You are right, PM. She will get SS benefits at 62. The only way SSD would help Chai is if her husband were to die. If he got SSD, then Chai could start collecting it at 60.

I wasn't suggesting that the total cost was irrelevant. As someone who has been financially wiped out by the dishonesty of a contractor, and who now faces a retirement that will be pinched on every side by what this man did, you have my sympathy, my empathy, and a great deal of my understanding. And your circumstances are made harder to deal with by the fact that the man who did this to you was not some stranger, as mine was, but the one person you once loved and trusted to be on your side. That's gonna be tough to forget.

I was specifically speaking about the cost of your hair, which seems to have been an issue with him, and since he wants half of everything, wondering why he didn't ask for half of your hair, too. A small bit of sarcastic, snide humor, directed at your WH's greed, that apparently "gang agley", as Robert Burns put it a century or so ago.

tl

Chai you are awesome!!! I'm so sorry you are feeling stressed but know that you are a hero and an inspiration to many of us here.

If your STBX were to receive SSD, maybe it would be less likely that the judge give him as much in marital assets. Right now he is trying to look poor and destitute so that he receives "his" portion of the marital assets from you.

It might be too late for the attorney to argue this - but your WH DOES have other options of income. It isn't your fault that he chooses not to pursue it. Just has he is pointing out the POTENTIAL that you have - this is HIS potential. KWIM?

You did just fine, Chai. I don't think this is a bad update at all. The judge appears to have seen through some of the crapola from WH and seen you for who you are and what you have done.

WH only makes himself look bad (and a little crazy) for saying and "proving" all these things when the judge can see for his own eyes your calm, cool, reasonable demeanor.

You rock, girl.

Fox

{{{{{{{{{CHAI}}}}}}}

tl, I thought you were talking about the atty fees, which are pushing about $50K right now. THAT is hard to forget especially when I am not sure how I am going to get it all paid. Yes, I was very surprised that he didn't ask for half of the cost of the hair especially since he asked for half of everything else. The judge has to know that a woman would do her hair before she would buy food. It was obvious that he and his atty spent hours and hours putting all of this together, and my sense was that 90% wasn't going to matter anyway. I think the judge is going to look only at current assets and debts, and because neither one of us could prove that monies spent previously were for anything other than marital needs, then there won't be much else that he can do other than apply the law which I believe is 50/50. I don't know, but that's pretty much what my atty told me from the beginning.

PM, I was wondering the same thing. If he gets SSD and marries Miss Mullet then dies, wouldn't she be the recipient of the funds? I know that I'm eligible for regular SS payments because I'm the first wife etc., so maybe the same rule applies for SSD too? If that's the case, I'll apply for him tomorrow. No, make that TODAY.

I didn't even think of it at the time, and I'm sure my atty didn't either, but I would think that the judge would be aware of it. He's an older guy, and I am sure he has heard thousands of cases regarding this stuff.

I hope that I presented myself well. My atty hardly objected at all while WH's atty went ballistic objecting to everything. His atty was very sarcastic to me, snickered at every comment to hint that he thought I was lying, and was in general combative. My atty didn't say a word, but the first time my atty snickered at WH, his atty screamed "Objection! Snickering (or some other word meaning the same thing). I'm sure the judge sees it every trial.

I was just relieved that he saw the fact that I had a newborn under my care and recognized the fact that it consumed my time.

Thanks Tabby. I am happy to know that I can provide some help to someone. Even if it's teaching what NOT to do.

Still - hugs back at ya!

You are who you are.....that's how we KNOW you presented yourself well. We don't have to witness it to know that it happened.

You are an admirable woman, all your WH shenanigans only make you shine brighter.

The judge noticed. I am certain of it.


Don't think this doesn't count in the final ruling and the judges perceptions of your WH.

Mine had an attorney much like this. He was actually reprimanded by the judge for trying to bully me.

I also live in a "50/50" state. I don't think "50/50" means squat. It SOUNDS good, so people think things are FAIR.

There is no doubt that I won in my D. Mainly due to WxH and his lawyers incompetence. If I sat down and worked it out, I bet our settlement came out more like 80/20 with me on the high side.

