RMX reminded me that I have not mentioned this on the forum.

The great Tuscan adventure has ended for my xWW. She is back in Virginia but has not contacted me or Sam or new grand baby. Her mother says that she is going to get a job. She says xWW is unhappy about "the situation with Sam" (i.e. he hates her). I was unable to be sympathetic but I was not harsh or anything.

I thought I would feel a tug at my heart when I knew she was back, but I really just hope she stays away from us.

Oh,

I forgot to say this, probably because I want to avoid 2x4's.

I did remind xMIL that xWW is not allowed to contact the minor children without my permission or getting court permission.

6:

Its ON.

Soon, the ExWW will want to barg back in to your life.

Please let us know what happens.

Hope the grandson is doing ok. Has he been introduced to his grandmother yet? What is the answer to that? What if she just shows up?

How are you doing? Anything developing with your gym friend?

LG

6,
I'm glad that you are in such a good place.... I hope she stays away too, but I wouldn't count on it
JoJo

Hi 6,

Well, life is about to become "interesting". But, I think that your exW is going to begin to see what she has cost herself. You really won't have to help her see it. Your children will do that all by themselves, whether they allow her into their lives or not. She lost and will lose big time because they all know she left them for her own adventures.

God Bless,

JL

I don't recall... is there a court order to that effect? If so, no 2x4 from me! On the contrary, I'd kick your virtual butt if you *didn't* adhere to the order.

It's probably a good idea to start playing "What if?" and figuring out what you'll do...
IF she shows up on the doorstep wanting to take the kids for ice cream
IF she shows up at school during the day trying to get them out
IF she asks the kids (instead of you) can she come visit

You get the idea.
Glad your heart strings weren't tugged.

Hi, LG,

I will be sure to let you know when anything develops.

The xInLaws are with Sam helping with the new baby. The baby is doing great, he is such a sweet baby. He loves everyone and just snuggles in when anyone holds him. xWW will not show up at Sam's apartment because it is far away and xMIL is not the type to really make Sam mad. As I said, he hates his mom and says she will never even see his baby.

I'm doing well. Still casual with the gym friend, completely hidden from the children but my parents know about her. I'm still not ready for anything more than our current relationship.
I am doing great, somehow a couple of weeks just taking care of the new baby and spending time with Sam has charged me up. I still find myself just smiling for no particular reason.

Hi Turtle,

The current arrangement is court ordered. I made sure to get everything under my absolute control while xWW was playing in Italy. My xInLaws know about the order I just wanted to be sure that it was communicated to xWW. I'm going to have it served to her just to be sure.

The school knows about the situation. She could always email or phone the children but that would not go well for her if I found out. She needs to have a plan of repair with them before I will allow any contact. They are doing really well now and I want to keep it that way.

Were her rights terminated? I can't see a Judge doing that unless and until permanent abandonment can be proven (not just a trip). What are her visitation rights?

She has parental rights but needs to present a plan to either my approval or to the judge. The kids counselor provided us with the expert support for the order.

She can certainly meet with the court and get a visitation schedule, it will just take some planning on her part.

Cool, then you definitely need to serve her with the order-- or did she have an attorney who represented her in the divorce? Service on him would be sufficient.

6:

I presume that the Grandson is at Sam's apartment. But that the XinLaws are helping with the care?

That seems like a recipe for TuscanGold to show up to "visit" And grandbaby isn't part of the order....

LG

LOL, makes me think country:

Here's A Quarter
Travis Tritt

You say you were wrong to ever leave me alone
And now you’re sorry you’re lonesome and scared
And you say you’d be happy if you could come back home
Well, here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.

Call someone who listens and might give a damn
Maybe one of your sordid affairs
But don’t you come around here handing me none of your lines
Here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.

Well. I thought what we had could never turn bad
So your leaving caught me unaware
But the fact is you’re wrong and that can’t be undone
So here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.

Call someone who listens and might give a damn
Maybe one of your sordid affairs
But don’t you come around here handing me none of your lines
And here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.

Yeah, here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.

They are with Sam. Boy would it hit the fan if she showed up. They will not do that.

That is funny. I am going to download that song today.

I shouldn't...

