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BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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The link didn't work for me. I think this is another link to the same article: **edit**
Last edited by MBLBanker; 04/30/12 03:50 PM. Reason: removing link
Me: 47
H: 56
DS35, DD29, DD22 (his)
DD15, DS12 (mine)
Married 1 year
My first marriage: Married 21 years until ex left for his online OW.
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I do not have any person in my life who is "neutral", how do I then aquire an moderator? We have been together so long, been at this hacking so long, everyone has an opinion.
I don't think it is fair to put my friends and family through the wringer again. They either resent of have empathy for the sit.
Last edited by barbiecat; 11/01/10 09:13 AM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Good one that needs to be bumped
Nesre
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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Can the BW just put a filter on her email and any message WH sends her is forwarded automatically to someone who she has read the message and decide what she really needs to see/know.
My SIL wants me to be her IM but I have come out pretty strong against the affair already and as a result her WH is very angry with me and isn't talking to me.
Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
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Can the BW just put a filter on her email and any message WH sends her is forwarded automatically to someone who she has read the message and decide what she really needs to see/know. This is technically possible (and fairly easy) depending on the email client (program). Look for for "rules" or "filters" to find out how.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Some emails will do this.
HOWEVER!
If the point is to conceal from the WS that she has an IM at all, it is not a good idea. Part of the point of having an IM at all, besides to protect the BS, is to be a buffer so the WS *knows* they can't just reach out and mess with their BS.
Forwarding the email can be a good second-line defense, as long as the WS doesn't start sending from new email addys to get around the block. Should that happen, the BS needs to change their email ASAP. Changing it is a good idea anyway, but at minimum a block, preferably with a redirect/forward option.
So by all means have her forward the emails if possible, just don't try to sneak around and pretend like there's no IM.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody, can you email me **edit**
Thanks
Please email the administrator at JustUss2@aol.com to exchange email info.
Thank you.
Last edited by MBLBanker; 07/24/11 05:10 AM. Reason: removing email address
Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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If a WS is doing the requirements while the the BS is in Plan B, what does the IM need to do? I mean, how do we know he is actually doing them? Does he tell me? Do I pass on the info? How do we know he is serious?
Thanks,
RQ
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If a WS is doing the requirements while the the BS is in Plan B, what does the IM need to do? I mean, how do we know he is actually doing them? Does he tell me? Do I pass on the info? How do we know he is serious?
Thanks,
RQ The IM will do the screening. The WS has to agree to end the affair and commit to marriage recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If a WS is doing the requirements while the the BS is in Plan B, what does the IM need to do? I mean, how do we know he is actually doing them? Does he tell me? Do I pass on the info? How do we know he is serious?
Thanks,
RQ -WS does all the talking
-See what his plan is for R
-How does he know he is ready?
-He has to be showing actions that are consistent with R
-Show me he has/plans to remove OW from his life
.... A false alarm is usually indictated by bullcrap attempts like "how can I know if my feelings will come back if she won't let me contact her??" An IM should protect the BS from this kind of stuff.] If you're IMing and the WS claims to want to come home just ask them what their plan for recovery is. If they are showing consistent actions, planning to end the A, and sign up to a recovery plan you can let the BS know. If they simply demand contact, don't bother.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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MOST waywards will make false overtures initially in order to regain contact with the BS. They will say they are thinking about things and can't really be sure unless they are in contact. It is important at this point to get YES or NO answers to the conditions, because they usually will equivocate when asked "have you ended contact with the OW? will you commit to the marriage?" They will give vague answers like "we will see how this works out."
The BS needs to be protected from such overtures because it means the WS is not serious. He just wants to have 2 people meeting his needs again.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I wanted to throw this question out here...
Are there any members of MB that would be willing to serve as our IM during Plan B? I do not know if there is already a "resource" for hooking up members with one another to serve as other member's IMs, but I thought it might be a possibility. I need to begin Plan B and have been planning it with the hope of starting on approximately July 14, but feel a little stumped on the IM aspect.
My family and friends have been so helpful and supportive throughout my 14 month ordeal thus far. I hate to burden anyone of them with the IM responsibility when I fear I will need so much additional support from them in other ways throughout the Plan B. Anyway, I also figured who better to be an IM than either a FWS or BS who understands the importance and significance of Plan B as well as the responsibilities of the IM.
I would certainly be willing to be the IM for a member in the future in order to pay it forward. (I don't imagine two members being each other's IM at the same time would be a good idea, but maybe there would be benefits to which I am currently unaware.)
Thank you for any thoughts, IM offers or IM suggestions.
D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012
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