Appointment with Steve coaching in 10 mins, im having a melt down, went to the gym this morning to burn off anger only worked a bit, so now angry and tiered, great!!!!

Please keep your fingers corssed for us as if this coaching doesent make WS wake up and smell the coffee then nothing will and i will be jumping ship.

Hi BH28,

Good luck with the coaching.

What's this about, Bh? Here I've beem ragging on your H re: "no contact" and this idea of going to the Christmas party hasn't been put in the trash bin? Why would either of you go? Why be an accomplice in renewing contact with her? The best revenge is in taking back the man she wanted, assuming he works hard to become again the man you want.

Praying for the both of you.

Thanks everyone

WS on phone to steve right now, i have to keep myself busy, dying to listen in but been very good and behaving. WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG, i want to talk to steve!!!!

GloveOil,
I appreciate what you are saying about xmas party and i know im not doing the right thing but trust me i cant help it, now that WS is moving jobs i need to get my payback on that POSOW. I need to see for myself that he has no feelings for her I need to confirm that they are no longer together, If im there and he is affectionate as hell in her presence then that will prove to me that he has truly cut her off emotionally. Its going to be hard and its going to get messy as her Wayward friends will be there but im strong and i have a plan to cover all eventualities (apart from being phisically attacked by her friends in that case i dont have much of a plan but to call police). I wouldnt expect any of you wise lot to condone what im about to put myself through by going to party but its just something i cant let go of.

(((((((((((BH))))))))))))

I was lied to by a sneak theif OW, too. She's ugly old linoleum - beneath your shoes AND your notice.

I'm hoping and praying for you.

I'm trying not to get discouraged myself. I am beginning to feel my situation is hopeless because of WH intense feelings for OW. And I don't think he is strong enough to get past them. Has told himself for a long time that she is the one he missed out on. Has said so many ugly things to me in this regard.

It would be so much easier if he had just hooked up with some cow ( actually, he did!) But this one, I don't think he has the fortitude to move on from.

Delan-de ((((Delan))) thanks for the support, im sorry the OW in your situation was the same type as my OW. Its hateful to thing these women are behaving like that, whats so wrong with them that they cant get their own man???

Claygal-- I like you lots but listen to me. take your phone and put it where you cant read the flipping text messages, i just read your thread, NC with WS means NC!!! i appreciate you must be scared, read my post when i talk about kicking WS out for 2 weeks, i had to have NC with him (yeah i know in my case it bit me in teh backside big time but your WS is at a better stage than mine was) so i know how your feeling and its horrible but you need to let go of him so he can make his own realisations.
Remember your WS feelings for OW might be intense because he is major cake eating, these feelings he is having WILL be threatened by the thought of permanently loosing you. Give him the chance to loose you so you can end these games once and for all.

update on Steve coaching session coming up

Ok people first of all I want to give huge cuddle/thanks/gratitude to all of you who suggested the coaching with Steve I owe you so much I dont know how to start repaying your kindness.

So here is what happened and ill try to summarise as i know im a fan of writing huge essays.

First Steve spoke to both of us getting small details like our ages, jobs childrens aged etc. Then he asked to talk to WS first then he would talk to me.

WS and Steve chatted for an hour and ill let him tell you about his conversation on his thread.

I then got on the phone with Steve for the second hour and boy did he have me pegged down, he knew what type of person I was and what my needs were without me having to tell him about it. He told me about the plan he has set WS, the way he explained it is that at the moment there is no point in doing plan A, B or anything like that or even recovery because the fact that i have a bleeding injury (metaphorically speaking) is going to stop me from absorbing love or healing with WS. So he has set out a four step plan for WS to do and asked me to protect WS from myself (my anger, chriticism etc) wich is a fair request also i am no longer able to "do steves job" with WS as according to Steve i have been councelling WS regarding his affair issues.
Steve was very transparent and easy to trust as he knew exactly what I was feeling and what stage i was at from just a few details that I gave him.

I am very impressed people, the man really does know what he is talking about and is amazing at explaining things to both me and WS in a way that targets us at our separate levels of undertainding.

