Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2248089 04/20/09 12:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 18
I
imdone Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
I
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 18
I have posted this in the D forum and in the infidelity forum.

Briefly, WW is at it again for the third time. We have 5 children and one passed away 7 years ago. She was carrying on with a EZ online. Once i discovered this i told her we were done and that she needed to get an attorney. She didnt do anything except find another person to continue the EA with. She confided in some one she knew 20 years agao (and knows nothing of her cheating past as well as her drinking problem). Her two passed A were physical. This one hasnt turned physical (?) becuase the person is in another state. She conitues to communicate with the OM via a new hidden cell phone. We are in teh same house but sleep in separate bedrooms. We dont speak untles its about the kids and even then its limited. She is using the kids as messengers when it comes time to communicate something to me. I am done with this relationship but i feel for my children (eldest is 14).

I have consulted an attorney and a D is very expensive and costly for all involved especially the kids. I feel we need to mediate this to a point where we have the childrens best interest at heart. This cant happen while she is having the A.

I feel that it is extermely hurtful and damageing to the kids to contiue to see this on a day to day basis. Its also hurtful to me...

I want her out of the house at least until we can get to a point that we can mediate the D successfuly.

I cant legally throw her out and she wont leave. She is a typcial cake eater. I think she expects me to leave the house the kids so she can bring her OM in.

Dont know if OM is married or not and quite frankly dont care. From my persective Im done. This isnt the first time. Its the 3rd. Technically the the 4th actually.

Do i plan B now since there is no legal recourse i can take. She has a drinking problem but has no DUI or any documented instances other than some out patient sessions 5 years ago.

any advice? any sample plan B's. I read the books in the past but dont have them anymore. .....


Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Wow. Sorry about the loss of your child.

Personally, I would NOT leave the house. Your kids need you! At least don't leave until they are all grown! Then, you never have to see her lying crazy a$$ again.

Until then? Can you find some professional help in your area, kind of like SuperNanny for marriages? Someone who will come in, observe, and help you arrange either living arrangements you can live with, or help you find a way to get her to move out?

How old are your kids?

Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,553
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,553
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.

I agree with catperson, DO NOT leave your home. Have you thought about having a legal separation? That might work.

Also, there was another poster, here who had the same difficulties with his WW. You might want to read his thread. If you would like, I can bump it for you.

Good luck


You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 34
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 34
I am in the same place as you--WH is on his 4th affair, and I'm starting to get ready to implement both plan B and plan D. Wish I had advice to give you...but just to let you know I'm in the same place and will be watching your thread as well.

And I am so very sorry for your loss.

Good luck.

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945
Imdone,
For the kids sake can you and your WW negotiate some terms unitl you can D? Harley has a good article on negotiating. If you can put your kids first and negotiate the best way to proceed it may help you both get through your temporary situation.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_guide.html

GG


D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 30
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 30
If she's an alcoholic, I'd recommend Al-anon for you.

I used alcohol as a way to kick my xWH out of the house. I refused to allow alcohol in my house, and refused to allow him to stay at home if he had been drinking. I told him he could drink, or live with me and the kids... not both. He chose to drink and left. Once he was no longer living with us, things started going downhill fast for him. I didn't realize how much I was "enabling" while he lived with us. He didn't quit drinking, however until he was arrested multiple times and spent 6 months in jail.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 132 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
russelltonya, arielwilson, Debby Woman, Comfortable Shoe, Sourdine
71,849 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5