OK,,many of you had originally started long threads with constant updates. IF you can find your old thread,,pull it back up. It will be missing the posts from May until today. Update as best as you can and continue on from there. IF we are ever able to retrieve the missing posts, we can always try to merge them into your current post.

IF your current thread was STARTED after May,, it may be gone.. You'll have to start over.

I'm Sorry.....

HW, I dont remember how long ago your affair was...but from the other side...My WH was my anchor, he was my balance....well before he decided he loved someone else.

But anyway I think your H just needs time, to trust you, to process what you did. And I am positive that he still loves you...Just keep giving him reason to trust him...make sure he knows that you love him and will do what it takes to build his trust back...He doesnt hate you, he hates what you did.

I am just telling you how I would feel if my WH wanted to work on the marriage....You made the big step of staying and workin on your M...Now its just gonna take time and the work.

i had a one night stand after about two years of in appropriate behavior in chat rooms on interent (no EAs - just lots of attention seeking behavior - stupdily wanting to be told i was pretty).

the PA lasted 2 hours with a drunk stranger in vegas - who then invited three friend up and wouldnt let me leave. So I am dealing with cheating on my H - combined with rape...which MY H cant see as rape - he thinks I was incontrol of the event and some how the director of the whole event. I didnt report to cops because i thought it was all my fault. Lots of nastiness in the span of a day. Talk about sending my life to hell in a hand basket. (note i am just now accept the fact that it was rape...my IC our MC and my Dr. have helped me realize a very drunk women, in a room with four men...who asks three seperate time sto leave is told she cant...was raped). Also note - i know I am lucky i didnt end up dead somewhere - call me the dumbest women alive. I threw away his love, my marriage. I risked my life. All because I was angry and bitter and hurt. I allowed emotions to control my actions. Never again.

My H played his role in not meeting me ENs - he was verbally abusive in the past. BUT - I let my feelings control my actions. I cheated on my husband. And for that I bear responsibility.

the outcomewill last a life time...

Jeez, HW I am so sorry...and It DEFINITELY wasnt your fault. God, to have to deal with the rape and then your H blaming you is really rough HW. I hope you are gettin help dealing with that issue also.

But IDK if I really think that he truly in his heart beleives that you orchestrated the whole thing. I think he is just really really mad at you. I think that he will come around on that issue eventually..after he works on gettin over the actual affair part.

When the anger subsides hopefully you can both work through this issue together..I mean you both need to help each other through all this mess. It just might take a while...Hang in there.

Sounds like a re-write of history when I compare this to an old post of yours;

Yeouch. That's going to be specially hard on the newcomers who came here for help, only to have their entire thread wiped out...

It's good to see the forums back though. That was a LONG dry spell..

(btw - add the default text-centering effect to the fix-it list :))

HW, I dont know why I didnt know about all this before. I must not have read your whole thread I guess. You did make a big mistake, we all make them...but you are in no way dumb and you did not deserve what happened to you. You just did a dumb thing, God knows I have done plenty of them.

I am very glad you are goin to an IC. I understand some of what you are goin thru, I went thru something similar as a teenager...so I can relate to the pain you are goin thru with the rape. My heart goes out to you, If you need to vent I am usu on here every day at some point....Ill say a prayer for you..

Hey TST - welcome! glad to see ya back - always keeping me honest. Glad you found my old thread.
yep that was our fantasy - and i went with the first man because of the fantasy - i felt as if my H was somehow directing me...because the first OM approached me exactly has my H and often said he would...I cheated...i engaged in a PA with the OM exactly as my Hs fantasy said I would...but the other men - I asked to leave and was told I couldnt...so I have a dual issue of cheating, guilt...and rape...(note the firs OM - i am not saying it was Hs fault because of fantasy...fantasy is fantasy - i made it real. It is NOT my Hs fault I did what I did...it is mine)

and Stillhere - this info was not in my first thread - i just said it was a ONS with an OM - i did not reveal that there were four men total - the embarresment of it all. But truth is - H can not forgive it. And I have accepted that I may end up divorced. I want to restore my marriage and spend the rest of my life with him. But, he is so hurt - i dont think he can see that ther is anything good left in me. and i can not change that. I can only be a good mother, a good wife. I can only work to become stable and healthy and life for my sons. I can not change how my Hs feels. Only he has contorl of that.

Hi, HW, it's lurioosi2. Where s your blog again? I have one on wordpress too now under lurioosi. I am so sorry you are haing a hard time.

I just feel sad posting and reading right now. I probably won't be around much for awhile. But I wanted to tell you hello.

Oh there is a lot of good left in you...He will see it eventually..He has to. You sound like you are having a little bit of a hard time forgiving yourself...please work on that and I have to believe that he will come around..Show him the good in you and believe in yourself and please forgive yourself...

And if he doesnt eventually come around then you need to move on. You dont want to stay with someone who is that unforgiving. But if he had love for you before I think he will love you that way again...It will just take a lot of hard work...

Hi lurioosi2! I've been wondering who would come back and who wouldn't. I'm sorry you're feeling down. I hope everything is okay.

I'm on the fence about sticking around at this point. I was pretty much obliterated, since I just joined in early September. I just don't know if I have the heart to start over.

I see everyone survived the MB withdrawls. Welcome back all.

Wow, my whole D details disappeared. Does this mean that it was all a dream? ROLOL

My entire identity disappeared. Does this mean I don't exist?

writer1, I feel your pain. These things happen, unfortunately. I'm in the same boat -- I started posting in late August, and even though I was mostly in newcomer threads trying my limited best to help out, that's all gone. So are my links to all the threads I was following -- not to mention most of those newcomers themselves. My own threads here and in Recovery were no great shakes, but I still put a fair amount of time into them, and it sucks that they're gone without a trace.

All I can suggest is what I'm going to do myself, which is to pick up and start over. Start a new thread, summarize your situation and move forward. Among other things, I'll bet it's a lot easier to get others' attention while traffic here is still picking up than it might be later.

Yes, this is a real stinker. Just another bit of adversity to overcome, huh?

I, like so many others, had some awesome advice, insight, and encouragement within my thread. I needed it. I relied upon it.

I'll keep plugging away, though. If I give up and go away, will I get better advice, more valuable insight somewhere else? Of course not.

So, I just treat this like I do so many other things. Did I cause it? Can I change it? Can I control it? No, no, and um, no. So, TB heads back to the land of Junior Membership.

So, does that mean I go back to being really New, Blue and in Need of a Clue? I'd like to think I've progressed a bit beyond those initial days of angst....

May 2009 is better than September 2008, but I am sad for what I have lost. I think I might start to make copies of things I think are important to me instead of assuming they will be on MB for me to find.

Lil:

About this:


I did the same thing. I copy and pasted to myself what I felt was most important yesterday. I recommend it to every one else, as well.

LG

Good idea.

As for trying to update old threads pre May09 or recreating threads since May09---I'm just too darn emotionally wiped out to even think about it.

I haven't read this whole thread, but does anyone know how to make the posts read left justified? I come back on and everything is centered and it's just wonky...and YES! Wonky is the technical term.