Hi CL,

I believe beneath it all a WS state of mind is one of confusion, contradiction, pain and anger....because bottom line, they are not getting really what they want regardless of appearances.... and with time and the realization that R with OP does not turn out to be the bliss they thought it would be (as reality CANNOT be totally avoided).... it can go from bad to worse!

The healthiest thing anyone can do...is to not be in the way!

Your WS seems to be on a roll... (he is miserable and wants company!)

Plan B, giving him as little of your mental and emotional energy as possible is the healthiest way of dealing with a WS, and defending yourself and your rights in Court....so keep doing the best you can in those two areas.... keep appreciating what you ARE, HAVE and ARE AT as of TODAY.... and let the rest unfold itself.

Y'all are killing me!!! Karma, I'll take you up on that offer. Maybe we'll get a TV movie out of it. So many people have said that my story sounds like a TV movie anyway. I just hope my DD doesn't find out that she has a few half siblings out there. That would be the icing on the cow patty.


Luna, I know you are right. Maybe he wasn't happy with me, but life with her will have a lot of added stress that he didn't have with me. But, all they need is luv, right? It will make up for everything else.

One of Murphy's corollaries.

There is a logical progression to everything, from bad to worse.

Note that this is cyclical and will repeat when least expected.



Another is: Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.

This will prove itself to be true any time you think the worst is over or has already been seen.



And if Murphy's Law can fail, it will; so you can't wash your car in order to make it rain because that won't work either.


Mark

Well Mark, thanks for all of the encouragement!

Seriously, I know that things for me will get worse before they get better. At least I hope they get better at some point. Too much worse would be death for me. At least in that case I guess I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

It's all a matter of perspective...

Mark

CL,
Try not to worry -- I know...easier said than done -- because the same God who has loved you and watched over you for your entire life is still there for you today. God had not changed. Only your circumstances have.

And let me say this...I very much admire the way you stepped in there for ChaiBaby. You are a special and generous woman who is so deserving of a peaceful future full of love and joy. And I firmly believe that you will have such a life because of your selflessness.

And WH's anger -- I agree with Luna. He's just taking it out on you because you're an easy target.

And I'm learning from your thread so keep posting. My first court date is coming up and I've noted the advice someone gave you earlier about eye contact and posture in the courtroom. Shoulders back, chest out... use attorney as shield.

I may bring along FIL as my shield. He's my number 1 supporter.

Oh -- have you read "The Shack"? It's helping me cope at the moment.

So, I need an update. Don't you have a court date coming up soon?

Hey Cinder,

It's been a crazy week. Yes, pre-trial next week but atty says I don't have to be there.

I sent WH his half of the money by writing a personal check to WH and I delivered it to my atty. Today I get an email from my atty that says the check was improperly executed. My atty said that I had to rewrite the check to WHs atty instead. Apparently, WHs atty is afraid he isn't going to get paid so wants the check written to him. WH's atty "destroyed" my check. I told my atty that my check should have been voided and sent back rather than "destroyed" and my atty agreed. My atty will get assurance that it was actually destroyed.

Makes me wonder if WH is in financial trouble. Maybe his sugar daddy days are running out now. OP sure isn't going to like that.

Other than that no news except WH commented to DD that he didn't understand why I couldn't get a MFing job. Well I do have a job, thank you very much. I just don't make much money, and the job I have is one that he told me I should get. I've been in Plan FU mode recently and would really like to let him have it. Keeping my mouth shut though. At least for now.....

Chai, I hope you stop payment on that check before issuing another one.

Chai,

Just wanted to drop in and say Howdy! I have no idea what to say about your WH that hasn't already been said. Just keep on movin forward with your life, shutting him out of it. I wouldn't even ask waht he's said recently. Stop any information about him from coming in, so that you can find some peace.

I wanna puke on those men. :twobyfour:

I think I'd tell them I'd done exactly what I was told and it's their problem.

As hard as it seems, perhaps D is the best to give WH a big whoop-[censored] dose of reality compliments of someone other than you.

See, you and I have been punching bags long enough -- let's let our attornies step in to give us a needed break.

Even Jesus allowed Simon to help him carry the cross. And boy o boy, what a cross we've been shouldering lately!

We just have to face the fact that our WHs are broken and can't be fixed without drastic measures. And D may just be the ticket to cause them to wake up and face reality.

My fantasy for CL was always that she'd hire some pit bull attorney and tear WH a new orifice, but reality never works that way. It was a nice fantasy, though, because her WH is one of the sickest waywards I've read about.

I'm glad to hear that you still have your sense of humor and know that there will be an end to this nightmare. That your life is the one that will get better, and his is the one that will get worse.

I haven't updated for a while (a long while, I guess) because I've been relaxing and enjoying myself. Thanks for asking about me on my thread, though. I'll post something soon.

CL

Is it possible for you to retain the new attorney with some of your money from the joint account or is it not enough (or do you NEED it for bills, etc.)

Chai, as for your poswh, in the words of Monty Python....."I fart in his general direction".....better than that, I'll let ds16 have the honor and privilege

SD, glad to see you out and about. Let us know what is going on with you.

As for the pit bull atty, well, I tried and couldn't make it happen. Karma, I did visit another atty, but the retainer was so high I couldn't afford it. As it turns out though, my atty may not be so bad after all. He isn't the pit bull, but I think sitting back and letting WH and his atty hang themselves by their own ropes may be a better strategy.

At the pre-trial, WH's atty claims that my accountant told him that I could sell my business for about 3 times what any normal, half-intelligent person would pay for it. Evidently the judge got a chuckle out of that. Of course my accountant said that there was no way in h3ll that he said that. He thinks WH's atty is a nut anyway. I did have the business for sale at one point, so the broker is working up a new valuation on it.

WH's atty is also claiming that I can go get a job, that I quit my last job, and that I can make more than WH. I guess he hasn't heard that the unemployment rate is the worst it has been in years. You just can't "go get a job." I was laid off from my last job, but I don't see what significance that is, and yes, I can make more than WH but I left my field 5 years ago to be a small business owner. I'm getting far too old to get any job in corporate America now, and my business was part of my retirement plan. I just didn't plan on having it as my total support. WH was supposed to be supporting me while I got it up and running.

So the bottom line is that there is still no settlement. WH has hit a brick wall on me hiding money because there is none hidden, so he is now going down a different path. I'm trying to hang in there financially, but its getting harder and harder. Summer is my slow season and I can't pay myself much.
I guess at this point, there is no court date set. I couldn't manage to stay M, and now I can't manage to get a D. WH is just not going to settle.

Chaibaby is really a good little guy, and very happy. It has been a little bit of a struggle with DD. We've had the bipolar meds changed and the new one seems to be better.

Oh, and I was asked out on a date. I said no. Even if my D were final (like it was supposed to be this month), I just don't think I'm ready. He wasn't someone I would be interested in anyway, but it was just nice to know that I'm not totally a hopeless case.....

You have NEVER been a hopeless case. In fact, you are a woman of grace, decency, integrity, commitment, passion, intelligence, unbelievable patience and just plain goodness. NO WONDER someone wants to take you out.

I wish you were up so I could tell you what's been happening on my mind. Hopefully soon.

I love you girl.

Yeah, what Queenie said.....