We have booked our next double session for next Thursday to see how the plan is going (this plan is an instaint plan so im well happy with it, its not one of those wait and wait and talk and wait kind of things) so i will be able to see some progress in a short space of time etc.

This is all good and well but it still enforces my view that if Steve cant get through to WS then im jumping ship. There are no excuses for WS this time. the therapist is eccellent, the timing is good and im cooperating so if he cant meet what Steve has set him out to do i officially give up.

BH, I agree. I spoke w/ Steve last March and was completely impressed. Steve gave me a list of things to do and I did them. Unfortunately, I couldn't complete the list since the last item on it was to have H call him. And that never happened. Not for lack of trying on my part though...

Still, it was a valuable hour.

HI BH First I want to say I read your whole thread so I am happy for you and WS{more for you} about the counseling with Steve Good Luck, and may I say many heartfelt prayers go up to the Almighty Savior for you!

Now, please let me caution you in love about this X-mas party. First I want to say, how amazed and humbled I am by your courage, and your mindset. You have been vulnerable by allowing us all to view your pain and experiencing it once is hard enough. I have to say from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, that this is a very bad idea. You are dealing with a creature who has no self-worth, morals and absolutly no respect for herself let alone anyone else. She is not even worthy to lick the spit off of a crumb of bread that you have touched. Do not give your power away to her. Do not give her one ounce of the gifts that God has empowered you with. Your greatest revenge (other than killing her in your fantasy world) is living the best life the God has to offer you. Recovering your marriage with the father of your children and keeping intact the family unit as a whole. Just as others have told you they can see her for who she truly is, let those that love you hold you up and share the glories of who you are with everyone, home and at work. You can not convinse crap that it is not crap. That is the only thing that it has ever known, the ability to stink up everything it touches and is around and the only thing healthy people do with crap is throw it away. It is time for you to bag her up and toss her in the garbage, for that is where she belongs. You on the other hand deserve to be treated like a rare heirloom. Treasured and put in a place of respect and honor for all to see. Do not cast your pearls before swine, and trust me she is a pig.

With all that being said, I know how you feel, in your heart of hearts. I died my hair, tried to look as young as I could, and act it as well(OW is 24) started trying to get a clue about jargon and current pop music, tried to act like I didn't know what my 47 years had taught me. all it did for me was help me to hate myself, to see all that I was not and did not have to offer him. I could never be her, I could not turn the clock back, the mirror still showed the lines, wrinkles and grey hair that age and up to this point life and wisdom had given me. Through counselling I realized as long as I was trying to be someone else, I could never love him back to me, there was no me as long as she was co-habitating with me. I made a decision that day, she was already getting him, I'll be damned if she was getting me too. that was the day I started to try to love me and how I looked and value what I had to give and to try and start showing him everything he was missing out on. Hopefully, prayfully, it will be enough. He says it is me he wants, needs, desires, we'll see. Either way, when I look in the mirror, I want to see me, I am his wife, mother of his children, an honerable woman who has never tried to carry on with a married man, never broken up a family, never caused another woman to question my intentions. This person I am at peace with.

Although revenge is sweet at first it turn bitter in the end. give your husband a gift he does not deserve.....give him you

Thanks Betty/ourhouse for your support

In so sorry OH to hear that your WS was not brave enough to talk to steve and hopefully try and resolve the mess he created. Its sad when i hear about these types of WS because they really dont realise all the good they could gain from not being ignorant about who they are and what they do. If your WS wants to figure out things on his own then thats his loss atleast you have choosen the right path and will be better off with it.

Betty, again thanks for the kind words, i dont mind sharing the details with you guys simply in the hope that they will one day help someone when they find themselves in a similar position. there is nothing like reading about a tried and tested thing rather than entering into something blindly and hoping for the best. It does hurt me to read that POSOW's emails but at the same time just because they are hidden in my Facebook indbox file does not mean they are gone, they are in my thoughts no matter how far i try to push them.

