I'm just not sure what to make of your advice....or your comments. Sometimes they are just downright hurtful and sometimes not. I just don't know.

No problem

Here's the secret to Plan B, don't allow it to be broken. Otherwise it becomes Plan C and there is no such thing.

We all think OW's are different. Mine was a crack addict with hepatitis c. She was on state disability and didn't work. She was at my H beck and call 24/7. I could NEVER compete with that.

I have to get to my son's game. I will be home in a few hours and check on you to continue talking, ok. You will be ok. I trust G-d to help you.

I was thinking the same thing VST.

I wont argue but I hate to see a sweet woman's life ruined for years putting up with a man like that. She is suffering greatly and for what. She admits the marriage was never good after the baby was born. Why suffer? What are you trying to save? I will stay off your thread after this. I am sorry for your pain. Pain that no woman or man should have to put up with.

I havent read thru your whole thread. But I am very sorry you are having such a hard time. I too had a hard time with plan B at first. Believe me you cannot convince an active wayward of anything sane. They are insane. Every time I talked to my WH I just got more and more hurt. and it did lead me to a nervous breakdown. (read my thread)

Plan B is to save your love for your WS. But I believe it saved me. not seeing or hearing him made me think less and less of him with his POSOW. I still cry when i think of it. Just dont think of it. Push it out of your mind.

I think I read that this is recent for you, a few months. I dont think you should divorce yet. I dont think you need to go thru that right now. plan B please. Take care of yourself. and as for him, out of sight (easier to keep) out of mind.

Oh thank you Still! I'm so happy to hear from you! It is hurtful because nothing has changed. I think the A with his co-worker is done but I believe he's started something new with someone else. I can't take it! I so think PB is going to be the best thing for me.

I don't know if 1 1/2 yrs is recent. I got the ILYBINILWY speach in Dec 07 thus the beginning of the A with coworker OW which I fully exposed on 4/8. Then I caught him with another OW on May 3rd.

I'm going to check out your thread.

What do you say to WH when he says, oh DD will be ok, she'll be affected a little but if we do this the right way, it won't be too bad for her.....

Oh, i dont know why i thought only a few months. My D-day was 8-07 and I am still having a very hard time too. But as for a D, I am just gonna let him initiate it. I dont know if i can mentally go thru that right now. But I am Plan B'ing.

Nothin has changed for me and my WH either. He is still with OW. It does hurt and I dont know when it goes away. I wish I could help you more.

My WH said the same thing. "kids are resiliant, He'll be fine." I think I said something like "Yeah chances are he'll be fine or maybe not. but You can just take a chance, Roll the dice, He's only your son. as long as you are happy thats all that matters."

I read your story....

{{{{{{Still}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry for what you've been through and your pain. My WH has said the same stuff to me as well.

The bad thing about breaking PB is I got sucked back into his fog babble.....

This is abuse and I hate it.

VST.... I think the above poster must have gotten lost.. they were looking for DIVORCEBUILDERS... So here's the link for that poster... www.divorcebuilders/giveup/nofaith/losthope.com I hope it helps them...


As for you VST....sorry your Plan B got broken... I know this is hard.. {{{{{VST}}}}}} Since he said he would speak to a MC I would call Steve Harley RIGHT AWAY… and ask him what ot do and if you could set up MC while he is in contact..

I remember a few people talking to Steve while they were NOT in NC.. Can you call Steve?

All Bubbles is saying is that you HAVE TO RESPECT YOURSELF. Until you do, you will keep caving. And he will NOT RESPECT YOU.

She is telling you to respect yourself as a person JUST AS VALUABLE as him.

Get mad! STAY mad! Tell him you will no longer be treated like dirt.

And you don't have to explain WHY you go back into Plan B. You just kick him back out of your life.

It really is that easy.

You say "Really? Is that what she's going to feel when everyone tells her that her dad left her because he wanted another woman than her mother? Because that's what is going to happen."

VST, quit giving him any help to ruin your life! You don't owe him anything! Respect yourself.

Yes, I was thinking divorce but what I mean is KICK HIM BACK OUT OF YOUR LIFE> FAST. AND CLEAN. NO CONTACT< TOTAL DARKNESS! I was not clear. You do not need a legal divorce to do a hard cold black dark Plan B.

You just need enough inner strength and self respect. After all a divorce could take a while. Plan B is quicker if done right. Man. I had to go explain myself again and here I am not respecting you either. I am gritting my teeth and staying off of here. I want to give you about 100 lbs of MY STRENGTH. So you can firmly never talk to him.

Thanks VST. Yeah it just sucks doesnt it. It definitly is abuse. My therapist wanted me to go to hawc for abused woman and children. and I was like "I wasnt abused". she said its severe emotional abuse.

Dont give him the chance to abuse you. Hang up the phone. Now everytime WH texts me i send a text back saying "This # does not accept text messages". When he comes to pick up my son at the door and he tries to yell somethin to me thru the door, I just pretend I cant even here him. He gets the hint. When he calls for my son and I answer by mistake, He tries to say something to me I dont even listen to what he is saying, I say "Hold on a moment" and tell my son his father is on the phone.

Plan B is not easy, I just want to talk to him so bad. But I just think of the horrible stuff he has said to me and its not worth the abuse.

You just gotta do it. Hang in there.

Here, practice on me! Tell me "I asked you to stay off my thread and now I am TELLING you -STAY OFF OF IT! NOW!"

Please say that to me, practice your boundaries with me so you can do the same with your husband.

Yes I need to respect myself. I don't know why I don't. Maybe I don't think trying to convince him not to leave his family is being disrespectful to myself. I don't beg but maybe it comes across that way because I keep doing it and he can't hear anything in a fog....It is almost like I'm mad but not mad enough somehow...

Thanks Frank but tst said it would be a waste of time and I think I agree with that right now. He's still too foggy.

Funny......now that you've called me a sweet woman I can't be mean to you....and you know that is my nature. Even when someone hurts me I find it extremely difficult to hurt them.