No matter the decision, you will be ok. You will find a way to succeed because that is what we do. There is no other option.

Take care,
Fox

Such a pleasure to finally talk with you, Chai. I just wish it were under more pleasureable conditions.

It was nice to compare notes. You mentioning checks written for "cash" or to yourself has really got my attention. I'll keep searching for more of these. Considering what I've found so far, nothing will surprise me from now on.

And interesting how both our WHs are prematurely grey. And mine is 10 years younger than yours. The stress of all this "happiness" has taken a toll on their minds and bodies. I still think that D!ck is on course for a heart attack or stroke eventually.

And keep the faith about the judge's decision. He is human afterall and he's likely seen a lot of deceitful men and women in his courtroom. He knows you are not lying and WH is. He will take that into consideration. I know you will be a winner which -- really isn't the right word because everyone loses in a divorce. How about I know you will come out OK.

Take good care of yourself, Chai. The weight isn't off your shoulders... it's just be redistributed some place else. And that's OK for now. You are OK.

((((((((((Chai)))))))))))




"You're once, twice, THREE times a LADY.....and I loooooove you"

I have not one moment of a doubt that you presented yourself as anything other than the GODDESS you are......

Not2dun

Hey Holy,

Glad to be able to talk with you too. Our WH's are two peas in a pod. Maybe is't more appropriate to say two turds in a pile. I have no doubt that your WH is heded for the same health issues that mine has had. I'm sure a heart attack knocks that "studly" attitude out of them a little.

Not, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad that all is well with you and your recovery. The judgement still has not come down yet, but at this point I probably won't know until early next week. It's OK. I'd rather go into the weekend not knowing.

I had a 1/2 day intensive interview this morning (7 people) and I think I did OK. I was worried because I had been so depressed after court and I was afraid that I wouldn't be in the right frame of mind, but I put WH, the hearing and the D totally out of my mind and went in there with a good attitude and tried to WOW them. I just hope I get the job, but after the judgement comes down so I don't have to pay WH!

Chai, praying that the interview group recognizes the gem that you are.

They say that it only takes 15 seconds to make a good impression and when you walked in they probably said...

Great HAIR...

Thought you could use a laugh on this Friday.

Chai

lol Hope. As much as I spend on my hair, they better have liked it!!! Funny, if WH had asked for half of what I spent on my hair he could have paid his atty fees. Dumbarse, he missed the obvious!

SD, glad to see you around. Give us an update.

Hi CL,

...one HUGE hurdle behind you...

Time to celebrate and focus ahead.

Luna!!! Glad to see you. Give us an update girl!!!

Judgement is in. My atty was bummed, but I am really OK with it. I almost got exactly what I wanted. I didn't get support, but didn't really expect it. I'm short on time so won't get into the details right now.

I'm relieved in that I can now plan my future, but still horribly depressed over the loss of my marriage and all of the destruction in my wake.

Looks like November is not my month. I lost my dad the weekend before Thanksgiving in 2003, WH decided he didn't want to be married and drove away two weeks before Thanksgiving in 2007, and now I will be divorced right around Thanksgiving in 2009. Add that to dday on Christmas 2006, and holidays pretty much stink for me.

I will give a few more details later on today...

I LOVE YOU CHAI..............

I'm right HERE with you...........

You are not alone... though I KNOW it feels that way.

I don't know what G-d has planned... but one day you will smile again and understand.

I'm sad for you Chai. But getting almost exactly what you wanted can be looked at as a small victory. I know -- there are no winners here. Not your fault.

I'll check back later for the details in your post. The information you share definitely helps those of us in your footsteps.

And please keep us up-to-date on the job front. You are a capable, courageous woman, Chai. The company that hires you will benefit tremendously. We are rooting for you.

And D!ck -- I found his trip to the emergency room on his insurance website. Seems his out-of-pocket expense will be over $500. On another note -- I won the office World Series Pool last night. Ying, Yang. Up, Down. KARMA.....KARMA.....

Chai--it's time to create some new traditions. I remember after several really rough holiday seasons, we picked up and went to Australia for one Thanksgiving and it was like hitting the "reset" button.
This year will be too soon, but start planning for something AMAZING next year