The problem that I have regarding OW is that i have received many emails in reply to my exposure email from her friends telling me about the other families she has destroyed, All those BS have gone away into the night without a peep and some may even have got a better marriage etc but this i beleive led to OW carring on with her destructive path, how do i justify it to myself if in a few months time i hear that she has gone after another married man and destroyed another family while i just sat back and was selfishly just concentrating on repairing my marriage, thats no consolation to the future BS's. This woman needs to be taught a lesson and im almost glad she chose me to mess with because i can take her on.

Look at these emails from HER friends, people i dont know people that owe me nothing yet they tell me their pain

-------------------------------------------
i totally agree with what you have done, why anyone believes that you should get anykind of abuse from them, even if they think they are doing it for there friend are mad. What they need to do is stand back and realise that you and your children are the innocent party in all this and should have nothing but support.
At the end of the day you have done nothing but prove yourself to be a much better person than any of them by getting your point across in the constructive manner they are lacking.
the reason why i felt compelled to messag you back was when i worked with xxxx 5ish years ago she was my best friend, i was then with my ex and after we split up he admitted he cheated on me with gemma, so i totally know what she is capable of, and support you totally.
PP�
--------------------------------------------------
Hi Noor I'm an very deeply shocked by this and thought xxxx had changed her ways. I can honestly say now I was friends with xxxx when we were 16 and thought she would have changed by now, haivng a child and all. But obviously I was wrong.
She did this to me when I was about 17 or 18 just before I met my husband. There were no children involved and no one was married but I was seeing a guy and Gemma slept with him behind my back. She has lost many friends over the years and I wish to have nothing more to do with her. I also have no knowledge of her being raped at 16.

I hope you and your husband have the strength to get through this.�

----------------------------------------------------

This next email is from an ex colleague that worked with OW and gives names of all married men she has been with in the workplace
.........................................................

Where does your husband work, or for that matter where does xxxx work now. I knew her when she worked in xxxxxx. Suffice to say she knew a fair few fellas then, if you get my drift. Without wanting to be rude or forward in anyway, has your husband been along and got his equipment tested for any extras, ie HIV or any other STD's.
Might be worth telling him he needs to get tested.
Im sure you are aware xxxx has a child, quite a cute little thing I seem to remember, however, at the time there was a book running on who the father was. rumour was that xxxx wasnt overly sure, and that it was between 3 married fellas, all of whom worked at xxxxx at the time. Their names I wont go into, as it wouldnt be right to embarass them for their indiscretions / mistakes / errors of judgment, call it what you will.

I wish you the best of luck with your man, in whatever way you choose to go. For me infidelity is a cardinal sin, with no way back. Please do make sure that he gets tested for any diseases before you go anywhere near him.
--------------------------------------

Then the same person above sent me the following email

-----------------------------------------
�December 9 at 6:45am
Good luck
You could ask how the following are:
xxxxx - one of the possible fathers
xxxxx - one of the possible fathers
xxxx (cant remember his surname, used to work in building)
xxxxx - One of the possible fathers - my money was here!!!
there are manay more, she was quite a promiscuous little thing when I was a manager there.
What I would say, is that xxxx is a very tight nit community, and the amount of time that people spend together, it is quite common place for staff to end up dating each other. Having said that it is up to the individuals to know the difference between right and wrong. My wife now used to work in the warehouse, as I was a manager, that said I was not married nor going out with anyone at the time. This all said dating a married man is really not the done thing, particulalry when she knows he is taken.

I now work in xxxx �

Hope you manage to sort things out for the sake of your family, and yourself, for they are the most important things in the world. Everyone and everything else is unimportant

_---------------------------------------

SEE WHAT I MEAN PEOPLE SHES A ROYAL XXXXX and if i dont expose her fully who will?? these people are obviousely gutless because instead of standing up to her they become her friends on Facebook and expect me to do the hard work, cheers guys like i didnt have enough XXXX to deal with already. How can i have all this information and do NOTHING with it??

Bh, I'm so glad that to hear how the sessions with Steve went. I also want to tell you how much I admire your strength and your progress. However, you are wrong to go to the party. You both need to be NC with this woman.

