I think I'll add that line to my "stand-by" FU letter... with a few wording adjustments.

I whole-heartedly agree with Pep!

vst, you are doing great! You are learning and implementing AND you are doing so all while coping with a HUGE TRAUMA.

Be kind to yourself.

BTW, what you are doing to take care of youself physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

FYI my sig line was from something I wrote to a WW who was really getting on my last nerve ..

She only wants to hear from the encouragement side of the coin ... Homie don't play dat.

My sig line is NOT directed at you, my dear.

I work out almost every day (this A diet has been great, well sort of), I have friends here and my board friends to vent to and cry on shoulders, and I am a Christian so I rely on my relationship with Christ. I actually feel pretty fulfilled in those respects for the most part. I have my moments like today but I think that is just stress and pain. I have to say that if I had not found you guys, things would not be going well for me right now. When I'm not thinking about WH or the situation, I'm pretty content. Single life isn't so bad really.

Oh I know Pep. I actually saw where you wrote that two sides of the same coin thing.

Well pepulls I'm going to bed to watch some TV AND I'll be watching what I want to watch!!

Me too .... going to watch the LAKERS beat UTAH

(we scored 2 playoff tickets for tonight's game, and gave them to our son and our daughter's boyfriend ... they are soooooooooooo happy )

OMG!! I think I just hurt myself! I can't believe she said dat!!

Sounds like you are doing a good job caring for you. That can be a challenging endeavor for some BSs.

I had to be reminded to eat because I would feed the children and then would forget to feed myself. Not that I could eat much of anything. I lived on smoothies and toast for 6 months.

Oh you didn't say you were asking about nutrition.....I eat but sometimes I forget and I don't eat near as much as I used to. I've lost around 17lbs. I'm wearing a 4 and haven't done that in probably 25 years!

vst, I went from a size 4 to a 00, 115 lbs. to 95 lbs.

I know many people love the infidelity diet because they get back into sizes they enjoyed being in long ago. It was dangerous for me. I honestly believe that at months in I was close to collapse.

So, are you able to eat? You really don't want to get smaller than a 4 yanno. Are you coming out of that diet and able to eat healthily?

I spoke to our church counselor today. She is totally on board with MB concepts. They've been giving out the book HN,HN for a long time now but didn't know about MB. She's ordered SAA too. And it's good to talk to her and helps me a lot. She was going to call the OW right after I left to talk to her about having an A with my WH. I don't know what she would say to her but it's nice that my church will stand up for me.

I spoke to the OWH today as well. He is totally useless and has no backbone. He says he made her swear on a bible and sign an affadavit the she will never do this again..... That makes me sick! That she has updated her resume but they are concentrating more on working on their marriage right now. Idiot!

I'm doing way better than a few months ago. I do eat and I think I'm ok now. I can't afford to keep buying new clothes. Oh wait, my WH CAN afford to buy me new clothes!! I'm going shopping!!

This is GOOD NEWS!





You tried.

OWH's is in his own fog.

Who is my WH? An alien doesn't seem to be the right term. Posessed by a demon seems right.

I just sent and email to him about the fact that our DD has asked to be baptized. I also threw in some non LBing boundary stmts that SMB suggested. Here's the response I got:

"DD is too young to accept christ... She doesn't really understand what she is doing. She is also too young to absorb the concept of adultery."

OMG, where is my FU letter!!

I would respond with something like this...



Dear WH,

I have spoken with DD on several occasions, and it is clear to me that she loves Jesus and desires Him to be in charge of her life. She understands what sin is, and knows that it is important to repent and ask for forgiveness. Yes, her faith may be immature in comparison to some grownups, but a faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains.

Scripture is clear that the Holy Spirit should not be withheld from children.

Luke 10:21 At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

And

Luke 18:15-17 People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

However, I have not found anything in the Bible that suggests children must be of a certain age or maturity to be baptized. John baptized all who were willing.

I am proud that DD’s heart is for the Lord, and I am excited for her to take this next step in her walk with Christ.

We both hope that you will be there to share in this special day for DD. It is scheduled for ……..

Love,

Vst

See, he is no longer the spiritual leader of the family (if he ever was). Therefore, he has no say in this. You are not asking permission. You are informing him and hoping he will desire to be included in such a special event in DD’s life.

I realize that using Scripture may seem to some as “educating”, which can be a love buster. But I believe the way I presented it here, it is used to support your decision, not to educate him.

Or you could just say...

Baptism is scheduled on ___________ at _______ a.m. We hope you will share in this day with us.



Just DO NOT act as if you need to ask his permission. He has excused himself from the head of the household. You are the head honcho now.

I already replied with "Thanks for your response but I'll let my fellow Christians at church determine whether she understands, but I have no doubt that she does. It only takes faith, you don't have to be a scholar."

I don't think that was LBing......I hope not! I REALLY held myself back on that one! But I could say something else about it and also invite him to the event.

He is not a christian therefore has never been the spiritual leader.

To be honest, I'm thinking the OW got that call from church today and he knows and is pissed. That's my guess. Hence the comment about DD not understanding adultery.

I was just reading SDCWman's post on "run-of-the-mill WW" and it's scary....here are the points that I feel apply to my WH's A:

2. RAs (no matter by the H or the W) are the most destructive type of infidelity to otherwise salvageable, serviceable, and 'good' marriages. This is because the level of emotional attachment, addictive feel-good 'high', and even 'commitment' to the OP is high and the level of emotional connection to the BS has often eroded to a very low or even non-existent point. The affair-relationships between the WS and the OP are the hardest to break.

9. The LARGE majority (>80%) of the infidelity discussed by heartbroken BSs here on MB (and the OVERWHELMING majority of those presented by the BH), are ROMANTIC AFFAIRS. The WS is convinced that they "have fallen out of love with their S and into love with the OP -- and that the OP is their 'true' soulmate and partner". They just "can't help how they feel" and are addicted to the high of being 'in love'...no matter how grave the sacrifices or long-term consequences.

10. Unless the RA is caught and Plan A/B'd early, it is very uncommon for either a WH or a WW to voluntarily (TRULY) leave their OP. A RA (esp. one that isn't discovered until it is in full-bloom) usually does not end until the OP dumps the WS OR the RA burns out naturally on its own when there is little/nothing left to sacrifice to it.


This is hard to read because my hope is slowly dying daily anyway but I feel strongly that these will be a HUGE obsticle to even getting close to recovery.....

Their A had a lot of time to get into full bloom...