At the very least, WH has weak boundaries when it comes to a married man. This needs to be fixed.


This is a bad idea, Mel explained why the two of you should spend as much time together as possible. It should actually be at least 15hrs./week.

Leapfroggy, why not start at the beginning, reread your thread will all the directions to the plan. And then read it again so that you absorb it all.
Print off the advice, and check each piece off as you understand it and apply it.
Then come back with any questions, and to vent.


My smile has found it's way back .... slow but sure. Yours will too in time.

Get reading!

Hon, wake up!
An incorrect location, maybe - but gee what a coincidence that the incorrect location is OWs house!

The fact that you didn't see his truck just means they're really good at hiding. That's ALL it means. His cellphone was probably on her bedside table.

Exactly what I was going to say.

DO NOT let him move out! Waywards always say that they 'need space' - yeah, so they have more space to boff the OW, without you watching him like a hawk.

Please do not be gullible. Hire the PI, if you want to save your marriage.

Ummm, it's not broken. He parked a few blocks away and she picked him up, and her phone is on his bedside table...

I don't know what her neighborhood is like, but I'd say you should park a block away so he won't see you, and then take pics as he's leaving her house, and BOOM there's big proof for all for a MEGA EXPOSURE. Who was it around here who had a NUCLEAR exposure? He hasn't called her because he probably has another phone you don't know about, perhaps a pre-paid phone? Or maybe he uses others phones. I'd search his things and find that other phone and note the number for use in your nuclear exposure. Seriously, this is hard to believe, but you MUST BLOWWWWW IT APART. WIIIIIIDE OPENNN! Immediate tidalwave of truth. Get the pics of him leaving her house, and then go to his hang outs and hand it out with a note "Marcella privately enertaining my husband, with whom she's "just a friend."

Do you know which company her husband drives for? If so, call their corporate office, and tell them you need to get in contact with him URGENTLY. Then, schedule a meeting, wherein you can give him the photos. Then, lead her BS here and help him learn how to snoop, because guess what, you are alies! He can help you. He can also help you expand and expound upon your exposure. Spare NO ONE. I exposed H's (though slightly different) misdeeds to his own Mama even. Sure, he will be pissed, it's part of his path back to you. The more people who are watching for it, the less likely he is to continue it. Affairs and misdeeds are of the dark and vile corners, hidden and nasty. Open that puppy up like you are lancing a great big puss-infused boil of adultery. Sure, the lancing aggravates initially, but what have you got to lose? You'll never exise the ingection without lancing the boil. She's got him in her tentacles right now, such that he is even talking about leaving/staying with others? What have you got to lose??? Stand tall, proud and firm. Righteous indignation. Calm, cool, collected. No name calling, just matter of fact. When he gets pissy, be point blank--- "If it's not something you can be proud enough to share, don't do it. I love you and I want you back, and I'm trying to help you back toward the happy life we've had together." Calm, cool, collected.

Does he have access to any other computers? Does he have an email account?

Like I said, he HAS called, you just can't see it with the data you are able to access now. Prepaid or borrowed, he's got a way to call her without you knowing. That's why you go NUCLEAR EXPOSURE so that you don't just push them further underground (like what happened recently, that made his truck not be in her driveway.) You wanna go NUKE on it. After you get pics, you might even go over there when he is over there (GPS verified) and call his cell from her driveway, then when he tells you a false locale, you can say COME OUTSIDE, I HEARD YOUR PHONE RING! HA! Nuclear.

Bad, bad, bad. Seperations are a LAST resort. As I say, "How can we work on US, if we're not an US?" You need to FULLY go Plan A, and then if seperation ends up necessary/occuring, he'll have to live with the good memories and that can draw him back home. Go FULL Plan A, and let US meet your EN's as best we can while he's being a dumb [censored], and hopefully he'll come around. Now, however, he has 2 meeting his needs. You need to knock her out of the game, leaving only you, and work the program to make yourself the most awesome spouse you can be.

AMEN, Sister, AMEN. But even the L-rd makes us work for things, so work it, girl!

(((hugs)))

You guys are so right about everything, as usual!

I found a place on the 'net where I can rent a gps for $180 for two weeks. I think I'm gonna do that, since I'm not sure I can trust Verizon. At least it will verify if V is correct in the locations it reports.

