Sorry to hear that you cried, SW---but it was probably something you really needed to do. You'd been holding it together now for a long time.

It's done, over and you came out a better than you feared, right?

And now....you can move on with life!

Hugs, SW.

Crying is what we do to grieve the loss. Just don't give up. Even with the end of the road up ahead, stay vigilent. Make sure all the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed.

Take care of yourself and keep posting. We learn from you.

I think it is a rare situation when a wronged partner can truly be positive all the time with ending a marriage. Stress and grief are a daily part of my own recovery, even as I notice more up sides to the situation. My husband was/is horrible, damaged even. Yet just last night, after a date with a very nice man, I had to fight the incredible urge to drive to where he lives with the OW, while my kids were on visitation over there, and demand him to get his a@# in the car, get back home, and take care of his family. I didn't of course. The reality is no one on either side can demand anything and expect a positive outcome. Crying is good. Calling 20 times and going over there, give yourself a break for doing it, but don't do it again. It's not good for YOU. I have been inspired by your strength as mine is lacking. Keep it up and please keep posting. I am so early in the process with no end in sight. Your posts remind me there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will reach it eventually.

D-Day was 7 months ago. But the divorce was final only 11-30. I don't feel long down the path, but maybe I am further than you. How is it you have to let your kids go visit him while he lives with OW? Our separation and divorce orders both say no over night guests of opposite sex. My separation agreement even said WH could have no women AT ALL around ds9.

I could not sleep last night...my parents are visiting and I went to bed around 10:30--which is probably the problem because I've been staying up until midnight and later so long. At least I've improved from the summer when it was often 3 or 4 when I went to bed. I laid there thinking of my cousin....and how I let them both convince me 7 years ago it was not true when it was. How could I have fallen for that? I should have just walked out the door that day.

I thought of all the viscious lies he told on the stand. I actually got up this morning and wrote down the list of lies he told in court and the other things he used against me that were scraping the bottom of the barrel. It helps me to stop thinking about things when I can write them down. Considered emailing him my list, but then thought why bother. So I tucked the list away and determined to be productive today. I cleaned out my garbage disposal (last night) and unclogged my shower drain and my bathroom sink drain. Changed sheets in ds's room because brother and girlfriend are coming tonight and girlfriend gets ds's room (brother in living room on blow up mattress). 2 loads of laundry. A bath. A delivery of a care package to a family in my congregation whose home was badly damaged by smoke/fire. Stopped and got ds and myself a quick but good lunch (that I couldn't afford). Drove by a couple of houses for sale. Ds got down and sad because we are looking at houses half the size and niceness of our current one. I about lost it over that...but was able to hold it together and tell him matter of factly that it isn't my favorite thing to be moving out of our nice house, but that is the way it has to be and if I could change it I would but I can't. He cheered up over a good bacon burger.

I'm really torn up over how to best go forward living my life and making a living. I so want to keep homeschooling ds. I think putting him in school so I can go to work is the worst possible reason. I toy with doing RE, but wonder what I will do with ds when I need to go to the office or show houses...guess I need to cross that bridge when I get to it and just go on and do the classes I need to get my license up to date and figure out who I want to work with. Surely someone will be understanding of my situation.....I guess I am borrowing worries.

My sister and her 4 kids are coming to visit for a few days after Christmas. I look forward to that.

Not sure what will happen with the house now. Got the appraisal back and it was lower than I wanted. I am waiting for WXH to call me....I figured he would be jumping for joy because he wants to buy me out...thinking now he can't even buy me out at the lower price. He got the appraisal Thursday afternoon and he still hasn't called me.

Have no idea how to prevent him from living with her, or to keep my kids from his new home as a result of the living arrangements. Am told by my lawyer there is nothing I can do about that, but it may benefit me in the long run. Trust me, if I could keep my kids away from the OW, I would. I'm still appalled he disrespected me in such a profound way by moving in with her. NOT the man I married or loved. I'm glad you are looking forward to Christmas. You should. Take the plans one step at a time. Yes, you know what they are leading you away from, but you don't yet know what they might be leading you toward. Something wonderful maybe!

And be careful. Read my post about self-destructive behavior: Sinking too Low - Be Careful

I managed to have a fair day. Talked on the phone just now for a long time to OW's BH. He and I have become the best of friends. We talk several times a week still--7 months after I first tracked him down to tell him my WH was sleeping with his WW. (He had no idea why she had left him). We really help each other talk through the cycles we go through. He said he was in the shower this morning thinking about how badly she treated him prior to leaving him....and he started to get mad but then stopped himself because he didn't want to give her space in his head and ruin his day. He told me that after I told him about getting up and writing down all the lies WXH told in court. He commented that we go through similar cycles. He has dated some already...3 different girls actually....but his divorce has been final since August, so he is ahead of me there.

I am excited about what I'm moving toward. Life is good.

OW's BH reminded me today that I escaped an abusive relationship....and that there was no other possible way to handle it other than end it like I did. I know I should need other's validation, but it does help when others recognize and remind me of how bad of a case my WHX is.

Off to read the thread you mentioned FP. Have a good day.

