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I did see my lawyer today and he is going to draw up the papers for the D. I'm wondering now if maybe I should put the ball back in his court and say if you want a D then file for one. I can still go Plan B and I really believe he won't pull any financial crap on me. I'm waivering a little on filing now...
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Why are you waivering?
What are the pros and cons in your state between you filing and letting him file???
If there are serious pros to you filing, then don't wait and do it ASAP. If it doesn't matter, then going to Plan B first is an option...
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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I never asked what would happen if he filed first but I assume I could counter with my grounds. I was going to file just to protect myself financially but I think that will be fine. My lawyer is going to call me so I'll ask him about that.
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When you ask your lawyer if there's any advantage in your state to filing first, also ask if your state has legal separation agreements. Some states have those and they set up financial arrangements and visitation, but the couple stays married. LSAs can be good for protecting you while avoiding the big D.
And that blow up? He's just mad because his fantasy affair isn't all rainbows and sparkles any more. He's mad because when he looks in the mirror he doesn't like what he sees. His affair was all peachy and soulmates when nobody knew about it but now that folks know and look at him "like that" well, it's not so fun any more!
You should be celebrating his blow up!
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When you ask your lawyer if there's any advantage in your state to filing first, also ask if your state has legal separation agreements. Some states have those and they set up financial arrangements and visitation, but the couple stays married. LSAs can be good for protecting you while avoiding the big D.
And that blow up? He's just mad because his fantasy affair isn't all rainbows and sparkles any more. He's mad because when he looks in the mirror he doesn't like what he sees. His affair was all peachy and soulmates when nobody knew about it but now that folks know and look at him "like that" well, it's not so fun any more!
You should be celebrating his blow up! Can't do an LSA if I will eventually file on grounds of A. Oh and I found out that she used to go into his office and they closed the door. Lots of people were suspecious...
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You need something filed so that your visitation schedule is in writing.
Too many WS's want to visit the children whenever they feel like it...you know, when it convenient for THEM...and they disregard YOUR schedule.
The last minute calls to come by and see DD.
The last minute text hey I'm in the area and wanted to stop by.
The why can't I just keep DD overnight tomorrow night.
It all needs spelled out with legal backup.
THAT is why I think you need to file some type of document.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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I honestly don't see how recovery is possible! He said he doesn't love me now and hasn't loved me in eleven years! He is DONE. How do things turn around from that? I'm not seeing it now.... As much as I hate repeating it, here's some of the babble tst spouted off to me. I haven't loved you like a wife for 13 years and am just biding my time until the kids are grown.
No matter what I do, my heart is just not in this marriage anymore.
As for a mother, I couldn't find a better one than you for my kids; but as a wife, you were pretty sh!tty.
I just don't love you anymore.There's a lot more, but that should show you what fog can do to a man.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Now would be a perfect time for Plan B.
I like the idea of your church friend who's familiar with HNHN.
Why not contact her and give her info on MB Plans and ask her if she could do this for you?
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Well everybody today has NOT been a good day. Things have blown up again, someone said something to him again regarding the A and he lost it. He is so pissed that I exposed and pissed doesn't come close to describing it. I've pushed him away he says.
He called me and went off on me. I'm sorry I did LB some but not near as much as I could have. He has now said that due to my actions and his mistakes, he no longer has any interest in continuing this marriage. He's just having a tantrum because someone reminded him today that what he is doing is U G L Y! That's the whole point of exposure. The affair is in the light of day now, and he can't pretend it's pretty. Here's what I think you need to get done this week... File for D. Go into Plan B. Tell lawyer to depose OW ASAP. You are LBing and are going to crack under this continued abuse. It's completely understandable considering how long you have been dealing with this. You NEED Plan B so that you can begin to heal emotionally. Your daughter needs you to be as emotionally healthy as possible.
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Check with your lawyer about this first.
In Texas, if you are the petitioner, you can do a notice of nonsuit at the very last minute, basically dismissing the case, even if he's filed an answer and WH would have to pay to refile. This is what I did. My DH never refiled obviously.
However, if he countersues, then you wouldn't be able to do that.
Last edited by princessmeggy; 04/29/09 01:49 PM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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The reason you need to file for D is that he has no intention of quitting this job and finding another one yet! You CANNOT recover a marriage with a man that is working in the same office as the OW.
Filing for D will protect you legally and allow you to depose OW and sue OW as well! Did you discuss filing suit for alienation of affection against the OW with your attorney today? You need to keep up the pressure! You are going to be OK. But you cannot second guess what you are doing.
BTW, I acted the same way and said the same things as your WH.
Stop Listening To His Wayward Crap!
Last edited by tst; 04/29/09 02:01 PM. Reason: rephrased
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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his fantasy affair isn't all rainbows and sparkles any more  soooooooooooooooooo true a wayNerDs anger means you are doing the right thing !!!
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Well everybody today has NOT been a good day. Things have blown up again, someone said something to him again regarding the A and he lost it. He is so pissed that I exposed and pissed doesn't come close to describing it. I've pushed him away he says.
He called me and went off on me. I'm sorry I did LB some but not near as much as I could have. He has now said that due to my actions and his mistakes, he no longer has any interest in continuing this marriage. I said the same kind of crap over and over! Blame, Blame, Blame, it's a waywards mantra. It must be excruciatingly painful to hear, but You MUST ignore him. Just say in your head Blah, Blah, Blah, whenever he goes off on you. Saying a prayer for you and DD.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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When it comes to wayward babble, think of the grownups on the Charlie Brown shows...
wahwah wahwah wahwah
That's all you should hear because his words are meaningless.
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The reason you need to file for D is that he has no intention of quitting this job and finding another one yet! You CANNOT recover a marriage with a man that is working in the same office as the OW.
Filing for D will protect you legally and allow you to depose OW and sue OW as well! Did you discuss filing suit for alienation of affection against the OW with your attorney today? You need to keep up the pressure! You are going to be OK. But you cannot second guess what you are doing.
BTW, I acted the same way and said the same things as your WH.
Stop Listening To His Wayward Crap! What the plans are is to serve him with D papers but then stall - no temp hearing or anything. I can't sue her for AAOA here. I'm still talking to my lawyer about deposing her.
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I just found out that my WH had pics her OW kids in his office. They called him their 2nd dad....sick! I don't know if they know. I doubt that they were told.
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The reason you need to file for D is that he has no intention of quitting this job and finding another one yet! You CANNOT recover a marriage with a man that is working in the same office as the OW. You are right about this for sure. He is not going to leave and nobody is forcing her to.
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Check with your lawyer about this first.
In Texas, if you are the petitioner, you can do a notice of nonsuit at the very last minute, basically dismissing the case, even if he's filed an answer and WH would have to pay to refile. This is what I did. My DH never refiled obviously.
However, if he countersues, then you wouldn't be able to do that. Yes even if I file, I can drop it if I want.
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ONLY if you file can you do that. If he files first, you can't, it's his suit.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I just found out that my WH had pics her OW kids in his office. They called him their 2nd dad....sick! I don't know if they know. I doubt that they were told. I would somehow make sure OWH knows that your WH had pics of HIS kids. How did you find this info out?
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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