tj thanks for that cherished, real hope in the change of people, I'm seeing real chang in my H and with it in me too, it really can happen /tj

Isn't it wonderful? There's actually a scientific term for it, something like neuroplasticity. Harley's entire program is based on the idea that creating habits of behavior eventually leads to a change in character. The man who is unfaithful can create habits which eliminate the possibility of infidelity in the future. It is, however, still up to the unfaithful spouse to make the decision to change. (Focusing on habits is also the central theme of the oldest and most influential ethics book of all, Aristotle's Ethics.)

Dr. Harley had many conversations with me, both through the private forum on this Website and on the radio program, and one thing that he said to me really stuck in my mind: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

It was when I gave up on trying to change him, when I stepped back, when I started working on changing habits of my own, then it was that he took ownership of his own behavior and stopped blaming me or this woman who happened to walk into his life. It was then that we started down the path to recovery. The OW simply isn't in the picture.

Cherished