Arguably, you are temporarily stuck with the work situation because of the economic realities of having children, but H must work vigourously to end that situation quickly. But you are NOT stuck with going to a Christmas party.

What do you really think you will achieve by setting you and H up to put on a show of emotion in front of OW?

Do you think she (and her friends) won't know that it is a show, and will be hurt? Might she not instead think that your show is pitiful?

Do you think that YOU won't know that your H's behaviour is a show, and will find the whole experience of play-acting for a worthless ho traumatic?

Don't you think your H will know he must step up to the mark, and will act however you expect him to? If it is carefully managed behaviour then what will you gain from that?

Don't you think several people there will be thrilled at the drama?

Don't you think several people there will pity YOU for needing the drama?

The only dignified, classy behaviour that you can engage in is to both stay away from the party and treat it as insignificant. Save the babysitters for a night out when you want one and ignore the party altogether.

I think that putting both you and H in deliberate contact with OW will harm your personal and marital recovery. Ask Steve what to do about this.

Dear BH I would'nt expect you to just slink away licking your wounds. Not asking you to. By those e-mails, it seems that everyone who knows her knows how she is. So expose, expose,expose to everyone everywhere every chance you get. Every one at work already knows how she is. so x-mas party i still have my doubts about. however, corporate environment, management local and national everyone at the higher ups. Everyone in the town she lives in... Facebook, My Space, You Tube....wonderful tools to shed light on any ugly, nasty parasite that needs to go away. Just do it with honor, grace, and integrity, things she obviously does not possess.

Betty and SC,
I have thought about all the possiblities SC, and have come up with plans etc.
Her friends are measly low grade workers, she is a suprevisor but hangs around with 16-19 year old kids (she is 26) so im not bothered by what they think and intend to spend my time with managment (GG and his wife for example are going and supportive). As far as the drama trust me there will be none. I have agreed with WS that if any of her little pathetic friends was to approach us i would simply say to WS "this is your issue you deal with it" and walk away to get a fizzy drink etc, therefore not biting.
I dont want WS to be overly affectionate as it will seem an act therefore we are not dancing etc, we are just going to mingle with other respectful members of staff occasionally hold hands and he tends to be very affectionate when he is worried about me and he will be worried about my feelings on that evening. I plan to do several trips to the store before Xmas party to get used to the idea of being in the same space as OW and assess situation with how staff members react to me being around, getting to know a few of them, if i feel uncomfortable then xmas party is off. You have to bear in mind its been a year since Facebook exposure and nothing has kicked off since so im expecting people to have gotten over what happened as now the main item of store gossip is OW best friend is dating a married man. As far as the tricks i have up my sleaves they are subtle but hard hitting, i really cant tell you about them just yet.

Betty, as far as exposing this horrid human i have every intention of doing a flyer detailing her behaviour and posting it in her town once WS leaves job as dont want him to get into trouble with work. I plan to post this flyer containing her disgusting behaviour everywhere she has been, work, around her childs school (her child is too young to understand 4 years old but the parents at that school will get the message) then in the works car park etc. I wont shut up until she crawls back under whatever rock she has come out of. Also the company promotes its reputation as very large DIY chain so if any negative press reaches them (and this has happened in the past) they do sack their employees for bringing the company into disrepute. My biggest aim is to get her sacked, she has no life outside of her job, she lives 2mins walk from work and all her social life is spent with the kids she works with so getting her sacked will be the biggest result for me.

ps also forgot to mention that above emails along with other damning ones have been given to store manager and now there is a copy of this in her HR file, this means that if she does behave inappropriately towards married men again she is to be sacked and this is a guarantee. She is clever in the sense that the managment turnover in taht store is high (GM changes every 2 years) so no one has been in that company long enough to keep track of her behavior, she is unaware of record in her HR file and WS had GG have checked this is still there. Copy of letter in her HR file will post below

