Happy makes me nervous, too. How happy?
Check in with OWH. Say you suspect contact.
COuld be he's trying to work through it and put on a happy face, but I'll tell ya, when my H was happy, we had DDay2.

At this point, do not try to wonder about contact. Assume it is happening and focus on your plan A. Focus on being the best you that you can be. Let the giver go to town until you implement plan B

In plan B, try to step back and let the adulterers 'have at it'. They will either have the 'greatest love on Earth' OR do a spiral death dance to crash and disolve (dang it is so hard to not get into the drama for us BS's).

Plan for the possibility your H may want to reconsile one day and how you would monitor his actions during that (so he isn't just falsely leading you on).

Cross one bridge at a time. (I am saying this to myself as much as to you).

Seriously, I could not handle plan B if I were not taking a mood supplement (for me Sam-E). Whenever I try to wean off it....sorrow starts to play with my mind.

Be prepared for B but try to enjoy A while you are in it. Try to do the best A ever.

I have contructed a plan B letter with the help ov another post. Tell me what you think.

My Dearest WH,

I remember our first date at friends party. I remember you bringing back to my little apartment in xxxx and our first amazing kiss. I remember our trips to xxxx. The one especially, when we went by ourselves and sat in the forest on the peaks while it rained, having lunch at our favorite restaurant, and listening to music all the way home. I remember our first trip to xxxx. The fun we had!!!

I also think of recent times. The rain storm at xxxx, our times at xxx, all of the great restaurants and movies, and having family dinners with the girls, and the fun and the laughter.

On our wedding day I made a promise to you to faithfully love and cherish you. In good times and in bad�. I know I can fulfill these promises to you and create a better, stronger marriage.

I am writing you this letter in order to protect the love I have for you and to keep it from turning into hate. Your extramarital affairs have hurt me deeply. Until you decide to turn away from your relationship and feelings with OW, and commit 100% to our marriage, I cannot talk to you, see you or have any contact with you.

I have made many mistakes in our marriage and I own every single one of them. I let my depression consume me and our life. I focused on others problems and not our own. I neglected to meet your needs. For all of these and many other mistakes, I am truly sorry.

I will continue to give the best care I am capable to kids. Along with our marriage, they are my biggest priority.

If you need to contact me, you can do so through my friend. Her number is xxx-xxxx. She has already agreed to do this for me.

I want you to know that there is a way home. There is a pathway to a new marriage. This path would require changes in both of us. If we stray from the path in one direction or the other, our chances for a new marriage are minimal. Together we can create a marriage in which people of the opposite sex will never be an issue. They would have no place in our marriage. We can create a marriage based on honesty, honesty about where we are, who we are with, and who we are communicating with. We can give each other our undivided attention and meet each others� needs. We can have a great marriage if we avoid being the cause of each other�s unhappiness. I would like to be married to someone who embraces these principals and would eagerly embrace these changes.

I still have hope for us, our marriage and our family. Forgiveness is possible. Regaining love for each other is possible. Recovery is possible. The answer to all my prayers would be for us to have a happy, loving marriage and a blessed family. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I have made in the past and create and new life for both of us that will meet your needs. I want to be your best friend and lover, someone who is always there when you need me. I loved you one the day we married, and I continue to love you today. It is for this reason that I cannot see you, talk to you or help you until I know that your contact with OW has ended once and for all, and you are totally committed to our marriage.

Your loving wife,

cg

Is there anyone else out there who reads these posts and just says what is the use? I feel so discouraged today. Maybe because WH was in a good mood today, maybe because I got so little sleep last night.

I am waiting for my daughter to leave so that I can just sit by myself and cry. I wonder why I can't have a husband, who after doing something like this would just say, "I've made a huge mistake and will do anything to make it work." This affair fog or whatever you call it is killing me!

Right now I feel like I can't finish my plan A. I was down last weekend, but not to where I was ready to give up. What do I do? I read all of these stories where there is no reconciliation. Seems like all hope is lost.

(((((claygal))))))

Try to stick to your plan. I really like ML's idea of going totally dark before the holidays and it is really not too much longer...if you can hang in there...

I have to get my son to bed and he's not feeling well, but I will read your Plan B letter over tomorrow morning. I am not experienced re PB but I do know it is a good idea to keep it short as the wayward mind has a short attention span.

Do you do any type of exercise? I really got into exercise after my H's A. It is like therapy for me and makes you feel really good, a wonderful de-stressor.