I also know you're right about him leaving. He did say last night that he had decided not to go to his friend's house. He might sleep in another bedroom instead. When I asked what that would accomplish, he said it was the lesser of two evils. He's unable to explain the evils to me though. He said he had gotten used to sleeping alone and why did I change my mind? I said that I liked sleeping in the same bed with him, but his radio playing for hours bothered me. He has known that, but didn't care. (He's finally turned down the volume.)

I said that I never should have stayed at the bar with him on Sunday, that I knew he didn't want me there. He said he didn't mind, and I kind of lost it and said that was BS. I will apologize for that.

I also told him that I was never going to go see him anywhere, unless he specifically invited me. He reminded me that I had said that two months ago. I agreed, and said that I was going to stick to that.

He keeps staying that he has gotten used to being alone and likes it that way. I said yes, except when you're with Marcella, Barbara, Rina or Valle. (The last 3 names are gay.) He said that was his choice on those occasions, but not all the time.

I told him again that I wanted to find a way for us to be back together, when we're together.

I also told him that I wanted my husband and our marriage back. And that being his wife was one of the proudest things in my life. Then we went to sleep.

I'm going to go work on my Plan A. Thanks for being here for me!
((((hugs)))

Do I just keep on with my attempts to meet his ENs, and hope to get past his Taker that way? He often seems more receptive to me...

Meet his ENs until you have the evidence you need to expose.

Then expose to EVERYONE who knows him AND her, all at once, on the same day, in the same hour, if possible. If you have pictures (I like the idea of taking pictures of him leaving her place), email the pictures to his parents and her husband/parents.

Once you have exposed, you keep meeting his ENs and being the best person possible - EXCEPT that you keep tearing away at the affair.

oh, btw, I can buy a GPS machine for 100. Will that not work? Does it have to be a phone? I know nothing about that stuff.

I did some research on gps yesterday, Cat. What you're talking about might be a gps recorder, that records the data for later review. The one I looked at is real time, as it's happening. That's what I want to know.

I think Verizon is reporting the correct locations. It's their Chaperone program, at $10 a month. Check your cell carriers web site for child security or monitoring.

I keep trying to slide ENs into our conversations and contact. Sometimes that's hard to do with sincerity. I keep at it, though.

WH is not seeming so closed up to me today. He's here at home helping his friend detail a car. I wander out every now and then and try to work in an EN.

Onward! We WILL win this battle AND the war!

Say what? You HAVE TO go where you aren't invited. I show up on H at the gym all.the.time. If I can't join him, I at least show up and make my presence known. (I look in and make sure he is solo, through the windows, then I leave a love note or little gift on his seat in the car so he knows he's being watched. He has to know I'm not letting him get away with being Mr. FreeBird.

Your H in particular complained about loneliness. His assertions about your intrusions are bullchit and contradictory to his own statements. Catch him at a nice moment and have him take the EN questionnaire just so you "can be the bestest wife possible to him." Don't expect an exchange at this point, because I can tell you right now that my H hasn't even shared his (I snuck peeks, though) and could scarcely give two chits about what mine are, let alone interest in meeting them... however, it gives you a *possible* starting point. Do be prepared for it to be somewhat bullchitized, though. For instance, my H keeps asserting lacking attraction, yada yada... except he still seems to perform fine and he married me as I am (well, actually I was about 40 pounds or more heavier then) and said I was beautiful up until Whorita got to him. I have since been working on my PA, but also trying to take it for what it is, a bit-o-drama.

Say what? You HAVE TO go where you aren't invited. I show up on H at the gym all.the.time. If I can't join him, I at least show up and make my presence known. (I look in and make sure he is solo, through the windows, then I leave a love note or little gift on his seat in the car so he knows he's being watched. He has to know I'm not letting him get away with being Mr. FreeBird.

Your H in particular complained about loneliness. His assertions about your intrusions are bullchit and contradictory to his own statements. [/quote]

The difference there is *alone* and *loneliness*. When he's out hunting, he's alone, and prefers it that way for safety. If he's sitting around while I'm reading a book, he is lonely.

I'm going to keep to not inviting myself places for a few days and see how it goes. WH feels I'm checking up on him, and I guess my response should be "are you hiding something?"

The difference there is *alone* and *loneliness*. When he's out hunting, he's alone, and prefers it that way for safety. If he's sitting around while I'm reading a book, he is lonely.