I wanted to do the same thing - life didn't serve up the circumstances that made this possible.

Not even kindergarten.

I have been carrying the financial load for our family for most of ds's 17 years. Only now is DH finally able and willing to carry a significant portion of the load.

Here's how I coped with that educational disappointment.

I signed ds up as a home school child (our district allows home schooled children to integrate into some school activities so it gave me control over his curriculum).

Because ds is an only child, it was later that I recognized the gift in not being able to home school him - he needed the social interaction - both positive and negative to give him the ability to find his strengths and overcome his weaknesses, to learn patience and to not take people personally.

In middle school, he got hazed in PE by a boy who's family lived in our neighborhood and attended church with us. We immediately pulled him out of PE for the rest of the year and got an exception from the school district to not have to take PE until son's junior year of high school, and then we were able to use electronic high school for some of those PE requirements. I remember son's reaction to this boy getting some kind of advancement (requires high moral behavior and ds knew this boy was a creep and immoral). Thankfully, the boy's family moved right after, so ds wasn't subjected to being around this creep in scouts.

The greatest blessing of ds being mainstream public school was the development of his social skills. After that hazing incident, there was one other incident that ended up with ds being suspended for a day, while the instigator got off. Son learned a valuable lesson that life isn't always fair, or hardly ever fair, but it doesn't mean you lose your own integrity in the process - a pretty important lesson to learn.

DS has been through some experiences in and out of school, through scouts, church and other organizations that have blessed him with a lot of inner personal strength. He doesn't cave to peer pressure. EVER.

I guess the final recognition of the blessing of not being able to home school came last year. We hosted an exchange student for a couple of months (the boy had some personal problems that made it impossible for him to stay in our home or in the US any longer than 1/2 of the planned experience). During the first week, this boy made some judgments about ds - that he was hopelessly GEEKY and NERDY and was never going to have a girlfriend. I kind of laughed because this kid was Mr. Fashion. In fact, when Adam Lambert was on American Idol, I couldn't stand it because Adam's fashion sense was quite a bit like this boy's style). Anyway - I get off topic a bit... sorry. He was surprised when I told him that ds had girls who liked him and one in particular for four years...

The first day of school rolled around and Exchange Student and ds head off to school; imagine the giggles I had to suppress when exchange student says, "WOW! "****" (ds) is FAMOUS!"

If you can teach the important lessons at home, like being true to yourself - hold true to your values, etc. then he will thrive in a mainstream school setting.

Find the gifts in this situation and play them up to your ds's advantage!

SW, it sounds like so many of your feelings are part of the normal grieving process. Of course, that doesn't make it easier to have those feelings!

As far as moving: We had to sell our house in Feb 2007 and I still haven't gotten over this. The two places we've lived since then are not nearly as nice and worse, we rent, rather than own them and it rankles me daily. I know the kids pick up on this: even just last night D10 said "I miss our old house" and I just teared up. We had lived there 10 years--the longest we'd lived anywhere since we moved so frequently--though it wasn't the first house we'd owned. We did a LOT of work to the house too--put on an addition, gutted and remodeled the kitchen, etc. I have to work so hard to even get the enthusiasm to put the Christmas decorations up here. I barely have any pictures on the walls. I am truly in a "renters" mentality and I hate it.

As far as school: I was thinking about you the other day. You said you lived in AR, right? So the public schools are probably not the state's strong point (one of the reasons I fight to stay in this town is that the public school system is stellar--in a state that consistently ranks #1 or #2 in the US for the overall quality of public schools). But there are homeschool parents even here! And some of the suggestions I've seen before--perhaps they might work for you?

1. Join a homeschool parenting group. If you do get a job in RE, perhaps your hours will be somewhat flexible so that you can do your part--hold a few evening study/learning hours for the group kids in exchange for your son studying with them during the day.

2 .Get an administrative job in a really good private school and send your son there for free or largely reduced tuition. I know a few friends who have done this.

Good luck!

Thanks OH. I am trying to be creative, but I have trouble focusing on solving the school problem before I even know where I'm going to be living. I am determined to stay in this district more for my supportive congregation than the school system--although if I'm forced to put him in school it IS one of the best in the state. Consistantly ranks in top 10 academically. Having said that it is also highly elitist and I've heard many many bad things about the militaristic style handling of the student body in general.

Kayla, I know that public school, even an elitist one, would not kill ds. I know he would even learn a few of life's hard lessons the hard way instead of the way I *want* to let him learn them. There are issues beyond the social though. In fact, I don't even rate social/moral as the top reason I hs ds. He is academically advanced---very bright. Putting him in school at this point would be putting him in a holding pattern for 1-2 years.

OH, I do have enough hs friends that I could probably work out with them some swapping of kid watching so that if I need to go to an actual office some I would have help. Also, ds is almost 10 and I would feel comfortable leaving him in the day time for long enough to go show a house. I really think the RE is my best bet--both as a compromise job so I can continue to hs ds and as a long term way to actually support myself once the alimony runs out. I can't muster up enthusiasm for it though. I think I'm needing to get the house situation settled first.