I think I agree with this but I *might* change the word "character" to something else..."selfish behavior" or "boundary issues" or "impulse control".

Although I do second-guess myself sometimes, I *think* I believe that FWH has good character...it's the other things I listed above that are lacking. I think, anyways.

My FWH says the same thing that "it was not like him" and he still "does not understand how it happened".

However he has shown me through the years that he is fundamentally "selfish", he thinks of himself first pretty much always. I am just the opposite, i think of him and the kids first.

I posted the same thing on Neak's now locked thread about WS and FWS having "weak character". I do not know if it is "weak character" or what it would be considered but i do think he has always been "selfish".

When I first read this analogy, I liked it, I thought well this makes sense. It will just take years to feel loyalty again from H. Sad.
Loyalty is huge for me, not only in a mate but from friends and family too. I know despite all my faults, I am loyal, always have been and always will.
Isn't loyalty to our mate what has kept us going, among love ....

After Justkim's post, about loyalty and character, it made me think more.
It scares the H*ll out of me since I don't know for sure if my H has it in him to really 'get' the loyalty thing.

It actually makes me question my own character, since I would drop a friend like a hot potatoe if they were disloyal. But yet I remain here.

I've come to the conclusion that busting the A up, maintaining NC, that's all the easy part. :crosseyedcrazy:

But, I still really like your post tst.

Another side note, I have to say that I too can't believe that the FWS's here were once WS's, blows my mind the insight and remorse that they share. I admire them.

I do too, Vittoria...I wish that my FWH would post here, I believe it would help to show some loyalty and commitment to me and our M.

<sigh>

I wish my H would too, but that would be unbelievably painful to watch, (types with one finger ).

Hey, watch it! I type the same way and my DD15 makes fun of me all the time. My DW is sweet but would agree that it's painful to watch me type.

My H is the same way and it is painful to watch LOL!!

Interesting thread.

I don't think any BS will find the "loyalty" they are looking for. I don't think loyalty is a matter of time or meeting EN's, etc. Loyalty, at least as it pertains to feeling someone is "loyal to you" is a matter of observing that person withstand adverse situations and remaining "with" you.

At least from what I observe, the "strength" of one's loyalties is always measured proportionally to how much they suffer in maintaining their loyalty. Think Job in the Bible.

For the example used about employees, it is not that they stayed for 10 or 20 years that demonstrates their loyalty. It's what they endured or suffered that demonstrates their loyalty.

Anyway, if someone asks how can someone demonstrate loyalty, I think the answer is simple. They sacrifice.

The catch for most BS's is that the loyalty we want to feel needs to equal our own. The BS needs them to suffer what they have suffered and remain with them. Which isn't going to happen. It's a practical impossibility.