Hope3343, I really think all is lost. I do love my wife but I have been through so many ups and downs with her over the past 20 months that I just need to wake up and let her go.

Over the past 3 and a half months since DDAY she has refused to completely come clean. When I sit and think of all that has been going on in the past I dredge up all the bad thoughts of what she was doing and what she wanted to do. The fist real sign (after the new breast implants which replaced already incredible breasts) was her locking me out of her computer. We never had a secret before this. Everything got intensely worse (and I mean intensely) after this. Many other things that I don't want to get into. It is embarasssing and painful just to think about (remember).

As I read what I wrote here earlier and what I gave my attorney (about 24 pages of notes and info on books she was reading) I really just need to let go. I don't want to in my heart because for many years she was special and nothing like she is today. I am sure that what she is going through will not last forever but if it lasts another five years or even one year it is probably too much for me to handle.

Even now when I ask her how recently she was with her married boyfriend who she was proud to say that she stole from another married girlfriend (even just for lunch) she tells me it is none of my business because of our separation agreement (in VA the only way to get divorced are separation, adultry, cruelty and one other thing I think). Suing for adultery is very expensive where the separation is at least 1/10th the cost. It takes six months here before we can file for divorce once officially separated.

What has happened is that she is none of my business. She is younger by ten years and even though very pretty she is very screwed up. Possible bipolar or something but I can not say for sure. She see's her analyst regularly which is okay but what has she been telling him? She was seeing him all along while she was and probably is still sleeping with her playmate.

I think folks are right and since we have no kids I need to move on. As painful as it is. I will never be able to trust her again and she will do her best I think to take me for what she can get. I want to believe her but everytime she lies to me I get more and more upset (after being really nice and trying to understand). Now she has taken to not telling me anything because she knows that I will catch her in another lie.

It is all so sad.

Thanks for your input,

M

M,

I know you are looking for support and ideally would like to salvage the M. You do what's best for you. If you want to try R that's your prerogative. However, I would really have a hard time not wondering if WW was ever genuinely in R for the right reasons since her ploy for personal financial gain. BSs have to eat a lot of crap to even attempt recovery and no one wants to be used as a paycheck. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is a concern.

Take care.