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[
My lawyer is getting the papers ready and he should be served first part of next week. I still don't have an IM. The one I had lined up has been told "absolutely not" by her husband. He is afraid of WH's anger. I asked another ify option I had and she declined. I have no other options. I've thunk and thunk about it and come up empty handed. Here are some options I can think of. Have your attorney operate as an IM but I can already see the problems with that. Or perhaps some of here could do this as a TEAM via one email address. [he would not know this is a team, though] And here is how that could work. Tell him that all communication needs to go through your "marriage coach, Sally, WHO IS A NEUTRAL PARTY," at sallywhosit@gmail.com. She will pass on all pertinent information regarding finances and child visitation to me. His response will be to refuse to use the IM and to make threats, etc. But usually when the WS sees he ain't getting through any other way, he does relent. vst, if I thought you could get away with not having an IM, I would say so. BUT I KNOW YOU CAN'T. He will put you through a holy hell you have never imagined after you ask him to not contact you. He will go out of his way to prove to you he is in control and will keep you in constant turmoil. I know his type and it is not pretty. Ok MF has volunteered for which I am thankful. It think the team effort would be good too because he will go balistic if he doesn't get a quick enough response. Oh right, but who cares?  Is there someone who would be willing to go in with MF and do what Mel has suggested? Thanks Mel!
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You have mail. 
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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vst, tst and I are willing to help MF out. The mods have my email.
Email the mods and ask for it.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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vst, tst and I are willing to help MF out. The mods have my email.
Email the mods and ask for it. smb & tst, thank you so much. I feel so blessed to have all you guys on my team. Go team vst! 
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I sincerely appreciate all of you here. I just want you all to know that. I know that I would be in a very bad place right now if not for all of you. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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I sincerely appreciate all of you here. I just want you all to know that. I know that I would be in a very bad place right now if not for all of you. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. oh boy, this is a great trio, vst. MF has been through Plan B and all 3 of them, tst, SMB and MF, take no crap offa no one! They will do good navigating his fury. And I know they will do it with grace! HOWEVER, it is critical that you do not throw them under the bus, vst. As long as you stand behind what you said and STICK TO YOUR WORD, they won't be undermined. But if you undermine them by letting him get through, they are finished and your credibility is finished. You won't be able to go back and do it over with any credibility. He will know you aren't serious and aren't strong enough to withstand his pressure. We had one situation on this board where the WW barged in on the unsuspecting BS and said his IM was not giving him critical information [a bunch of crap] and that she didn't "trust" the IM. Rather than defending Plan B as his own, he threw his IM under the bus and told her email him directly. She had him right by the nads and he allowed it. Please don't do that to them, vst. Help them protect you by staying dark. This group will be PROS at negotiating a safe reconciliation too. You have the best of the best in that regard. They have been coached by the Harleys, have all been to a MB weekends and know what they are doing. God is looking out for you here, vst.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I sincerely appreciate all of you here. I just want you all to know that. I know that I would be in a very bad place right now if not for all of you. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. oh boy, this is a great trio, vst. MF has been through Plan B and all 3 of them, tst, SMB and MF, take no crap offa no one! They will do good navigating his fury. And I know they will do it with grace! HOWEVER, it is critical that you do not throw them under the bus, vst. As long as you stand behind what you said and STICK TO YOUR WORD, they won't be undermined. But if you undermine them by letting him get through, they are finished and your credibility is finished. You won't be able to go back and do it over with any credibility. He will know you aren't serious and aren't strong enough to withstand his pressure. We had one situation on this board where the WW barged in on the unsuspecting BS and said his IM was not giving him critical information [a bunch of crap] and that she didn't "trust" the IM. Rather than defending Plan B as his own, he threw his IM under the bus and told her email him directly. She had him right by the nads and he allowed it. Please don't do that to them, vst. Help them protect you by staying dark. This group will be PROS at negotiating a safe reconciliation too. You have the best of the best in that regard. They have been coached by the Harleys, have all been to a MB weekends and know what they are doing. God is looking out for you here, vst. Thank you Mel. I know I have the best team and I promise I will do this right. I won't let him manipulate me or scare me anymore! After yesterday's crap, I am done. I wish I were ready for PB tomorrow. I won't let any of you down! Or me!
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One thing is I will have a restraining order with the D papers. I guess that will be good.
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Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Does the RO automatically come when you file? Or is that an option?
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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Does the RO automatically come when you file? Or is that an option? If I'm remembering correctly, it is automatic.
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Does the RO automatically come when you file? Or is that an option? If I'm remembering correctly, it is automatic. Wow, really??? I'm surprise. Can you check into that and let us know for sure? If so, then this will be MUCH easier...you will be much more protected from his INSANITY! And then your "vst Team" will protect you the rest of the way. 
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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Does the RO automatically come when you file? Or is that an option? If I'm remembering correctly, it is automatic. Wow, really??? I'm surprise. Can you check into that and let us know for sure? If so, then this will be MUCH easier...you will be much more protected from his INSANITY! And then your "vst Team" will protect you the rest of the way. ok I'll make sure.
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Something that has happened a couple of times in the last few days....people are starting to find out that WH and I are separated so I'm getting calls from people I've never been close to AT ALL saying, "if you need to talk, I'm a good listner." Please, why don't you just ask me what the problem is?? Well, don't 'cause I won't tell your nosey [censored]! te he!
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I got LOTS of calls like this too...and emails from "friends" of OWs and FWHs from the message board where they met (and where I exposed to). Some of them were nosey but most were genuinely trying to help, they knew I was a mess.
I mostly just asked people to pray for us...that is really the best thing they could do.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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I'm thinking about the visitation schedule. Because he's living on the boat, having her stay with him the entire weekend is really not fair to her. It's very confining and she really doesn't like it all that much. So I was thinking about one night every weekend probably Friday through Saturday at maybe 5:00. Then once during the week. It makes me sad 'cause she loves being at home on weekends to play with the neighborhood kids....
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vst, I think WS needs to play parent for the entire weekend.
I know it's hard to let DD go to a not-so-perfect environment and it's unfair to you that you have to be without her for an entire weekend.
If DD is unhappy with the arrangements, she can let her dear daddy know about it.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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vst, I think WS needs to play parent for the entire weekend.
I know it's hard to let DD go to a not-so-perfect environment and it's unfair to you that you have to be without her for an entire weekend.
If DD is unhappy with the arrangements, she can let her dear daddy know about it. sniff sniff....  wahh!!
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