Well, there is an bit of an LB in there...disrespectful judgement..."my fellow Christians".

I COMPLETELY understand why you said what you did; but he was setting you up, and you fell for it. He was baiting you to come love bust so that he can feel better about what he's doing.

PLEASE, PLEASE wait for replies from us so that we can help you not LB.


I'll try to get this to make sense. What I proposed for your response would have focused on your daughter and what is best for her with a bit of stick (boundary) mixed in.

Your response was to get a jab in.

You have every right to jab and jab some more. But it hurts your true goal.

{{{{{{{{{vst}}}}}}}

I am not beating you up here. I think you have been doing an awesome job. I just want to help you get a better grip on LBs because they can destroy all your hard work.

VST, STOP IT!!!!

Stop lamenting over what type of affair it is and all the other stuff you keep wasting emotional energy on.

Your WH IS TYPICAL and this affair with END.

You have got to save ALL your emotional energy for CONSTRUCTIVE work.

Your burning up your last bit of juice on stuff that does not matter.

FOCUS!

Crap, I'm just not good at this!! I will wait next time. I normally do....Should I reply again with your suggestion and invite him to attend?

vst, my FWH's affair was a romantic one. So was MF's FWH's.

It does NOT matter if they THINK they are in love or have found their [censored] mate. What they have is NOT love and eventually they all realize it.

We just have to make sure we still LOVE THEM when they finally come out of the fog.

PLAN B.

How's that coming?

Send this? Or leave it for now?

Yes,

you ARE good at this.

You are just getting weary.

Don't reply tonight. Let's wait to hear form Mel and MF.

Don't feel pressured to immediately respond when he contacts you. Let him wait a day or so. You are living your life and are not at his beck and call.

I have an appt with my lawyer in the a.m. I need to get a memory stick to copy some files from the computer onto, I need to change a lock, figure if I can change the code on the garage door opener so his remote won't open it, get my IM prepped, figure out visitation schedule, print letter...

That's all that comes to mind right now.

Good job on the Plan B work!

Set aside any further response to his email for tonight, OK?

okey dokey. Thanks!

SMB, as nice as tst seems now, was he as big a jerk as my WH?

MUCH BIGGER!

vst, I am thinking that WHEN you respond back, which should not be tonight, you should not send the Scripture verses. I've re-read it a couple times and it is too much "educating" since he's not a Christian.

ok

Can I respond to this? "She is also too young to absorb the concept of adultery." and say "she understands the basics IT'S WRONG!

ok I'm just kidding.

Ok I'm going off for now but would like some advice on what to tell DD during Plan B.

"don't worry, she had no problem understanding the concept of adultery. They can understand right from wrong as young as 4."

A couple of pointers about the attorney. An atty's goal is to facilitate the most amicable divorce possible. Your goal is to save your marriage, so keep this in mind. An atty knows how to break up marriages, MB knows how to SAVE THEM.

So if you describe how you plan on going into Plan B and dragging this out as long as possible, and she says "oh no! not talking to him will not be good co-parenting!" you tell her that YOU are the parent and you fully intend on following Dr Harleys plan to save your marriage. You need her to help you do that.

Ask her to get it put in any custody papers that your DD is never exposed to his affair partner.

Refuse to ever go to "mediation." Mediation will make you sick because they don't take your H's alien state of mind into account. It is like negotiating with a terrorist.

And don't let her tell you "its not legal to lock him out. " my [censored]. It is not illegal anywhere to change ones own locks. Tell her if there is a problem changing the locks then she needs to solve it.

Tell her that your dads affair has been so painful to you that you can no longer speak to him until he ends his affair with the OW. Tell her she is not to let him in the house. She can still see him and talk to him whenever she chooses.

VST you're doing so well, you really are.

I agree with SMB that you need to quit fretting about romantic affairs and trying to divine the future. It's simply not possible and you'll make yourself crazy worrying about it. Easy to say, difficult to do, I know!

Instead try and focus on YOU. When you find yourself fretting about the affair and the future and WH, change your self-talk. Tell yourself how great your hair looks or what a good Mom you are or how proud you are for having learned so much about ENs and LBs. Put on some great music and dance while you vacuum or fold clothes. Sit outside and focus on nature and the glory of Spring. Take a nice long bubble bath with candles and good music playing. Go roller skating or to a playground with DD. Just get up, get out, get moving, or pamper yourself.

Aren't all affairs romantic? That is the rule rather than the exception. And 95% of affairs crumble within 2 years!

Response: "I am sorry you feel that way. The baptism is scheduled for _________, DD and I hope you can make it!".

That's all that needs to be said...do NOT try to "teach" him how or where his thinking is (most obviously) WRONG. That would be a LBer.