where have you been? I've been missing you! Get back to giving us updates!!!!

I am not sure that I agree with formal 1:1 mentoring for new hurting folks. It places a high burden on the mentor.

Newly hurting folks are DESPERATE for direction, not advice. They want certain direction, not information. There is a great temptation to deliver opinion, however well informed it may be, as if it were FACT in a very certain manner because our mentee is so very desperate to be comforted by that certainty.

I have run a MB program through my church for the last 18 months and it has been very successful, yet whenever I have to reach beyond the MB concepts that I am very familiar with, I ALWAYS discuss the situations with the many wise and battle-scarred MB veteran warriors that I am privileged to know. Even Dr Harley himself has generously helped this untrained volunteer in running my little MB service.

Even then with their sage advice I do not have years of psychology training and the experience of helping many hundreds of folks through this mess like the Harleys do.

I think that relationships will naturally build between certain new posters and certain advisers, and that is great as long as the advisers continue to take advice from folks who have more experience and / or knowledge in the particular disciplines they need to deal with.

Regarding the issue of "censorship" when I first arrived here almost 5 years ago I was a sorry , suicidal mess. I received advice that saved my life and my marriage.

I also received strident advice :
1) Not to expose
2) To divorce immediately
3) To not plan "A" ( too manipulative)
4) To not contact OM ( too threatening)

and more, all of which was unhelpful rubbish, but was delivered with assured confidence by the advisors.

I consider this site to be like a medical site - because actual lives are at stake. I have "held hands" with suicidal folks online and on the phone while we try to get enough info from them o get intervention help. It is THAT serious.

The MarrigeBuilders plans have been proven to save tens of thousands of marriages from horrendous beginnings. They are ALWAYS appropriate to offer to a person in marriage trouble however emotional and suicidal they may be.

Our own personal advice that conflicts with this , if it is not supported by diligent study and many years of experience can NOT be considered of equal value and applicability.

If a person advised a tylenol for chest and arm pain with breathlessness would it be considered to be "censorship" to shut up such advisors and get the patient to get to hospital ?

Differing opinions are great to hear, especially when delivered respectfully, but in such serious circumstances they cannot be considered of equal consideration.

Just IMO.

Awwwwwwwww.............

Doing homework, mostly. You know Shiny will have my head if I don't keep up with my studies. No time for play!!

Charlotte

Thank you Bob Pure.

DiTTo ... from a newbie!

DITTO

Great post, my good friend BobPure.

Bob_Pure

I wish you were around here more often! I have read much of what you have written here over the last few months. Thank you.

When this thread came up I thought it was a great idea. I still don't think it is terrible, people will do this even without a more formal "mentoring" set up. Your points are very well taken. I would have talked to anyone about my woes since I really had no one to talk to. Now, after reading all the responses here I see that my original thoughts about this being positive came directly from an emotional response. Every time I read a new situation it hurts me because all those feelings come rushing back. I want to help them but it would be terrible newbie help and staying away from JMO's would be difficult feeling as unstable as I do still. From a more intellectual place I can see exactly what you are saying and I do believe that is the right way to think about it. Emotion is expected and needed but the plans, the direction must come from the MB concepts. I was led away from my emotional responses after everyone let me vent a bit. That was hard, I did not want to leave that and work on something I did not break but when I did I started to get better.

Thank you for this. I could not agree more with everything you have posted.