11 December 2008


Dear Mr xxxxx


Im writing to thank you and confirm that there will be no more distruptions to xxxx work due to this unfortunate situation.
I would like to offer my sincere apologies for the way this situation has affected your store and would like to thank you for helping my family find a way to move forward.
I am aware that right now you may have reservations about what might happen next but I can assure you that neither myself or xxxx wish any harm or malice, we just want to get through the next 3 weeks as peacefully and with the least distruption to his job as possible, I know xxxx has already stated this to you and I just wanted you to hear it from me too as I am the person who has found the situation hard to cope with and therefore led to the distruptions.
I am a mother to 4 children and therefore will be doing my best to secure their fathers future and Job and appreciate your part in this.
I understand that xxxx has done something wrong and is rightfully paying for it but it is hard for me to cope, when I see that the third party has been hailed as professional when in fact the behaviour that led to this problem has been ongoing for a few years. She is able to be professional as this is not the first time she has had a relationship with members of staff especially the ones who have had families and partners at your store, this has led to many leaving over the years and I know this because I have been contacted by many previous employees of your store who are disgusted by her repeated actions and the fact that this carries on being disregarded.

I appreciate this cannot be dealt with as it was in the past and I am not asking you to take any action as you rightfully said she has turned up to her job and her performance carried on being of standard, and to be honest xxxx is leaving so really its not about him either, its about knowing the full situation that will and has affected your store and hopefully preventing this in the future.

I feel the need to pass on to you the comments of your previous employees as I really cant say much more without sounding like I am acting out of spite and seeking revenge when this is done to give you and other management the opportunity to avoid this situation happening again with other members of staff and xxxx xxxx, as I hope xxxx takes pride in employing genuine people with high morals.


�December 9 at 1:02am
Where does your husband work, or for that matter where does Gemma work now. I knew her when she worked in xxx in xxxx. Suffice to say she knew a fair few fellas then, if you get my drift. Without wanting to be rude or forward in anyway, has your husband been along and got his equipment tested for any extras, ie HIV or any other STD's.
Might be worth telling him he needs to get tested.
Im sure you are aware xxxx has a child, quite a cute little thing I seem to remember, however, at the time there was a book running on who the father was. rumour was that xxx wasnt overly sure, and that it was between 3 married fellas, all of whom worked at xxx at the time. Their names I wont go into, as it wouldnt be right to embarass them for their indiscretions / mistakes / errors of judgment, call it what you will.

I wish you the best of luck with your man, in whatever way you choose to go. For me infidelity is a cardinal sin, with no way back. Please do make sure that he gets tested for any diseases before you go anywhere near him.

Best Wishes,
Current xxxx xxxx Manager�


�December 9 at 6:45am
Good luck Noor!
You could ask how the following are:
xxxx - one of the possible fathers
xxxxx - one of the possible fathers
xxxxx (cant remember his surname, used to work in building)
xxxxt - One of the possible fathers - my money was here!!!
there are manay more, she was quite a promiscuous little thing when I was a manager there.
What I would say, is that B&Q is a very tight nit community, and the amount of time that people spend together, it is quite common place for staff to end up dating each other. Having said that it is up to the individuals to know the difference between right and wrong. My wife now used to work in the warehouse, as I was a manager, that said I was not married nor going out with anyone at the time. This all said dating a married man is really not the done thing, particulalry when she knows he is taken.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hope you manage to sort things out for the sake of your family, and yourself, for they are the most important things in the world. Everyone and everything else is unimportant

Best Wishes,
Current xxx xxxx Manager�

� Today at 08:50

its a sad life but things happ it it that we love or hate. as i have left xxx over a year a go i dont know your hus but just to let u know working there is a marrige wecker. i was there 4 5 years so i see lots going on. just try to put things behind u for the x mass time as u have kids just have some luck
Stephen�

�09 December at 22:23

i totally agree with what you have done, why anyone believes that you should get anykind of abuse from them, even if they think they are doing it for there friend are mad. What they need to do is stand back and realise that you and your children are the innocent party in all this and should have nothing but support.
At the end of the day you have done nothing but prove yourself to be a much better person than any of them by getting your point across in the constructive manner they are lacking.
the reason why i felt compelled to messag you back was when i worked with xxxx 5ish years ago she was my best friend, i was then with my ex and after we split up he admitted he cheated on me with gemma, so i totally know what she is capable of, and support you totally.
Paula�

