Around July he finally broke down and told me that he wasnt happy with "This" .He didnt like his life or what has happened to my WW and I .He had been telling both of us that he was ok with this .Since then I have promotoed the idea of him being honest and not covering up his true feelings .he only recently started telling the WW the truth .Recently he has been striking out at his friends,his brother and kids he is playing with .He wants his bedroom light left on at night ,wants to sleep with me and fears that someone is going to break into our home ,kill me and take him away .I am no pyscologist (Sp?) but it sounds like separation anziety(sp?) to me .I reasured him all the time but his behavior is stil troubling.

On a side note :Tomorrow will be 1 year since she bombed us all with her totalyy unexpected news .Even now a year later I have a very hard time understanding or accepting that the loving caring mother and wife i knew could turn into this self centered ,cruel ,witch .I keep thinking that the old person has to be in there somewhere.I have a hard time accepting that that person may never have been real .This is the real woman showing now ?????????? I am not sure if my kids know that it has been a year .I will not bring it up but it weighs very heavy on my heart.

I am afraid that governments do not appreciate these fine details to the human psyche. What a pity that Canada treats these infidelities so casually. At very least she should pay for the damage to her kids.

Look after your boy!

I am coming to realize that I am alone in the fight to right the ship. She may never face the fact that she has casued so much damage . Her new life doesn't seem to have any room for reality or truth.Fantasy rules the day in her world .I am no martyr but I will be damned if I am going to sit by while my sons struggle .I will make this right despite her. I was so used to taking on the struggles of life with her as my partner but she is DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are not dead! Breathe and carry on with life. Life is a gift of God -be thankful.

My WW or someone else went through our communication book and highlighted ever point I have made about my sons troubles .She then went on in her last entry to let me know that they had 4 days without any problems whatsoever. I dont think there is any point in putting anything in the comm.book as she is still in denial concerning the damage she has inflicted on him. Not sure what the hightlighter is all about . Her doing ? Her counsellor ? Her lawyer? Not sure .I guess I have to work up the courage to ask her. Not sure where to turn at this point regarding the communication book.Do I continue to relay information concerning my young sons troubling behaviour? Is it going to be used against me in some way.

How can it be used against you? If anything, YOU are the one taking steps to take care of it. Don't worry about it. Let your lawyer know. Pffft.

I hope this lawyer is better than the last dud!

My new lawyer appears to be doing and saying everything on my behalf. I am very comfortable with her work and behaviour .

I sent the comm. book with limited info in it this time . I will limit what I write until such time as my son is in counselling. I only started using it for her needs ie. to read about the ongoing life of our older son. I ahve to keep reminding myself that it isnt my job to fix everything .I am so used to fixing everything .I have to break away from what used to be the norm!

What is a comm. book?

I like many are riding this rollocoaster we call life .This past weekend I was in a downward spiral. I had to get hold of my WW as she must sign consent for my son to go counselling(Something I never has to do with her counsellor??) . Either way I dont like talking to her .I called her cell on Saturday and my son answered .After some father son small talk he told me that "they" were all there working away together on their new house . It shouldnt bother me still but it does. Soon after I talked to her concerning the consent I hung up and found myself in a pool of tears once again.That set the mood for my weekend . Yesterday I got my son back again for my 4 days so that lifted me out of my "moment". To add to my weekend mood I also felt I had to talk to my older son concerning his lack of communication with his mother .It is such a catch 22 when my heart wants him to remain incommunicado but my mind knows that isnt the best thing for him . I had a talk with him Sunday night concerning this but once again he wasn't in the talking mood nor did he wish to budge from his position .I made the effort .I will try again at a later date. I let him know that I wanted him to have a relationship with his mother and that in no way would he be deserting me if he did .I would be happy for them both .It was hard.

He has to realize what is right and wrong. Right now you wife is bad company in his presence. He is legally obliged to be with her. Perhaps he need to encourage her in walking in truth.

He isnt legally obliged to be with her .At 14 he has his say as to where he wishes to live .Only my young son has no choice. I dont advertise this fact around them .My young son has stated "If my brother would only visit Mom I could stay here instead of him. There was no point in telling him that isnt true.

I continue to impose a PLan B attack on my WW .I dotn allow for any contact between us if possible .I communicate through a communication journal when it come to the children. Any time I see her face to face it still hurts. Despite doing a great deal better than previous I am still struggling to find "Happy alone". I havent found it yet.I continue to go weekly to my support group and keep myself busy with many activities they provide. I cant say i am happy in life at this point.

After 3 days trying on the phone to get through I finally made an appointment with a counsellor for my young son .Yahhhhh!!!! Even if I get no where with counselling I can at least know that I did all I could for my son in this time of unrest .He has told me repeatedly when the nightmares hit that he thinks someone is going to break into our house and kill me or I am going to go away for ever .It would appear to be separation anxiety if you as me.

I think that he would feel a great deal better if he saw his dad being strong and building up the family. This does not mean that you are not allowed to say that you miss your wife.

Invest in yourself and kids. Join a divorce group in your area!

I don't know what to tell you, but if you want ANY kind of decent future for your sons, you will quit feeling sorry for yourself, and LOOK for ways to get out of your doldrums. It isn't just going to happen, rod. Happiness is a CHOICE. You choose to stay depressed and to feel sorry for yourself.

I've been in and out of depression for years, so I know how hard it is to get out of it, to think positively. Do you know how? You take action. You CHOOSE to do things differently. Even if you don't want to.

You choose to find new things to do each day. If you eat toast every day, start eating eggs. If you take the boys for a walk, take them to play tennis.

Make some changes in your life, ok?

I have been involved with a support group and many social activities through this group fro most the last year . Depression I have but "depressed like" I am not . My ego allows me to be depressed ,My soul will not let me act depressed! I am worth tooooo much to go around sulking forever.Moreso my sons are worth wayyyyyyy toooooo much to let this destroy me, them or us .

As much as I am supposed to move on ,begin my new life and never look back it would be nice to hear from people who had their adulterous ex's come back to say sorry .To have that happen would be good .It would be nice to think about one day hearing that yes I had actually mattered and how it wasnt so easy to just throw me in the trash . Not having the best day today for no real reason . I dont wish my ex back but it would be nice to find out that I had mattered as much as she had for me. I am probably going to get blasted for writing this but it would still feel good to get a crumb. Its been a long hard battle .Im tired.