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SMB, as nice as tst seems now, was he as big a jerk as my WH? MUCH BIGGER! So was mine!! He reads here but no longer posts...I wish very much that he would so that you can truly see the difference...it's amazing. And the concept of the "alien" becomes crystal clear!
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Ok I'm going off for now but would like some advice on what to tell DD during Plan B. Tell her that your dads affair has been so painful to you that you can no longer speak to him until he ends his affair with the OW. Tell her she is not to let him in the house. She can still see him and talk to him whenever she chooses. This is exactly what I told my children (Mel helped me with this, I was a mess and needed explicit instructions!) and they completely understood. Also knowing how much I was hurting was very important...they knew I was a mess and not myself and this helped them to understand WHY and give me a lot more mercy. I really needed that from them...it took me a good few weeks after going into Plan B to get my head together.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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MF, the whole situation was so distressing to your family, do you think your kids were RELIEVED when you told them this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MF, the whole situation was so distressing to your family, do you think your kids were RELIEVED when you told them this? I don't think they were relieved to hear that their daddy had a girlfriend, but they WERE relieved to hear that I was trying very, very hard to save our M and that that was the REASON why I could not see him anymore...because I still loved him and couldn't see him because it was hurting me too badly. So yes, they were relieved to hear that I still loved him and was working very hard to save our M.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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Well everybody today has NOT been a good day. Things have blown up again, someone said something to him again regarding the A and he lost it. He is so pissed that I exposed and pissed doesn't come close to describing it. I've pushed him away he says.
He called me and went off on me. I'm sorry I did LB some but not near as much as I could have. He has now said that due to my actions and his mistakes, he no longer has any interest in continuing this marriage.
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"blah blah blah" ... typical wayNerD blather
He's not pissed he's been a lying cheating [censored]???
Last edited by Pepperband; 04/29/09 11:57 AM.
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I honestly don't see how recovery is possible! He said he doesn't love me now and hasn't loved me in eleven years! He is DONE. How do things turn around from that? I'm not seeing it now....
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This is some of what he told that person:
"Just so you know, and despite your good intentions… Your email pushed me over the edge… I was already pissed that vst told everyone I know, including my frail sick old and easily upset mother, but also my 9-year old daughter who is far too young to understand such an adult theme. Now, more people getting involved in my personal business has pushed me to the point of throwing in the towel. I told her that would be the result and she did not listen. While my actions have been inexcusable, this public “outing’ of my personal business has ruined any chance of my marriage being put back together. I don’t react well to mass interventions… I have to work through my own problems, and when I feel that I need help figuring something out, I will certainly ask for that help."
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VST, honestly... they ALL say things like that. My DH SCREAMED at me that he had NEVER loved me and didn't know why he EVER married me. This was after 25 years of marriage and four kids.
Today, we have been married 32 years and are happily recovered.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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While my actions have been inexcusable This is the only thing he said that was honest.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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He actually said I was the reason he had the A.....I know it's not true but it still hurts. He just keeps saying how the A isn't the problem, it's our stinkin marriage.
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Oh and my IM is now afraid to do it. Her husband doesn't want her to. He thinks my WH could possibly be dangerous if pushed too far. Can't say that I blame her.....I don't have anyone else.
Last edited by verysadtime; 04/29/09 12:12 PM.
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Listen I don't see how I will ever trust this person for whom this is not his first rodeo.
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They all say this...don't respond anymore and don't answer his phone calls or respond to emails for a few days.
This will give YOU the time to calm down so there won't be anymore LBing, and it will give HIM time to think that he really may have blown it this time.
Ignore him for a few days and let HIM freak out, ok???
I strongly believe this is important right now.
Can you think of another IM? You REALLY REALLY REALLY need to go to Plan B.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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vst,
I have been following your thread and the thing that is screaming out to me is that, for as much as your WH says he through and its over, etc., etc., HE hasn't filed for D. If there was any truth behind his words, he would have done so already. I agree with Married Forever that you go silent for a few days - scare HIM into thinking you've written him off.
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They all say this...don't respond anymore and don't answer his phone calls or respond to emails for a few days.
This will give YOU the time to calm down so there won't be anymore LBing, and it will give HIM time to think that he really may have blown it this time.
Ignore him for a few days and let HIM freak out, ok???
I strongly believe this is important right now.
Can you think of another IM? You REALLY REALLY REALLY need to go to Plan B. I won't have contact for a while. I won't answer IF he calls or email. I'm really stuggling to come up with another IM. She was really the best bet but I totally understand her fear. I'm thinkin...
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vst,
I have been following your thread and the thing that is screaming out to me is that, for as much as your WH says he through and its over, etc., etc., HE hasn't filed for D. If there was any truth behind his words, he would have done so already. I agree with Married Forever that you go silent for a few days - scare HIM into thinking you've written him off. Thanks BB, That could very well be true. Maybe one reason he hasn't filed is he has no grounds and KNOWS that I do. So I would just counter it anyway. I don't know....
Last edited by verysadtime; 04/29/09 12:49 PM.
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Oh and he did tell me to go see a lawyer.....he didn't know I had just walked out my lawyer's office
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Maybe the pastor's wife would do it...you said she is familiar with MB and HNHN, right? And that she is going to call the OW?
Maybe you could send her an article from here on Plan B so that she understands what it's for a WHY...???
Not sure how close you are with her, just a thought...
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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Oh and he did tell me to go see a lawyer.....he didn't know I had just walked out my lawyer's office This might not be very Plan A, but I woulda said "I already did, thanks for the advice!". He needs to be aware that YOU might be done and that all of these decisions are not his alone. His head is still up his *ss and until that cranial-rectal extraction is performed, he thinks his sh*t don't stink and it's ok for you to reverse babble him and let him know that he ain't all that...that you have choices too. I, too, spoke to a lawyer...you MUST protect yourself. If he mentions this again, let him know you have a lawyer.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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