a good things when the touch is good and a bad thing when the touch is unwelcome. I remember the first time I saw my son turn his socks inside out and put them on because he couldn't stand the feel of that seam along the top of the toes. I used to do the same thing! (Okay, sometimes I still do). And forget sleeping through H's snoring. Unless I am doped up, it ain't happening!

Bubbles made a point there. Its about choices other make for us. Grabbing a handfull when not invited is a direct offense especislly when its sexual in nature.

Like LG said some ppl are more physically sensitive than others and I looked at the positive side of this. If my wife was that sensitive then when I got invited then... well you get the picture.

I know LG wasn't suggesting that men should grope women till they didn't mind... or...Hmmmmm....

Groping men ===


or===

Could anything be more emasculating??

lg, I really don't understand your point here.

One spouse should not do anything that the other spouse does not like. It is that simple.

If a wife tells her H that she does not like it when, out of the blue, he grabs her breasts or other intimate body parts, he shouldn't do it. She should find a way to express this thoughtfully and with respect, and he should stop doing it, because he does not want to do things that cause her to feel repulsion from him.

This thread is not about women with overly sensitive skin, who need therapy and strategies to enable them to live with their unusual condition. This is about women who do not like men squeezing their breasts while they are washing up, or planting their hands between the wives' legs when there was no prior intimacy or foreplay. If "groping" feels like an assault to a wife, then she should communicate her feelings and the husband should, if he wants his wife to love him, stop doing it.

SC:

My point is about that some folks do have issues. Luri pointed out about socks being inside out because the seams were irritating.

For some, it more than not wanting to be handled.

Maybe explaining it THAT way may get the offending party to stop doing it.

Assault is Assault, and shouldn't be tolerated anyway. I'm trying to address the middle ground, between affection and outright assault...

LG

FWIW LG-I did see some point in what you were posting. I don't often like people touching me. It's like sensory overload. I LOVE my kiddos, but when they were younger, they would always be on top of me. They would drive cars on me. They would use me as a slide. And they would wrestle all over me(my favourite saying was, "I am not a playground."). Then my WH would grope me and I was like, "That's ENOUGH." It made me think about it a bit.

Groping sometimes feels like an assault. Sometimes, it would give me the same feeling as the feeling I would get when a stranger would touch my pregnant belly.

Thanks a lot! Now I have to go fix my socks! Just kidding!

t/j I don't like wearing socks, what does that say about ME? HAHAHA end t/j

Scottie, I appreciate that you had an issue about touch, but my point was that that kind of thing wasn't an issue for most women, and certainly was not for the woman who started this thread, MelodyLane.

If touch is an issue for you, or for someone with lg's son's condition, then that explains your dislike of touch in general, but it does not explain MelodyLane's or anybody else's, dislike of having their breasts grabbed out of the blue.

If touch is an issue for you, I would hope that you could explain this to your H and, because he cared about you and wanted you to love him, he would learn what you did not like and stop doing it. Between you, you could negotiate a way for him to approach you in a way that you did not find repellant, whether the cause was a sensitivity or not.

The same is true for anyone who does not like having her private areas grabbed. If she does not like it, she must communicate her feelings with care, and a loving husband should not persist in behaviour that upsets his wife.

I still don't see how people's sensitivity to socks or anything else makes a difference to the basic MB principle that spouses should not engage in love busters, once they know what these are.

ITA sugarcane. I wasn't disagreeing in any way with MelodyLane. I was just discovering something about myself and letting LG know that it did resonate with me somewhat and it helped a little.

Wild Indian Women..

Being touched is not an issue for me. I like being touched. I don't like being pawed like I am a blow up doll. The way I explained it was like this: "knock it off, dammit." I tend to like the direct approach.

My complaint about this is that it usually always happens when I'm busy in the kitchen. I'll be bending over the dishwasher or standing at the stove cooking and my DH will ambush me. He thinks its funny and sexy and says it's because he can't resist my... ahem... backside. I usually get quite irritated but then again I can easily get my revenge when I catch him in the bathroom about to step into the shower.

and then go turn on the dishwasher...