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Re: i cheated on my husband i need advice
TheRoad #2269840 11/05/09 12:01 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 7
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tsmithcu Offline OP
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tsmithcu
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 7
dear the road please read my post to jenkins also i wanted to reply to you also the om cant just show up in town he lives 800 miles away with no car and no money to show up here and plus he knows i dont want to have anything to do with him and he wouldnt know where to find me i dont think my husband is interested in an nc letter im trying here i feel like he is slowly slipping away from me i want him back
Re: i cheated on my husband i need advice
tsmithcu #2269903 11/05/09 09:00 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
Virginia
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GloveOil Offline
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GloveOil
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tsmith,

Can you give us some timelines? When did stuff start happening, for how long? When & how did you find out about stuff he was doing, and when/how did he find out about stuff you were doing? Got kids or not? Ages & how long married? (I assume you're from the post-punctuation generation.) Seriously, though, this sort of info will help people here get a better fix on what hurdles you're facing to get things back where you want 'em to be.

Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
Re: i cheated on my husband i need advice
tsmithcu #2269912 11/05/09 09:14 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,496
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MicheleG Offline
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MicheleG
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,496
Quote
i just wanted to let everyone know i spoke to by husband and he says that he's still very hurt and mad about the affair and he still doesnt know if he can forgive me later on or not


ts,
His hurt and anger will remain for a long time. Even if he chooses to stay he will have to deal with all the emotions that he is feeling. It is not easy. So make it easier.

Don't make excuses.
Be transparent(TheRoad gave you many good suggestions)
Start meeting his ENs(emotional needs) as he allows you to.
Get tested for STDs without his having to ask. Show him the results.
Be open and honest.
Don't expect your needs to be met anytime soon. Lock up your taker.
Own this A.
He has a right to leave. Don't beg and plead.
Improve you. Why did you fail to protect your weaknesses?
SHOW him what life can be like.
Stop any LBs(love busters-read about them here)

Your BH has lost everything he believed in. It takes time to even function properly after infidelity hits. So don't waiver. Do the work. Give him time. Don't argue or protest. When he has a bad time, say you are sorry. And repeat.



BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
Re: i cheated on my husband i need advice
GloveOil #2269981 11/05/09 11:30 AM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
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Pepperband Offline
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Pepperband
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Shrek's Swamp
GloveOil's post added to notables.. hurray

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: i cheated on my husband i need advice
tsmithcu #2270066 11/05/09 01:44 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Gamma Offline
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Gamma
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TS,

800 miles away with no car and no money

Wow this popped out from the page, your average male will read this as

"in spite of his poverty and poor future potential, my wifes physical attraction to him was so much more powerful than her attraction to me, that she threw me away"

I'm not saying this is true, but that is how I felt about my wifes EA.

NJ
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