Keep your head up! I have hope for your sitch if it makes you feel any better

My Dearest WH,

I remember our first date at friends party. I remember you bringing back to my little apartment in xxxx and our first amazing kiss. I remember our trips to xxxx. The one especially, when we went by ourselves and sat in the forest on the peaks while it rained, having lunch at our favorite restaurant, and listening to music all the way home. I remember our first trip to xxxx. The fun we had!!!

I also think of recent times. The rain storm at xxxx, our times at xxx, all of the great restaurants and movies, and having family dinners with the girls, and the fun and the laughter.

On our wedding day I made a promise to you to faithfully love and cherish you. In good times and in bad�. I know I can fulfill these promises to you and create a better, stronger marriage.

I am writing you this letter in order to protect the love I have for you and to keep it from turning into hate. Your extramarital affairs have hurt me deeply. Until you decide to turn away from your relationship and feelings with OW, and commit 100% to our marriage, I cannot talk to you, see you or have any contact with you.

I have made many mistakes in our marriage and I own every single one of them. I let my depression consume me and our life. I focused on others problems and not our own. I neglected to meet your needs. For all of these and many other mistakes, I am truly sorry.

I will continue to give the best care I am capable to kids. Along with our marriage, they are my biggest priority.

If you need to contact me, you can do so through my friend. Her number is xxx-xxxx. She has already agreed to do this for meus.

I want you to know that there is a way home. There is a pathway to a new marriage. This path would require changes in both of us. If we stray from the path in one direction or the other, our chances for a new marriage are minimal. Together we can create a marriage in which people of the opposite sex will never be an issue. They would have no place in our marriage. We can create a marriage based on honesty, honesty about where we are, who we are with, and who we are communicating with. We can give each other our undivided attention and meet each others� needs. We can have a great marriage if we avoid being the cause of each other�s unhappiness. I would like to be married to someone who embraces these principals and would eagerly embrace these changes.

I still have hope for us, our marriage and our family. Forgiveness is possible. Regaining love for each other is possible. Recovery is possible. The answer to all my prayers would be for us to have a happy, loving marriage and a blessed family. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I have made in the past and create and new life for both of us that will meet your needs. I want to be your best friend and lover, someone who is always there when you need me. I loved you one the day we married, and I continue to love you today. It is for this reason that I cannot see you, talk to you or help you until I know that your contact with OW has ended once and for all, and you are totally committed to our marriage. When you are willing to commit to no contact with her and take steps to reassure me of your committment to our marriage and me, let me know. Until then, you will have to contact IM for any necessary communication.

Your loving wife,

cg

Hey Claygal,

Sorry it took me so long to catch up with you, but glad that i have. You are doing such a good job on plan A, you really are.
Your WS keeps coming over thats a very good sing, he could be going to a bar, park, swimming or whatever he is into when he is blue but he is choosing to come to you.

As far as Happy you really need to analize how happy, what type of happy, for example if he was happy smiley asking you about your day etc then he is putting on happy face, If he is happy/distrcted not really paying attention to you then thats bad news happy. Im no expert but this happy mood thing needs futher investigating.

Although i love what you have done with letter, again im newbie so not too sure if in accordance with MB principals, however i do agree that if you can just hold on a few more days you can do Plan B at the most effective time (holidays). If you have to do something that drastic why waste such a golden opportunity.

Dont worry about reading other members struggles, because there are just as many triumpths as struggles on this site so try not to concentrate on the negatives.

Thanks Cat. I appreciate your help.

BH - hang in there. I just read your WH's thread. He doesn't want to lose you. Just doesn't know what to do??? I understand your frustration. Needs a swift kick, and it sounds like he is getting that here. I'll be back in a.m. to get an update on your thread.

I am going to take something to help me sleep tonight, and hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Ok hope you have good sleep and remember tomorrow is a day closer to the end of your suffering.
I havent got much to update as WS on pc again and im just downloading/relaxing after long frustrating day. Dont think anything much gonna happen to me over next couple of days as going back to work etc so dont worry and have a good rest.

Keep updating/ downloading on here, im sure it helps.

Ok...So woke up today feeling the same way. For 3 days I haven't wanted to have anything to do with him. These last 3 mornings I have been hoping that I wouldn't have to see him. I haven't been this down, for this long, since Dday 1.

Oldest dropped her phone in a toilet last night and it is ruined. My first thought was, "Oh no, now we have to call WH and I am not up to dealing with him today."

