It you say you are willing to do something but refuse to do that something, that does not indicate willingness. That indicates that the words don't match the actions. If I WON'T do something then I can't say I am willing. I can only say I want credit for some empty talk. And that is usually how alcoholics operate. Talk is cheap with us.

Ok Darn... I'll give you that one.

But what about Step 8... became willing to make amends.

You have the DESIRE. I don't know if you have the willingness because we haven't talked about it for a long time.

You brought up the weight thing, so I'm going to go with it only to further make my point.

If you are WILLING to lose weight, what is preventing you from doing so?


I might say I am willing to lose weight, but am I willing to eat appropriately to faciliate that weight loss? Am I willing to exercise to the capacity to lose weight?

If not, then I am not truly WILLING, because I'm unwilling to do the actions that would make the weight loss happen.

Willingness means BEING WILLING.


Now if I have a broken leg, I can't do the necessary exercise. So I could see in that instance that I might be willing, but not able. But if willingness is truly there, the very moment I am able, I will.

There is a difference between desire and willingness.

Results come from willingness.

They don't necessarily come from desire.


(((((Queenie)))))))

I don't like talking weight.

willingness = I will

I might have the desire to meet my husband's ENs, and still not follow through.

But if I have a willingness, it means I WILL meet his ENs.

You can't make amends UNTIL you are willing.

But once you are willing, the making of amends is SURE to follow.

I'm taking it in. I don't necessarily agree, but I promise to think and talk to my sponsor about it.

No, weight probably wasn't my best choice. LOL

Mel, you explained it perfectly in so many less words I was posting at the same time.

Queenie,

Was your H ever sexually abused??? I can't remember and in reading this it has made me wonder.....

Not2fun

If you never make the amends, are you really willing or are you just talking crap? Being willing doesn't stop there. Saying you are willing is meaningless if not followed up with action. It is a typical alcoholic con game to claim a willingness or a desire to do something and then never do it. But oddly, they feel saying words is sufficient. It is not.

I don't honestly know Not... Why do you wonder?

I am willing to do my job, but I REFUSE to do it. Does that sound rational?

ABSOLUTELY.....

But it isn't NEVER today. He divulged alot last night to me, which I KNOW was hard for him. Let me give G-d time... a LITTLE to see where the actions take him.

Well between the lack of sex and desire ( with no known medical/medicinal reason for it) and his talk with you about trust last night, not to mention his PRIOR sexual history in the M and what we know about the sex in the A....... It just made me wonder......

I will write more on this after work....

Not

ok.... email me if you like too...

Queenie,

Step 8 is about learing to put our pride in our back pocket and become willing to do this regardless of our justifications!

Read pg 83 of the big book...

I'm paraphrasing from memory her but it says;

We launched out on a course of vigorous action!

Willingness has to do with taking immediate action.

I believe he is learning to do that today. He owned up what he was feeling, he told me about it which was HUGE for him and he told me he would keep working the worksheet.

In reality he doesn't have to like it, but he will keep working on it and being open to learning and changing.....

I'm ok with that TODAY.

Ok... I get it.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:11-13