"Hatred" -Tonio K

"Now I know it's not unusual
There's nothin' so unique
There's probably hundreds of wonderful love affairs
That go bad in this town every week
(It's a big town)
But all of them others
Them sad-hearted lovers
Could cry in their beer what the hey
It didn't concern me
Was none of my business
I never had nothin' to say
But suddenly darlin'
The table has turned
You have left me for somebody new
And now it's hard
To express the resentment I feel
For the years that I wasted on you

But let me kinda put this another way
Okay?

Eins, Zwei, Drei, Vier!

I'm so full of
H-a-t-r-e-d
I'm bitter I'm malign
You got me
P-i-s-s-e-d Off
I'm angry most of the time
Why don't you
G-o-t-o-h-e-double "l"
You tramp, you philandering b*
I'm going to
K-i-l-l
One of us baby give me time and I'll decide on which

Now wait a minute
I know I'm acting immature
I'm acting like a child
I should display some self-control
Instead of going wild like this
And I wish I could accept all this
And simply live
Which includes pain
And act upon the actual fact
That nobody's to blame
Yes I wish I was as mellow
As for instance Jackson Browne
But "fountains of sorrow" my a* m* f*
I hope you wind up in the ground

I'm so full of
H-a-t-r-e-d
I'm bitter I'm malign
You got me
P-i-s-s-e-d Off
I'm angry most of the time
Why don't you
G-o-t-o-h-e-double "l"
You tramp, you philandering b*
I'm going to
K-i-l-l one of us baby
When I'm sober I'll figure out which

H-A-T-R-E-D
What's that spell? (3 times)

(But then again maybe with the proper counseling
We can work this out)"

This one is good too:

My Give A Damn Is Busted
Jo Dee Messina

Well, you filled up my head with so many lies.
You twisted my heart till somethin' snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try,
But my give-a-damn's busted.

You can crawl back home, say you were wrong;
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long.
Well, go ahead and water the lawn:
My give-a-damn's busted.

I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:.
No, sorry: nothin'.

You can say you've got issues, you can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents fault,I mean after all you didn't pick 'em.
Maybe somebody else has got time to listen:
My give-a-damn's busted.

Well, your therapist says it was all a mistake:
A product of the Prozac and your co-dependent ways.
So who's your enabler these days?
My give-a-damn's busted.

I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:.
No, still nothin'.

It's a desperate situation, no tellin' what you'll do.
If I don't forgive you, you say your life is through.
C'mon, gimme somethin' I can use:
My give-a-damn's busted.

Well, I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:
No, Man sorry.
Just nothin', you know.
You've really done it this time, ha, ha.
My give-a-damn's busted.


Back on my head...

Is there any chance for her to redeem herself for the whole family? Anything she can do? If she does come back remorseful? Is it over for sure, not one shred of love left? Just curious..DUDE

6,
I agree with Turtle. You know your xWW - ask yourself how far will she go - what will she do next? You need to be prepared for whatever comes your way and more importantly you need to understand where your boundaries are when the situation arrives. What will you do if you and the kids bump into her at a store? I think it's great you have it in writing about her having a plan if she wants to deal with children. I'm sure if your xWW is living with mom she's already seen picture of baby. Now I have to say this because I'm a mom and I'm sympathetic and feel some people to not remain the same (and you said your xWW was not wicked). I don't think it's healthy for Sam to "hate" his mom and to totally avoid her. I'm not saying he should approach her but should she want to see him and she has a plan that is acceptable to you, I would encourage Sam to meet with her. He needs to deal with her because if he doesn't there will always be future situations that will bring up resentment, anger, disappointment. My father was a SOB growing up but my kids don't know that man - they know a kind loving grandfather. Don't let your kids exile your xWW for life - she may surprise your kids one day and what ashame it would be if she is not given the opportunity. She's not your wife anymore but she will always be their mom. Okay - now I'm off my soapbox.

BTW: I'm Italian and did not like the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun."

There is no plan. The children will hate her. There is no massaging this. She will now reap what she has sown. The letters of her disdain for her own children and the contempt she had for them will heap bad karma on her for the rest of her life. And as sad as this will be. She will never be more then a poor relation to them. You cannot make up for what she has done. The best you could hope for is what Sam manages. Politeness with out familiarity. Another thing to think about. Do you not think that at some point she will blame 6yearsleft to one of the children and they will go frigging ballistic on her. 6years will invite her to holidays. She will come, but only as an outsider. conversation will be strained, dinner will be silent. There may be hugs, but they will be short. In essence, the family will wait till she leaves to start the party.