Is your 18-year old the son of both of you? He is older than the marriage?

he's her son but his father died when he was three. His mom and i met when he was 4. I legally adopted him 10 years ago. we have a great relationship. I've always treated him like a son and he has always considered me his dad.

I can really use some help here because I'd like to speak with my 2 youngest this evening before the WW can prime them with her excuses.

Also, one thing that occurred yesterday, after i gave her the plan b letter and after the F*** U txt, was that she was trying to take control of the situation by refusing to adjust to what I outlined in regards to the kids and where to pick them up and drop them off. I had spoken with mutual friends of ours, a married couple, and asked them if they could mediate between me and the WW and also if it would be OK if we used them as a dropp off and pick up point with for the kids. This couple agreed. After WW read letter she txt me saying that it was unacceptable and hse outlined her own visitation plan. I did not respond except only to say she need to talk through mediator (MM is that right?). I feel it's just her way of trying to regain some control but I'm not going to cave in. Thoughts?

L4S,

I won't be able to post for a while, but I have bumped a thread about Dr Harley and telling the kids. Dr Harley himself posted to the thread explaining his own position, so you will not get a clearer explanation than his. It might help with your question about the Plan B letter.

Thanks SC. The thread helped but I'm still somewhat anxious about it. Not that the kids are in total darkness. I've spoken several times to them about our separation but more from the perspective that mom and I aren't getting along. They also know the OM. As mentioned before OM, WW and I were acquaintances and somewhat friends prior to the A. When he started comeing around the house after I moved out they at first were fine with it because they new him and had fun with him but eventually they started seeing it for what it really was and began to resent him. As far as I know he hasn't been around the kids at the house for about 4 or 5 months now. Even WW began to figure out that the kids didn't like what they were seeing.

The unfortunate thing is that i was the one that moved out (big mistake I know). I've tried to make it clear to them that it wasn't my idea to separate and that I and their mom still love them and it had nothing to do with them. This evening however it will all come out and I'm not sure what their reaction will be.

Suggestion and comments from anyone else?

Bump. Looking for help?

Serail cheater = very tough prognosis, IMO. Thye are a special breed, IMO, more deeply entrenched in feelings of entitlement.
You need to expose far and wide, IMO, and make her feel some consequences. Exposure includes the prior A, as well.
Bottom line is that as the result of the prior affair and its lack of consequences, as well as few emanating from this one, your WW has become used to cheating with impunity.
sad, isn't it, that the desire to be honest and faithful is contingent on outside forces, like consequences, vs coming from integrity? But, the fact that she is cheating and has done so in the past means, IMO, that like all waywards, she lacks integrity and , unfortunately, requires other forces to act in an honorable manner.
So, expose and do what you can from a financial standpoint to stop subsidizing the affair.
Good job on rebuffing her attempt to renoegotiate childcare duties. She was just trying to facilitate her affair activities. You do not need/want to be any part of that.

Thanks for the input Z. Did not get to discuss the Plan B letter with my kids last night. In any case, the As have been exposed previously to friends and family. All of WW family is aware and at first they tried to confront her but after a while they just all seemed to give up. Not that they condone what she's doing just that they seemed to have accepted it. Part contributer to that is the fact that WW now has very little contact with them and when they do talk it's more about the weather. WW As is off limits.

Inregards to Plan B letter, should I share it with her family? Would this be considered part of exposure, letting everyone know where I stand and what WW needs to do in order to begin to workon our marriage?

You said you know who OM is. Is he married or does have GF?

He's in his mid forties and single. never been married or had a relationship that lasted more than a year. When WW and him broke up briefly last spring he started dateing someone else. So did WW.

Have you verified this information from other sources than OM or WW?

Sure did. As I ndicated in earlier posts to this thread OM was an acquaintence WW and I both know. We also have several mutual friends. The man was engaged once but after a year she broke it off. That was the longest relationship he ever had. BTW, can't hold a job for more than a year either.

Bump Looking for advice suggestions on these questions from previous post. Please help?

Inregards to Plan B letter, should I share it with her family? Would this be considered part of exposure, letting everyone know where I stand and what WW needs to do in order to begin to workon our marriage?