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Every situation is different and with Dude, he had a remorseful WW as well as himself remorseful as well from his RA. Both of them made mistakes and are working to make amends.
As for the nastyness of the divorce, I think a lot of it has to do with whether the WS is "with" the OP during the divorce proceedings. The BS has it in their mind that the OP is "getting" stuff that is not their's be it assets, seeing the kids, benefiting from the WS receiving CS, etc.
It sounds like Dude and exWW were out of the fog during the proceedings which helped the negotiations.
Last edited by PSUBIKER; 10/30/09 11:33 AM. Reason: I can't type today!
Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08
Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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She's not worthy of you, PSU.
I believe she might have the capacity to change that, but I don't think she has the inertia required for such endeavors.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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I am a glass half empty kinda gal now since Dday... I'm a Cubs fan... Whatever is in the glass, whether half full or half empty, somebody is going to spill it at some point and then NOTHING will be left. Work with what we've got or it's "wait till next year."
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I feel like my whole life is a cubs game.
Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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(((((((((((Ima))))))))))))
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Dude, the only thing that worries me here is your kids. They are not grown ups, like you and W. These games you two play have consequences for them. Would you like to see them relive this pattern when they grow up?
That's why you might want to decide whether you're "all in" or not. Anything else is false hope for the kids. I agree and I am very sensitive to this dilema. I love my kids more than anything in the world. I'm moving to all in, just hard to even think about hearing "vows" again this soon, ya know?!
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Every situation is different and with Dude, he had a remorseful WW as well as himself remorseful as well from his RA. Both of them made mistakes and are working to make amends.
As for the nastyness of the divorce, I think a lot of it has to do with whether the WS is "with" the OP during the divorce proceedings. The BS has it in there mind that the OP is "getting" stuff that is not theirs be it assets, seeing the kids, benegiting from the WS receiving CS, etc.
It sounds like Dude and exWW were out of the fog during the proceedings which helped the negotiations. Pretty much..She just wanted to make sure she had enough money for a nice house for the kids, decent amount of cs, and I wanted to make sure I kept my sports cars, RV, boat, land, motorcycle, and 4 wheelers. I think when you really weren't that close anyway(which we weren't, mainly my fault) your like well, just make sure I get all my toys and I'll go find some young honey who wants to hang w/ me. But that wasn't right. We made a committment to ourselves and our children. DUDE
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DUDE is seeing the light!
Yes, if you were DINKS (double income no kids) this philosophy of "flexible" marital vows would be ok, since you're both adults and hey, if you want to swing, and you're both ok with that, whatever.
But with the kids, EVERYTHING changes.
I know my marriage changed because of the kids. Totally different life when we were DINKS.
Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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And nobody ever believes us when we say that 95% of all affairs end within two years, the wayward spouse eventually defogs and life can be better than it was before the affair.
I have no idea why nobody can accept that, but they never do...
Mark Well, for those of us whose spouse had an A that has gone on for 3, 4, 5 years or more, we are a little skeptical since we're already in the 5%. I don't dispute that life can be better than it was before. Maybe it's just because some of us were never given the opportunity to try.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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