Hiya

We talk about R stuff infrequently - occasionally I try, mostly because I want to do more for H, i try making suggestions to improve the SF, but he gets a bit touchy and says that he has resigned himself to the fact that it isn't happenning and if it does it's a bonus. And then will tell me how he has been wanting to talk about it but he doesn't know how to start, but if I do it's never the right time for him to talk about it. He just gets really tense about it - however gentle I try to be about it. I'm always happy to talk about it.

I instigate all the R talk - the other stuff is when I think we've worked well together or handled a prob differently that has worked well. Or I try to get him to talk when I can see something is buggin him but he is reluctant to open up or I tell him if something he has done has upset me. Usually these things don't lead to a discussion - just both of us making a mental note about what has happened

I don't envy you the pressure that the clock puts on.

Hi again Stay,

Currently I'm the one that brings up the R stuff. I know we are both thinking about what is going on with us and how to make it better, but I'm the one that brings it up. I don't want to over talk it but, I don't want to ignore what is going on either.

On another note I made an appointment with Steve Harley at the coaching center for my wife and I. I'm looking forward to talking to him, I think she is worried that he isn't going to have the answers for her. The MC that we tried was horrible, at our second counseling session he was asking if we had considered separation. What kind of marriage counselor brings that up at the second session. He also didn't see to have much to give us in tools to save our marriage. I think he has no motivation to help, because he gets paid either way by the government.

I know that things are going to progress slowly with us recovering but it can be very frustrating as well. I want to be as patient as she needs but I'm starting to struggle with the level of affection and non-existent SF. Don't get me wrong I'm willing to do whatever to save our marriage. I'm just having a period where it is harder. I think that this is probably common. Thanks for you help.

Have you had the coaching sesion?

How did it go?

Stay, thanks for checking up on us. Yes we had our first session, Steve talked to my wife more than me and I think it was a good thing. She was hesitant at first about talking to another counselor and feeling as though they could not help us. She was very positive about the session she had with him and looks forward to talking to him again. We both talked to him individually for most of the call and then we talked to him together at the end. We were so positive about our talk with him that we signed up for five more. The next two calls will be individual calls and then on the fourth call we will be on the line together again with Steve. We are looking forward to all the help and ideas that he can provide.