The physical pain in my chest is back. I feel like my friends who know about the situation are all sick of hearing about it. I can't talk to my mom for obvious reasons.

Was planning on plan B letter next weekend. I don't know if I can make it that long.

((claygal))
Just relax. Think about it this way: 10 years from now, how much of this is going to matter?
The marriage, yes, that will matter.
The phone, not so much

Claygal try this:

Put the phone in a bowl of rice (or cous-cous) for at least 24 hours.

I dropped my blackberry in the sink. IT WORKS!

Claygal,

Hang in there. You can make it. If you feel like you need to do plan B earlier, I think that's okay. I hope one of the vets here can share their phone number with you so you can talk to them. I know how it feels like there's no one you can talk to. I was fortunate enough to have my sisters to help me when I was going through the execution of my plan A. Whenever I tried to talk to anyone else, it was obvious to me they didn't understand my situation or their advice was not fitting. Posting here often does help.

Have you been doing things for yourself? Such as getting a manicure or a lunch date out either by yourself or with friends or browsing around at the mall or taking out books/movies from the library or whatever it is you enjoy doing? You're supposed to remember to do things for yourself while in Plan A so you don't feel so burnt out by giving, giving, giving (have you seen the thread on the Giver and the Taker? I'm not sure where it is - will look).

Hang in there and remember to do things for yourself. See if you can get away somewhere else out of the house for a whole day (might help - a mental break).

Thanks, I guess I'm obsessing about his mood yesterday and the fact that he has been more stand-offish the last few days, even though he has been stopping by. I know I shouldn't let it get to me.

I think that maybe it is good that kids still don't really want to have anything to do with him. He is going about winning them back all wrong. Actually told one daughter that he would buy her anything she wants. Even she thinks this is laughable.

But I'm hoping that this (kids not wanting to see him either) will make plan B even more of a wake up call for him. Or it he might think, 'what's the use?' And try to go running to her. But how realistic is that even in that she lives so far away? Praying that god will continue to throw up road bocks for this unholy relationship. Even hoping for financial road blocks. Business is still slow and I think that is a good thing.

Have you had any discussions with OWH lately?

Not really. Staying away from relationship discussions. He has not brought up anything other than kids. He has had VERY little contact with them. Still avoiding issues I think. No more talk about coming home. Told both girls he was 'content' living on his own. What kind of thing is that to tell your kids. Then he said they both told him they weren't ready for him TO come home. What are they supposed to say to something like that. It was like a slap in the face to them.

I think you are just feeling down because of the unfortunate timing between that post stating when he's in a good mood that means contact -- and him showing up at your house in a good mood.

That probably dropped your spirits quite a bit.

Just work YOUR plan and don't worry about HIS moods. He is operating purely out of emotion, and you have logic and planning on your side.

Your letter is good -- but I don't personally care for this statement:
"If we stray from the path in one direction or the other, our chances for a new marriage are minimal. "

I think that is too dismal and unhopeful. You need to let him know it CAN be done. And I like where you said it will require changes from BOTH of you. Its important for him to know he can come back and be on equal footing with you.

I just read over your PBL and it's good, CG. I agree with Lexxy about removing that one sentence...

I also agree with Lexxy about not worrying about WH's moods. Probably one of the biggest Plan A lessons I learned is: "ACT, don't react". (btw my H didn't get happy after contact. It was the opposite, he would be cold and distant with me after contact)

I think Plan B is going to a complete shock to WH because he's been used to cake-eating for so long. Hang in there...

WH and I just went for lunch, his idea. Still incredibly perky and told me he was 'really great' today. Not that that means anything.

I am doing my best to hold of until next week for plan B. Taking daughter for new phone tonight. We'll see how that goes.

Weekend should be telling. I think he hates weekends. No work to keep him busy.

Hey CG, sorry your having a rough day and I totally agree with suggestion of finding time to do what makes you happy.

You have been a giver for so long now its time you give yourself something, Go out and buy yourself something nice to reward yourself for effort you have made so far. Your world doesent have to revolve around him, you were your own person once and attracted him because of that so please try and rediscover what makes you happy, what makes you laugh and what makes you enjoy life that doesent involve him.

Just have one guilt free selfish day if you can. Dont worry about what your friends are getting bored of talking about. Go out with your friends and try to have fun by doing something to get your mind off current status of M.

I also think plan B is going to shake him up but you need to stick to your targets. Plan A is not failing as he is still coming over.