I'm going to keep to not inviting myself places for a few days and see how it goes. WH feels I'm checking up on him, and I guess my response should be "are you hiding something?"
[/quote]You need to get to a good point, evidentiary point, wherein you can EXPOSE, then you have the reason to check up. In the meantime, I'm fond of "He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing." My H now KNOWS I check up on him, but I told him point blank that that is NOT negotiable at this point in time because trust is earned and ours has been torched. I told him that while I will bend over backwards in some ways to be nice and helpful and supportive and all that, I will NOT bend on this one. He doesn't know the extent to which I am able to see computer happenings, but believe me, I watch him like a hawk. Your "hunter" isn't prowling for deer or quail or whatever the heck the current season game is nearly as much as he's trolling for Whorella. I'd GPS and catch his are in a MOMENT. In a NY minute, baby!

SO WHAT!

YOU ARE his wife! It is your JOB to check up on him.

btw, I highly doubt he is truly going huntng 'with the guys.'

In total agreement. You should drop in on him and his various activities any time you like. You can make it pleasant- bring him a snack, leave him a note, ask him does he need anything from XYZ store.

When he says he feels like you're checking up on him just laugh and say "Why, are you hiding something?" or similar. Then change the subject before it can get into an argument.

Yep. This morning I wanted to make my periodic inspection of H's car, so yesterday I bought a bag of snack mix and brought that and a naughty note and left those on the seat of his car. Perfect alibi LOL. Though my H also knows straight up that I watch him because of his EA that he won't call an EA and because of his misdeeds online.

I nearly caught him last night. He called and said he was about 40 minutes away, would be home in an hour or so. Feeling a little (ok, a whole bunch) doubtful, I checked the gps. He's at the pig's house. So after pondering for a few minutes, I get my camera and go over there. Just as I'm turning onto her street, at 9 PM, he's turning off of it. He thinks he saw me, but wasn't sure, and I didn't say anything later. I need hard evidence. Which I am going to get!

Today, gps reports him at her sty at 5:59, 6:52 and 7:14 am. He's still there at 9:14 am.

What are you waiting for? Go get his [censored]! Get pictures! Get him and NUKE IT! Go, Froggy, GO! We're here for you! Remember, the ones who stand tall and slay it are the ones that make it (from all that I have heard around here)

NUKE IT! NUKE IT! GO, GO, GO!!!

(and print out and keep that GPS report for evidence if you end up in court... but don't tip your hand on having that kind of device, as you'll need it during the recovery phase)

You know what, I'd even go further with it... after you have the pictures of him leaving her place, get that camera to a SAFE place and that picture file to a safe place (and duplicated so you can't lose it) and then, I'd blow that puppy up HUUUUUUUUGE and stick it to his windshield when he's parked over there and on the back of the car a HUUUUGE print-out "Cheating on my wife with Marcella, 1234 Whorella lane" even if it's in her driveway, have it all there... blow it wide open and expose it to her neighbors so they'll notice if he's there with her. I'd also blow up a pic of you and hubby, happy, and tag yourself as "NOT MARCELLA" LOL

Get him HARD! Get her HARD! Pin them both to the floor!

He just discovered that I put the gps on his phone. Pissed is an understatement.

I told him that I knew he took her an AA meeting yesterday and was at her sty last night. He denied last night, until I said I saw him on her street. He said we'll talk about it when he comes home. And now he has his phone turned off.

She's such a poor little thing {sob}. The poor little thing has DUIs going back to 2000, and civil judgements for unpaid bills.

I reminded him that if he wanted to be friends with her, he was supposed to keep me informed, and he didn't. He had no reason for not telling me about yesterday. Or did he?

Shoot. Never tip your hand too far, hon. Not until you go nuke on them. Then, even still, it's WAR and WAR is about strategy.

Now you have no choice but to hide a GPS in his vehicle LOL HEHE

Oh, and I'd expose to her AA meeting, too LOL. AA would NOT approve of this. She's supposed to be fixing herself, not forking and spooning with some other womans utensil

He's going to find out I did the gps - said he was going to go to Verizon and find out what it is. I've been trying to call back and tell him I did it, but his phone is turned off.

I just called and left a message for her probation officer. He might find this interesting! ROFLAMO

I'm going to find out about her AA meetings (excellent idea, WR!) too, she's supposed to go 3 times a week. She also has counseling every week. Another way to fork her over.

I do hope she gets pig (oops, I mean swine) flu and oinks!