�09 December at 12:15
Hi Noor I'm an very deeply shocked by this and thought Gemma had changed her ways. I can honestly say now I was friends with xxxx when we were 16 and thought she would have changed by now, haivng a child and all. But obviously I was wrong.
She did this to me when I was about 17 or 18 just before I met my husband. There were no children involved and no one was married but I was seeing a guy and xxxx slept with him behind my back. She has lost many friends over the years and I wish to have nothing more to do with her. I also have no knowledge of her being raped at 16.

I hope you and your husband have the strength to get through this.�

�09 December at 12:38

You stand strong and get through this. All that wrote in you're first message brings back alot of memories about her. I think we've both gone our separate ways in lots of ways. I am married to a soldier with two beautiful children and have matured and it seems our so called friend has remained in the past. She can be very persuasive around men and she also too begged me for forgiveness a couple of times over her deceitful ways with boyfriends of mine. I'm removing her from my list and I hope you can get through this.�


I know that you will be inclined to believe that this letter is designed to hurt xxxx but I am genuine in the fact that I just want to make you aware of what is actually affecting your store and staff and as xxxx is professional and in the wrong too he did not feel that he has been given the opportunity to justify or defend himself.

Once again thank you for your support so far and would like to reiterate that there will be no further actions taken from our side regarding this situation.

Kind Regards


xxxxxxxxx


_----------------------------------------------------------

After this it transpired that this particular GM was never going to let WS transfer as he needed him too much but the letter still stands in her HR file still to this day.

Bh,

I know you are a really clever person and I know you are not missing my point about the party. You are deliberately avoiding my point, and you are better than this behaviour:


This is, all of it, completely unnecessary. You just need to stay away from this social event.

You have every right to drop in unannounced at H's work. Checking up on them both is good. Putting on a show at a Christmas party is avoidable contact, and drama, and degrading to you. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT.


Bh, just think about this. OW could retaliate by publishing the truth about your WH for everybody to read, and make them look at you and the kids with pity.

Your H went willingly with this woman. His behaviour was every bit as bad as hers, and he deserves the same public condemnation as she does. It does not matter that she was a particularly trampy tramp. It would have been the same had she been a first-time fallen saint. If you are prepared to publicise her behaviour, you must be prepared for her to publicise your H's. He was every bit as bad as her.

And be careful. There are libel laws in this country. Get a single fact wrong and she could be enjoying a slice of your inheritance.

This is not helping your recovery. Focus on what Steve has told you to do, and ask him before you do anything outside his guidance.

Ok SC Im not saying that you are wrong for one minute. Im saying that i cant just drop party, been planning for it for 6 fracking moths (going to the gym religiously, loosing weight like a maniac. day dreaming about the perfect outfit and practicing hairstyles till early hours of the morning) this is not to say that I will definitley go, I am trying to take on board what you are all saying and its very very true in many senses but this is purely become and obsession for me.

As far as exposure she has already exposed WS to anyone who would listen, her town is 1 hour away so no one there knows anything about us, she can go ahead and try to retailiate she has no idea where we live (ws made kept it from her during A for fear of discovery)

Tell me what can i do that is sensible and above her that does not involve me letting this total homewrecker go on unpunished and unexposed to destroy antoher family? Im really open to suggestions.

My WS deserves 70% of the blame for what happened, he was married he made vowes to me not her but he is dealing with the mess he has created, she isnt , she gets off scott free, and thats just not fair.

BH,

No it's not fair. I doubt you will not find one BS on here that would disagree with you.

BUT.,,,,.,.,

you really need to heed SC's words. NOTHING, and I mean nothing, GOOD can come of this. With any of it.

Listen, we all talk about revenge, even imagine what we would do.....well last spring a member took that route. Beat the crappola out of OM. He walked away with an arrest, conviction, probation, and $10,000 poorer because of it. This COULD be you.....

It is just not worth it..... SHE is not worth it.......

Not2fun